don't touch my hand and call it love
by rawrchelle
Summary: Sasuke/Sakura. Sasuke walks back into Konoha with certain memories strategically removed. Sakura doesn't know if it does her heart good or bad that he still remembers her—but it stings when he doesn't remember Naruto. Sometimes, the big things are not so big after all.
1. 1

So it's been over a year and I'm still desperately trying to create even a semblance of a fic for you guys. I shouldn't even be posting this because I'm not done yet (and I don't know how long it'll take or if it'll ever be done), so if this is never completed, you know why! Meanwhile though, have this tiny first chapter—consider it a peace offering. I've missed you guys!

* * *

**don't touch my hand and call it love  
**_you said it was over, and then cried and cried; you were gone before i said goodbye._

1.

* * *

Sasuke stands in front of the vendor until the seller—a middle-aged woman—looks up at him. "Which way is the Fire Country?"

"The Fire Country?" The woman gives him a look. "You're quite a ways away, dear. You'll have to travel northwest for about a week before you reach the border." Her features are etched with worry, but Sasuke just nods once and thanks her, walking off. He'll need a few provisions, he thinks, but he'll be fine.

To be honest, he's less afraid of the journey there, and more afraid of what'll happen once he gets there.

—

The sun is spilling into Sakura's room when she wakes up that morning, feeling warm and refreshed. Spring is finally turning into summer, the leaves on their trees turning the greenest, Konoha growing hotter with each day. She's missed summer.

She has the afternoon shift at the hospital today, so she makes some lunch and brings it to Naruto's place. Whenever she can, she tries to feed him food that isn't ramen—how fast he inhales it sometimes scares her. A disease caused by consuming too much ramen hasn't been discovered yet, but when it is, it'll surely be discovered in Naruto's body.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto tackles her when she shows up at his door, nearly knocking over her dishes of food. "I was hoping you'd come by today!"

She laughs, inviting herself in and toeing off her shoes. "Why wouldn't I?"

Naruto eats her food with vigor, and Sakura can't help but watch him fondly. Naruto's smile, Naruto's support—it's the most constant thing in her life. She would do anything she could to keep him happy.

She's washing the dishes when there are loud, rapid knocks at Naruto's door. "Naruto, get it!"

"Sakura-chan?" Naruto's voice is distant as he talks to the person at the door. "Yeah, she's here. Why?" A moment's pause. "Sakura-chan! You have to go see Baa-chan!"

"What for?" she calls back.

"I don't know! They say it's urgent though!"

Sakura frowns. What could possibly be urgent enough for her to be called in less than an hour before her shift starts? It couldn't even wait less than an hour?

"I'll come by and pick up the dishes later, okay?" she tells Naruto, grabbing her things. "You're leaving for a mission tonight, right?"

"Yeah. Just for two weeks though, so don't worry!" She laughs, nodding, even though she'll always worry about Naruto. She'll never not worry about Naruto. After hugging him goodbye, she hurries to Tsunade's office.

"Sakura!" Shizune's already waiting for her outside the door. She has a pen in her hand, spinning it between her fingers, hair frazzled and eyes bloodshot.

"Hi, Shizune. What's happening?"

"I, uh…" Shizune glances at the closed door. "It's probably better if you just see for yourself." Sakura frowns in confusion, but does as told anyway—she knocks, and waits to be called in.

She's not at all prepared for what's on the other side.

"What…?" Shizune follows her into the room and closes the door behind her. In the room is Tsunade, Jiraiya, and…Sasuke. "Sasuke-kun? Tsunade-sama, what's going on?"

Tsunade looks more stressed than she has in months. "Sasuke arrived in Konoha just about an hour ago, and asked us…if we have any new leads on Akatsuki."

"Akatsuki? Why?"

"Because he has no idea where Itachi is."

Sakura looks at Sasuke, thoroughly confused. "But Itachi…" Sasuke is dirty and roughed up around the edges—the bags underneath his eyes are massive and his shoulders are slumped, but on a whole, he seems alright. Well enough to ask for new leads on Itachi, anyway.

But the thing is…he already did kill Itachi. Months ago. When the news came, Sakura was positive that Sasuke would finally come home, but nothing around Konoha changed—the streets were still empty, and so was that reserved spot in her heart. Sakura never hoped for Sasuke to return after that.

"Shizune," Tsunade barks. "Send messenger birds to every capital and ask if Uchiha Itachi or Akatsuki has been sighted recently."

"But—"

"Go." Tsunade's eyes are hard. After a moment, Shizune nods, and exits the room.

"I should, uh…" Sakura's mouth is dry. "I should get Naruto."

"Don't."

"Why not?"

"Naruto has a mission tonight," Jiraiya says. "It's not a difficult one, but every mission has its risks, and we can't have him distracted just because Sasuke's back. It'll only be two weeks—we'll tell him after he returns."

But it's not fair—they started this together as Team 7. How can Naruto not know about something as big as this? Sakura looks at Sasuke, brows creased with worry—but he just stands there with his arms crossed. Why doesn't he remember that he already killed Itachi? Unless he already knows, and he has some sort of trick up his sleeve?

"I don't"—Sasuke speaks up now, and everyone's attention focuses on him—"remember much. I believe I was in a battle with Itachi before I passed out, and when I woke up, parts of my memory were missing. I don't know how he tampered with my mind, but I need to find him to fix things."

Sakura catches Tsunade's eyes, and she can see that the Hokage believes Sasuke just as much as Sakura does—which is not very much. "We'll do our best to find information on Itachi for you," Tsunade tells Sasuke, voice steady. "But until then, we're going to have to keep you under surveillance."

"Why? The last time I checked, I didn't pose a threat to Konoha. I should be able to freely go around the village."

"Just to be sure, Sasuke."

Sasuke's eyes are so blank that it scares Sakura. "Alright."

He walks past Sakura as he leaves the room with Jiraiya, and she swallows thickly, feeling an entire lifetime tick by in that one moment. This is everything she's ever wanted—to have Sasuke finally home—but somehow, this doesn't feel right. He might have something up his sleeve—but if that's the case, what is he planning? Is Konoha in danger? And if he really is telling the truth, then…what on earth happened to him out there?

"So?" Tsunade heaves a sigh and slumps into her seat. Sakura slides into a chair opposite of her, her knees suddenly weak. "What do you think?"

"I…I don't know."

"Do you think he's telling the truth?"

She looks at Tsunade. Tsunade is aware that Sakura and Naruto know Sasuke best, and they'll be the only ones who'll ever know him best, so Tsunade will trust either of their words regarding Sasuke. If Sakura thinks that Sasuke's telling the truth, then Tsunade will believe her.

"Honestly, shishou? I don't know."

—

"Sasuke-kun?" Sakura visits him that night when her shift is over. The dungeons are cold and damp, and goose bumps rise on her skin as she steps close enough to touch the bars of Sasuke's cell. "Are you alright? Is there anything you need?"

"I'm fine." His voice echoes on the stone walls, seemingly bombarding her over and over again. This is all surreal—being able to talk to Sasuke, knowing that he won't try to kill her.

"Oh. Okay." Her mind is whirring with so many things she wants to ask him. "Do you…really have bits of your memory missing?"

"Why would I lie?"

"I don't know, you tell me."

There's amusement laced in Sasuke's voice. It sends shivers up Sakura's spine. "You've grown up a little since the last time I saw you. I like that."

"When do you remember last seeing me?"

There's a moment of silence. "When I left."

Sakura swallows the lump in her throat. That means he doesn't remember the time when she, Naruto, and Sai hunted him down at Orochimaru's lair. "It's been a while since you left—I would definitely hope I've grown up a bit." Sasuke's familiar silence strikes her heart, and she can't help but smile sadly. "So you really weren't lying?"

"Like I said, I wouldn't know why I'd need to lie. Itachi is a common enemy between us—as long as I'm the one who gets to kill him, I don't mind working with Konoha."

Something in Sakura breathes a sigh of relief. Maybe she can relax a little now—maybe he really is telling the truth. A part of her desperately, desperately hopes he is—it would be nice to have something to believe in. "Okay. Wait 'til Naruto hears about this—he'll be so mad that we didn't tell him before he left for his mission."

Even in the dark, she can see Sasuke's eyes, piercing right through her.

"Who's Naruto?"


	2. 2

I'm heading to China for two weeks tomorrow, but before then, have another chapter! Don't worry, I have 17,000 words to throw at you guys before I'm out. I hope you all enjoy it so far! :)

* * *

**don't touch my hand and call it love  
**_you said it was over, and then cried and cried; you were gone before i said goodbye._

2.

* * *

Sakura buries herself in work for the next week, because try as she might, she has no idea how to deal with this.

She wants to see Sasuke again, but when she remembers how he held a blade to Naruto the last time they met, doubt churns in the pit of her stomach. Naruto's faith in Sasuke is blinding—if he were here right now, he would be visiting Sasuke every day. But Sakura is easily swayed—she still loves Sasuke as much as the first day, but she's afraid.

What good is anything if Sasuke doesn't even remember Naruto?

A week after his arrival, Sasuke is finally released. Sakura knows where he's staying right now—the small apartment he got for himself all those years ago, on the opposite side of the village from the Uchiha compound. The second day after he's released, she makes several dishes of food like she's done so many times for Naruto, and with uncertainty, brings them to his place.

"I, um…brought food. Because I figured your fridge isn't exactly stocked," she explains when he opens the door and stares down at her, features expressionless. "Have you eaten yet?"

There's a long moment of silence, and she's almost afraid he's going to close the door in her face, when he finally says, "No," and opens the door wider to let her in. She inwardly breathes a sigh of relief, and steps inside.

"I know living in those cells down there aren't exactly the best condition," she says, trying to make conversation as she looks for a place to set things down. Every surface is still dusty—Sasuke hasn't done any cleaning at all since he was released the day before. "You didn't catch a cold, did you?" She searches around for a cloth so she can at least wipe down the kitchen table.

"No," she hears Sasuke say. She finds a cloth underneath the sink, and when she turns on the tap, it spurts out brown water before it eventually becomes clear. She wrinkles her nose. "Is there…anything I can do?"

She turns around and stares at him. Sasuke is standing in the middle of the kitchen, looking a little lost. "You can, um…get another cloth and wipe the dust off the counters. And set the table? Just chopsticks and plates will do." Sasuke nods and gets to work, and Sakura needs a moment to stare wide-eyed at him, because he actually just took her orders—asked for them, even. As he works, she quickly wipes the table clean and starts setting up the dishes, heart pounding in her chest.

"You said you lost parts of your memory, right?" She keeps her eyes down, concentrating on her task at hand. "What _do_ you remember, then?"

"The massacre," is his first immediate answer. Sakura hears the clinks of cutlery and tableware. "Bits and pieces of my training with Orochimaru. I remember assembling Hebi. I also remember fighting Deidara once, but I don't remember why…" Once everything is in place, Sakura sits down at the table, and Sakura across from him.

"What about your life here in Konoha? What about that do you remember?"

Sasuke takes one of her onigiri and bites into it. He chews for a long time before answering. "The first time Orochimaru came to us during the chuunin exam. Some of the missions. Nothing big—it took me a while to remember who Kakashi is, but I never once was confused about who you were."

"…Oh." Sakura hastily stuffs food in her mouth, trying to hide her blush. "But Naruto…"

"Is he someone I should know?"

Her heart twists into a painful knot. "Yeah. He's…pretty special."

"Oh." And like that, the topic is dropped, and Sasuke returns to this food. "You've improved on your cooking."

Sakura nearly chokes. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

Sasuke sounds unsure. "Because after the massacre…" He hesitates. "You're the next thing I remember the most. I can't push you away if you're one of the few things I really know."

She feels her heart swell, so much that she might burst. Does Sasuke remembering her most have some sort of meaning, or was it just luck? How much has Sasuke thought about her these past years, really? Does he even care about her anymore? Has he ever?

"You're…always welcome to stay here, Sasuke-kun," she says. "You don't have to go after Itachi again."

Sasuke's voice is empty. "I have to." She tries not to physically flinch, but she doesn't know how well she hides it. "You know that, Sakura."

Her head hangs low. "Right."

Later, after she's cleaned up, she stands at Sasuke's door, the empty dishes in her hand. "Thanks for eating with me tonight."

Sasuke shakes his head. "Thanks for the food."

She swallows, trying to keep back her tears. "If you ever want to eat something, just tell me. I'll make it for you."

She's always been in love with Sasuke's eyes. They tell stories—stories that his own words could never express. Sasuke is a broken boy and she's in love with him—she shouldn't try to deny it, because these feelings aren't going to go away, no matter how much time passes. She's in love with this broken boy and his storybook eyes, and she can't tear herself away.

"Thank you," he tells her, and she turns and leaves before the tears begin streaming down her face.

The last thing she's going to do is let Sasuke see her cry again.

—

"Hi, Sasuke-kun!" Sakura smiles brightly as she walks into the room. "How are you today?"

"Fine," is his curt reply. Sakura flips a new page on her clipboard.

"How about your memories? Do you remember anything new?"

"No."

Earlier that day, Tsunade had decided that it might be a good idea to look into Sasuke's mind and his memories, to see what's missing and what isn't. Maybe he sustained some brain damage from his last battle, or maybe he has some neural condition—they won't know unless they look into it. Sasuke asked for their best medic, and so Sakura was sent.

"Alright," she says, jotting a final note down. "Can I have you lie down?"

"Why?"

"Why?" she echoes. "Because…I'm going to give your brain a checkup?"

Sasuke's head tilts a little to the side in question. "You're my medic?"

"Yeah."

The realization slowly dawns in his eyes, and he nods. "Ah. Alright." He lies down and Sakura steps forward, rolling her shoulders once and tying her hair up. Her fingers touch his temples and she concentrates her chakra to gently weave through the sulci of his brain, and even deeper than that.

"You might feel a little woozy, but just take deep breaths if it gets too intense." Sasuke's eyes close, and finally, she feels independent—feels like she's worthy enough to be placed in a position where she's superior to Sasuke. She's never been able to prove her worth to him before—maybe she can do it now. Maybe he'll finally see that she's more than just a girl who's fallen in love with overly romanticized ideas of the person he could be and the person she wants him to be. Sasuke's never realized that Sakura has hoped for this, has dreamed of this, but has never expected it.

Her eyes close as well as she concentrates, first doing a full scan of his brain. Everything seems to be in working condition. Sasuke believes that he was in a fight before his memory went wonky, so maybe it was just an unlucky blow to the head. Maybe it has to do with a jutsu that his opponent put on him. Sakura can't be sure—but if it's the former, then his memory should return after a while.

She can't actually sift through every one of Sasuke's memories that he's retained, but she can see what he's remembering at this very moment. They're flashes of different things—training for missions, honing his skills under Orochimaru—for a brief moment, she sees a field of corpses, and she shivers, wondering if Sasuke killed them all. She doesn't know how long she stands there for, watching as Sasuke gradually recalls different memories—each one that he has of Konoha, bright and sunny Konoha, makes her throat close up and her feelings churn. They're such beautiful memories; memories before a time when everything suddenly turned dark. And they would've been perfect, except for one thing: in each and every one of those memories, Naruto isn't present.

And then—she visibly tenses up at this—the night before Sasuke left. She sees things from Sasuke's point of view—her small frame, looking so fragile at the age of twelve—her tears, her desperation—and a string of emotions suddenly surge through her. This memory is vivid, and it's playing like a film, every second as distinct as the last—and these emotions that she's feeling are Sasuke's, she realizes. His feelings at the time.

She feels his determination to leave the village and to avenge his family, and how nothing is going to stop him. But at the same time, she also feels the uncertainty of what Sasuke is leaving behind—that it probably is better to stay in Konoha and to stay with this girl who loves him. Everything is so crystal clear, and at the exact moment Sasuke is right behind her and thanks her before knocking her out, there's a surge of warmth—of such affection that she literally gasps and steps away from Sasuke, her fingers leaving his temple as though his skin burned her.

Sasuke was concentrating solely on that memory as she was scanning his brain.

She's out of breath and lost for words when Sasuke opens his eyes and looks at her. "Is there anything wrong with me?" he asks, and she realizes that he didn't know that she'd be able to see his memories as he was thinking them. She swallows.

"Not that I could see," she replies, voice shaking a little. "So what I deduce is that in your most recent battle, you most likely got hit in the head pretty hard, in which case your memories should return with due time, or someone placed a jutsu on you. But there aren't many jutsus that delete certain memories like that, and I'm not sure if I see a pattern of what you've forgotten and what you still remember. Right now, I think it's safer to say it was just an accident."

"Hn." Sasuke sits up, his hair a little ruffled from lying down. "How long have you been a medic for?"

"Huh?" Sakura looks at him, surprised by such a question. "Since you left, I guess…it's been a while." She supposes he doesn't remember that she fought an Akatsuki and lived to tell the tale. Sasuke doesn't know anything about her baby steps and growing up. "I did a lot of things while you were gone."

Sasuke doesn't smile, but she swears, she sees the corners of his eyes crinkle with the hint of one. "I hoped you would."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He looks away, and Sakura's breath catches in her throat. "I've always thought you would do better without me."

When she smiles, it's a little sad. "I guess I did." _But I never wanted to._

She wants to ask him about that night—about what he felt when he left the village for good—but she isn't sure if she can find the right words, or even the courage to do so. Even though Sasuke is kinder now, he still looks just as scary, with broad shoulders and dark eyes, his words blunt and with the potential to cut.

"I'm glad you remember me," she says quietly, because she knows how heartbroken Naruto will be once he returns and sees that he means nothing to Sasuke anymore.

"Of course I remember you," Sasuke says, and she doesn't know what to make of that.

—

A few days later, Sasuke asks her to make onigiri for him for lunch, and she gladly does so, bringing the two boxes of food over to his place.

He's cleaned up a bit since then, and most of the dust is gone from the surfaces of his furniture. He has his curtains drawn back so the sunlight spills into the rooms, and she feels more life in here than there has been in years.

"Why onigiri?" she asks him, setting the food down at the kitchen table. "I could make other things that probably taste better."

"I haven't had homemade food in a long time," Sasuke says simply, sitting down and eating right away. "It's good."

She flushes and sits down across from him, eating as well. She's not used to receiving praise from him; it's such a nice change. Having Sasuke treat her like a civilized person is all she's even wanted. They eat in silence for a while, when suddenly, there's pounding at the door. They glance at each other, before Sakura makes a move to open it—that is, until it blasts right off its hinges.

Naruto is standing in the doorway, heaving and out of breath, and Sakura's eyes widen.

"Baa-chan seriously waited for me to report my entire mission to her before she even bothered to tell me you were back," he retorts, stalking up to Sasuke and grabbing him by the collar. "What the hell, teme—all of a sudden, you're back and living a peachy life? What are you up to?"

"Naruto!" Sakura all but screeches, grabbing at him so he lets go of Sasuke. "Did Tsunade-sama not tell you anything?"

Naruto blinks. "Tell me what?"

Right. Of course Naruto would bulldoze his way to Sasuke without even hearing out the entire situation.

Sasuke beats her to it, though. "So you're the Naruto that Sakura has mentioned?"

She visibly winces as Naruto stares at Sasuke, the adrenaline slowly draining from him. His shoulders slump and his jaw drops a little. "What are you talking about, teme? Of course I'm Naruto—who else would I be?"

Sakura takes Naruto by the wrist to the living room and explains the situation to him as Sasuke cleans up the food that she brought over. By the end of it, Naruto has punched Sasuke's coffee table, leaving a significant crack in it even without the use of chakra. His face is twisted in frustration, and she feels her heart twist along with it—she would do anything to have Sasuke forget her instead. After everything they've been through, Naruto is the one who's sacrificed the most for Sasuke.

When Sasuke is done cleaning, he joins them in the living room. Naruto is quiet, watching him with hurt eyes.

"Sasuke-kun," she ventures, "Naruto was the third member of Team 7. He's your best friend."

Sasuke doesn't even hesitate. "If he's my best friend, why couldn't he stop me from leaving?"

She's afraid that Naruto is going to blow up at him, but all he does is sit in silence. It scares Sakura—she's never known Naruto to be so quiet. "He did everything he could," she tries again. "You really don't remember anything?"

Sasuke's silence is more than enough of an answer.

"It's alright," Naruto says. Even though his voice isn't full of its usual vigor, his grin is almost blinding. "If you don't remember me, we'll just make new memories! And I'll make you remember me eventually." Sakura feels tears prickling at the back of her eyes. "Let's hunt Itachi down together!"

Sasuke nods. "I appreciate your assistance."

Naruto leaves a little while later, his spirit dampened but not put out (no, never put out), and Sakura hugs him goodbye. "Things will get better," she promises. "He'll remember you." She can see how he struggles to smile genuinely.

"Of course he will, Sakura-chan. What's wrong with you? No one forgets me!"

"I have to head to work now," she tells Sasuke once Naruto has left. "Let me know if you find out anything about Itachi, okay?"

Sasuke nods. "Thanks again for lunch."

She shakes her head. "It really is no problem. I'll drop by again once I have time, alright?" It's frighteningly easy to fall into a routine like this—one where Sasuke doesn't mind her presence—one where he respects her and treats her like an equal. How _easy_ it would've been to be with Sasuke if his life had never gone wrong, how effortless it would've been to hide just how much she loves him when he gives her the attention that he would give a regular friend.

It all could've been so simple.

"I'll see you later," she says once she's at the door. She's about to turn around and leave when suddenly, Sasuke reaches out and grabs her wrist. She turns back to look at him. "Yeah?"

There is uncertainty in his eyes, and he looks as though he's about to say something. She raises her eyebrows to show that she's listening.

"…Never mind." He lets her go, and her arm falls limply at her side.

"Okay," she says, laughing a little. "I'll see you around, Sasuke-kun."

Her heart is still beating frantically in her chest even when she reaches the hospital for her shift, and she doesn't know why.


	3. 3

Updates may come slower because of writing issues, but I'll do the best I can!

* * *

**don't touch my hand and call it love**  
_you said it was over, and then cried and cried; you were gone before i said goodbye._

3.

* * *

At some points, Sakura thinks this is a second chance. With the luck that she has with Sasuke—him remembering her, the person he never wanted to see, and not Naruto, who might have been the only person who was remotely important to him—this might be a second chance.

Sasuke doesn't talk much—to her or to anyone—and is often either found at home or at the training grounds, but he is much easier to approach than before. Sometimes, Sakura offers to treat his minor wounds, or to make him lunch, and he'll agree with a nod of the head. Step by step, she thinks. Step by step.

(_Maybe one day, he'll look her in the eye, and she'll know that they're friends._)

"I think"—Naruto leans back in his seat, his ramen only half eaten. It's his first bowl. "He'll be fine. I think he'll be fine. He'll remember me eventually, and everything will return to normal, right?"

Just how much this is affecting Naruto makes Sakura's stomach do flips of guilt. She's never seen him so bothered by anything before. "Yeah," she agrees, even though she doesn't quite believe that it'll be that simple. "Everything will be just fine."

Naruto stares at his food for a few short moments, before pushing it away from him. "I'm going to train," he says. "Not hungry." He tosses a few bills onto the table and walks off, leaving Sakura by herself. She glances down at her bowl, taking note of the soggy noodles and pork that she's eaten so many times before in her life.

She's lost her appetite, too.

—

"I've got takoyaki," Sakura invites herself into Sasuke's home, "and dango. And tea. Have you eaten yet?"

"No," Sasuke replies, closing the door behind him. "You're not working today?"

"I have the night shift. What about you? What are you doing these days?" He doesn't answer, which she supposes makes sense, since he's not allowed to leave the village, and is still determined to kill his brother who happens to already be dead. "Well, lunch is here. Help yourself."

Sasuke sits down, in the quiet way he does, and pours the tea out into two mugs. In this setting, in a quiet kitchen, with food on the table and steaming tea—the image is so idyllic, so peaceful that Sakura has to stop and stare for a moment. This is the man that she's loved for the majority of her life—the man who wouldn't hesitate to spill blood all over his hands, who wouldn't care if he had to tear the world to shreds if it meant he could get what he wanted—and he's sitting down, setting up a meal. And she loves him.

How does that ever come to happen?

They eat in silence, Sakura to her thoughts, and Sasuke to his. When they're finished, they clean up together, and walk down the street until they have to part ways—Sasuke to the training grounds, and Sakura to the greenhouse. She's happy like this—this is her Sasuke, the Sasuke that she's always imagined.

"You look happier than usual," Shizune remarks when they pass at the entrance of the greenhouse. "What happened?"

"Nothing." It's difficult to keep her smile at a minimum, and the older woman gives her a strange look.

"Hey"—Shizune hugs her paperwork tighter to her chest—"you probably already know, but the entire village is talking about Sasuke. What's he…like?"

"Well…" Sakura thinks for a moment, before shrugging. "I don't think he changed much, to be honest. He's still the same old Sasuke." When Shizune doesn't reply, she adds, "I mean, without the anger issues and the constant desire to kill the last of his family."

"But it's still there, right? The desire to kill Itachi, I mean." Shizune smiles wryly. "There's no way he could change that easily. He's probably going to explode eventually, whether he finds out the truth or not."

Sakura frowns. "Is that what everyone is saying about Sasuke-kun? That he's either going to go crazy and try to hunt Itachi down again, or find out that he's already dead and kill us all for keeping it from him?"

There's a look in Shizune's eyes, and Sakura doesn't like it one bit. "Do you know what they say about you, Sakura? They're saying that you've already become that twelve-year-old girl again, who would do anything for her schoolgirl crush." The words cut right through Sakura, and she winces. Shizune's brows are creased with worry. "I know you're more than that, but they don't. Do yourself a favor—prove them wrong. Don't let Sasuke get to you a second time."

After all that she's done—Sakura has trained for years under Tsunade, she's become the second best medic in the country—she's proved herself on several occasions and _fought an Akatsuki and won_—and this is still what she amounts to? All of these years, and this is still what defines her? The irrational infatuation that her preteen self had for a boy that had lost all hope from the start?

(_Except it's not an irrational infatuation, is it?_)

By the time the older woman has left to return to her work and Sakura has started her own, her good mood has dampened considerably.

—

The problem with Sasuke being back is this. The balance of the village is completely thrown off, and nobody knows where to look when the last of the Uchiha clan walks down the street. Whispers follow him wherever he goes, and everyone is afraid of him—what do they say to the man who had ambitions and went too far to achieve them?

(_The road to hell is paved with good intentions._)

Sakura tries to distract Sasuke when they're out in public, when all eyes are on him and cornering him in. If he's bothered by the villagers treating him like a freak on display, he doesn't show it. He just thinks that they're talking about how miraculous it is that he's back, when in reality, he's the one who doesn't know anything. The entire world is keeping a secret from him.

"So," Ino says abruptly, yanking Sakura from her reverie that she drifted into while staring at one of her patient's chart. "Shikamaru and I are having a joint birthday party this Saturday. You're coming, right?"

Every year, Ino and Shikamaru have a joint birthday party, but it's less of a joint birthday party than it is Ino's birthday party that she tacks Shikamaru's name on to the end of so it doesn't look childish that a grown woman is still throwing birthday parties for herself. She'll personally invite everyone each year and threaten their lives if they don't come, so it's always packed full of people, even if they don't want to be there.

"Of course I'm coming," Sakura replies, shutting the chart because she doesn't remember when she opened it in the first place. "Sasuke-kun can come too, right?"

There is a pregnant pause before Ino answers. "Yeah, I guess."

"You guess?"

The blonde sighs. "Yeah, he can come."

With the look that Ino has in her eyes, Sakura can't help but think that her best friend is disappointed in her. "You don't like him, do you?"

"Well, I don't have much reason to, do I? Not before he left, and not now that he's come back."

"Ino—" Sakura sighs. "He's our teammate. We can't just abandon him."

"I know that. But is that all? Is he just a teammate to you? Is that all this is?" Sakura wants to say yes, but she knows she's lying, and Ino will know she's lying. And there's no point in lying if no one's fooled.

"Anyway. We'll be there. Sasuke and I. And Naruto, too."

Ino nods, giving Sakura one last worried look before walking away.

—

"Why am I going?" Sasuke asks when Sakura informs him of the birthday party. "I don't talk to Nara, and I don't even remember who Yamanaka is."

"Well, it's just…courtesy, I guess. Since you're back and you don't want to stay on everyone's bad side."

"I'm not staying for long, Sakura," he reminds her—and none too gently. "I'm leaving again as soon as there's information on Itachi. You know that." How easily he's able to say that jolts her, and she tries not to appear too affected by his words. The last thing Sasuke wants is to know that she still has residual feelings for him.

He's currently laying down for an examination. Sakura is checking out his brain to see if anything has changed, or if there's any sign that his memories will return soon. Nothing has changed, but she's trying to stall by telling him about Ino's party so he won't be disappointed again. There hasn't been a change for the last two checkups either.

"Naruto will be there," she says with a touch of hope—hope that things—everything—will turn out for the better. "It'll be fun."

"Sakura." Sasuke opens his eyes to look at her. His eyes are so dark. They haven't changed at all in the years of his absence—they're just as black, just as empty, and just as heartless. Sasuke has heartless eyes, and they pierce right into you, always reminding you how little you matter to him. "I don't remember Naruto either. Stop talking as though he matters to me."

"He…he _matters_, Sasuke-kun." She takes her fingers off of his temples, and he sits up while she turns away, scribbling furiously onto his chart. "Stop saying he doesn't." He doesn't reply. "There's no change. You can go."

She waits until she hears the door close before she looks up from the chart. She's trying very hard not to cry.

—

On Saturday evening, Sakura arrives with Sasuke at Ino's house. Naruto is already there, chatting Hinata up (who is desperately trying not to faint, from what Sakura can gather), but the moment he notices their arrival, he bounds over to them like an overexcited dog.

"Sakura-chan! Teme! I thought you'd never show up!"

Laughing, Sakura returns Naruto's hug. "I had to drag him here, so it took a while. But he came in the end."

"Because you've been in my kitchen, nagging for two hours straight," Sasuke retorts. There isn't any hint of malice in his voice, however, and Sakura smiles.

"_Anyway_," Naruto interrupts, punching Sasuke's arm in a friendly manner, "Ino didn't bother to wait to get the party started. Jiraiya's already drunk."

"She invited _Jiraiya_?"

"She invited the entire village." The blonde shrugs. "Whatever. It's fun to see him hit on Baa-chan."

Sakura sighs, already seeing that this night would end badly. "Well, you boys enjoy yourselves and catch up and re-befriend each other, or something. I'm going to give Ino and Shikamaru their presents, okay?" Naruto gives her the thumbs up sign and Sasuke grunts, so she takes it as an affirmative.

Ino is in the kitchen, refilling the punch bowl when Sakura finds her. She's wearing a purple dress, short and casual but making her glow brighter than anyone else Sakura has seen this evening. Ino has a way of doing that—looking gorgeous without even trying. It's a trait that Sakura has envied since they were children, because for as long as she remembered, she could spend hours on her appearances, and still look washed out beside her best friend.

"You look amazing," she gushes to Ino, hugging her and handing over her gift.

"And _you're_ late." Ino scoffs, taking the gift and placing it on a table in the corner of the room, where the rest of her unopened presents are. "But thanks for showing. Shikamaru's brooding in the living room, in case you're looking for him."

"I am. Thanks." Sakura glances down at the punch that Ino's concocting, and decides that it's better not to know what's in there. "I'll talk to you in a bit."

The Shikamaru today and the Shikamaru of several years ago is generally the same at first glance, but drastically different if you talk to him for more than fifteen minutes. The blow he took from Asuma's death never wore off—in fact, it got worse as time grew on. If he's the leader of a team during a mission, he doesn't risk anything. He hardly talks to anyone anymore. He spends most of his time laying in the grass and staring at the sky, or smoking in front of Asuma's grave. It's been hard for everyone who interacts with him, but it's been the most difficult for Ino and Chouji, who have been there from the start.

This is a hard line of work, and some people just never heal.

Shikamaru is sitting cross-legged in front of the fireplace, seemingly unaffected by the commotion and noise around him, when she finds him. She can see the shadows of the flames stretching and contorting as he plays with them, making them move and jump and dance. They're beautiful, she thinks. He makes art.

"Hey. Happy birthday." She holds out her gift to him, and he stares at it for a moment, before a wry smile stretches on his lips and he accepts it.

"Thanks. You know you don't have to, right? You're the only one who bothers with me anymore."

"Yeah, well. It's not that they don't bother—they're just lazy."

Shikamaru laughs, even though it doesn't sound quite genuine. (It hasn't sounded genuine for a very long time.) "It's the same thing. I would know."

Sakura doesn't answer. Instead, she sits down beside him and crosses her legs as well, staring into the fireplace and its dancing shadows, feeling the heat on her skin, so hot it's almost burning her. "Are you doing alright these days?"

Shikamaru doesn't look at her. "Yeah. Sure. What about you?"

"I'm doing good too."

"Really?"

Surprised, Sakura frowns. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, I thought you'd be at least a little bit shaken up, since Sasuke's back. Aren't you?"

"It's not like he came back _yesterday_," Sakura says, feeling some sort of jab in her gut. Of course. Nobody thinks she's capable of handling Sasuke's return like a mature adult, so why would Shikamaru? "I'm fine. I'm getting used to it again. You, on the other hand…"

Shikamaru shrugs. "I never admitted to being strong enough to handle what life threw at me."

"And I did?"

"You're insisting that you're doing good, aren't you?"

She purses her lips and sighs. "Fine. Maybe I'm not doing good. But I'm going to be. I'm still strong enough for this—I just need a little bit of time." Shikamaru looks at her out of the corner of his eye before focusing his attention back on the fireplace again. It looks like he's holding back from saying something. "What?"

"I know it's none of my business, and we weren't even on the same team as kids, but…we see each other as friends, so I think I have the right to ask you this. Are you going to be as involved as you were last time?"

"And by involved, you mean…?"

"Overly concerned about Sasuke. Dropping everything for him. Being in love with him?"

Sakura finds it ironic, how an irreversibly broken man is the one telling her not to get herself broken. "Well, I don't plan to be, but you know how plans can turn out."

Smiling wryly, Shikamaru nods. "Yeah."

"Tell you what." She pats him on the back. "As long as you keep hanging in there, I'll keep hanging in there. Deal?"

His smile seems to reach his eyes this time. "Deal."

—

Later, when the clock says it is way after midnight, and Sakura is scouring Ino's house for any sign of Naruto, she bumps into Sasuke—who she's even surprised is still around. She expected him to leave within an hour. "Hey! Do you know where Naruto is? I can't find him anywhere."

"He was passed out on Yamanaka's bed, so I brought him home about an hour ago."

"You…" Sakura has to do a double take. "You brought him home?"

"Yes," he replies, his features moving a fraction of an inch, so it's his version of giving her a strange look. "Should I not have?"

"No, that's fine. That's great—because now, I don't have to do it." She can't help but smile through the bewilderment, because Sasuke brought Naruto home. Even though Sasuke hardly knows Naruto, he still brought him home. Which is something that a nice, civilized person would do.

"I'm going to leave too," Sasuke says. "It's late."

It's strange, Sakura thinks. Here they are, adults, standing in the aftermath of a party that strongly resembles what teenagers would do. This couldn't have happened when they were younger—when making stupid decisions was okay because she would only be a child. Tonight is not a night that earns more merit than any other night, but tonight, she is alone with Sasuke in the aftermath of a party, and…she realizes that she's still in love with him. She's still in love with Sasuke.

(_She has not moved a single inch since the night he left._)

"Well, I'll be going too. Do you mind…?"

"No. As long as you don't shout. I've had enough noise for one day."

"Okay."

And she doesn't know how difficult it will be to keep her promise to Shikamaru.


	4. 4

I can see a lot of potential problems with this story, and it would be great if you guys could give me some tips or insight as the readers, as it seems like I've lost sight of this fic as the days have passed. Thanks for still reading!

* * *

**don't touch my hand and call it love  
**_you said it was over, and then cried and cried; you were gone before i said goodbye._

4.

* * *

"He's incinerating the entire place," Naruto mutters to Sakura. "At this rate, he's going to destroy the entire village even without intending to."

"He's _stressed_," Sakura hisses back, neither her nor Naruto taking their eyes off of Sasuke, who's training alone. He's already demolished one training site and is on his second, the trees falling, grass burning with feeble embers until the ground is nothing but dirt and rubble. "He's not allowed to leave the village, he can't remember half of his life, and there's still no information on Akatsuki or Itachi. _You'd_ wipe out the village too, Naruto."

They fall into a silence as they watch Sasuke, too afraid to approach him, but also afraid of what will happen if they leave him unsupervised.

"We need to stop him," Naruto says gravely.

"Yeah."

Neither of them move.

This is most likely a comical image for anyone who is not Sakura or Naruto right now—which, she has to admit, is pretty funny. But concern still lines her face as she watches Sasuke demolish the area, wondering what could be going through his mind right now, or what he's feeling.

"You should go talk to him," Naruto says, an edge of fear in his voice. "He doesn't remember who I am—he'll kill me without a thought if I bother him."

"_You're_ the one with the Kyuubi locked inside of you! You can take on one measly Uchiha!"

They glare at each other for a brief second, before they burst out laughing. This is more like it—this is more like the Team 7 that they've always envisioned.

"Let's both go," Sakura finally settles with a smile on her face. She links arms with Naruto and they march towards Sasuke, who's currently electrocuting the life out of a poor boulder. "Sasuke-kun! Sasuke-kun, can you hear me?" The Uchiha pauses in his training and turns around, hair matted with sweat and a dark streak of dirt staining his neck. "Can we train with you?"

Sasuke doesn't reply, and the smile melts off of Sakura's face. Okay, maybe training together is a bit too much to ask right now. He probably doesn't want anything to do with them—

"Whoa!" She and Naruto jump apart as Sasuke charges between them, right where they would've been if they hadn't moved. In his hands is a crackling Chidori, redirected from the boulder onto them. Sakura and Naruto share a look before the grins bloom on their faces again.

She crouches into a defensive position, and readies herself.

—

"It's that time of year again, Tsunade-sama."

"Yes it is, Sakura." The Hokage casually rolls the scroll across her desk for Sakura to catch as it rolls off the edge. "Are you looking forward to it?"

Sakura laughs. "What is there to look forward to?"

Every year, when July is ending and August is beginning, is the prime growth period of a special desert herb that can only be found in the Wind Country. Sakura always goes personally to pick them herself, because it's not an ordinary herb; it releases toxins once it's picked, and must be dealt with properly. Of course, the toxins aren't fatally dangerous, but they do leave some rather nasty rashes that persist for over a week, so it's always best for a trained professional to do it to avoid any inconvenient circumstances.

"On the way back, I'm going to drop by Suna for one night if you don't mind," she tells Tsunade, pocketing the scroll that she's read so many times before. She doesn't need a briefing for this mission, but it's just formalities.

"Sure. Send Gaara my regards."

"I'll see you in a week, then!"

The heat in Konoha is full blown in the middle of summer, and it's not much better in the Wind Country, where the climate isn't even suitable for trees to grow. Sakura isn't exactly looking forward to this mission, but she is looking forward to getting out of the village. The recent weeks of Sasuke's return has taken a toll on her, both mentally and physically, and she's in need of a breather.

The sun is setting over the horizon as Sakura heads home, with the plans of packing in mind. She'll need to sleep early if she wants to get a good start tomorrow before the midday heat begins to hit. Of course, packing and getting a good night's rest is the least of her worries when she returns home and finds Sasuke leaning against her front door, presumably waiting for her return.

"Sasuke-kun? Is everything alright?"

His gaze leaves the ground and lands on her, expression blank and difficult to read. "May I come in?" he asks.

"Yes," she answers, although uncertain. She needs to prepare for tomorrow, and Sasuke being around means that she'll probably be distracted. "Not for long, though, if you don't mind. I have to pack."

"Mission?"

She unlocks the door and lets him in first. "Yeah. Just an annual thing, collecting some herbs. Nothing big. Do you need me for anything?" As she grabs two cups from a cupboard and starts boiling water for some tea, Sasuke doesn't answer. "Sasuke-kun?" When she turns to look at him, he seems to be snapping out of a reverie.

"No, I don't need you for anything."

"Then, uh, not to be rude, but what are you doing here?"

Sasuke appears to be genuinely as confused as Sakura. "I don't know. I just…"

"You just…?"

He shakes his head. "Nothing. I'll make the tea—you start packing."

Sakura frowns with worry as Sasuke starts searching her kitchen for the tea leaves, but leaves him be. It's difficult to get anything she wants out of him anyway, and she doesn't know what to say to him at this point, because frankly, there's nothing left to say.

A few minutes of silence pass as she packs and the water boils. Sakura is beginning to commend herself on how well she holds herself together in Sasuke's presence—at first, she wasn't sure if she'd be able to. She seems to have her feelings under wraps and hidden out of sight, even though—even now, her heart is pounding because Sasuke is in her home. Because Sasuke waited at her door for her to return.

When the kettle begins to boil, she returns to the kitchen and finds some leftover food in the fridge. "Has there been any news on Itachi?" she asks, more for small talk, since she knows there can't be news on a dead man.

"No," Sasuke answers. "I'm beginning to wonder if the village is trying hard enough."

She glances at him out of the corner of her eyes. "Of course they're trying, Sasuke-kun. How could you say that?"

"Does that offend you?"

Sometimes, she still can't believe some of the things that come out of his mouth. "Of _course_ that offends me. I was born here, brought up here, and trained to serve this village. We're not all wanderers like you." She places some daifuku on the table, a little harder than necessary, the plate thunking against the wood. Sasuke brings the tea over.

"I apologize." Sakura turns, staring at him. He's avoiding her eyes. "For offending you."

For several moments, she is actually too surprised to respond. "It's okay." Sasuke looks oddly out of place, wearing casual clothes and standing in her kitchen. She's forgotten this side of him—the side that knows how to care for himself, to cook—the side that doesn't belong on the battlefield and spills blood. She wishes that this side of Sasuke is the predominant side of Sasuke.

"But really," she says, after they've sat down at the table. "Why are you here? I don't remember you to be one to drop by for late night visits." He doesn't answer, and she wasn't really expecting him to. "What, did you come just so we could sit across from each other in total silence?"

Sasuke looks at her this time—looks straight at her, eyes staring at her—_at_ her, which is so rare, since she's so used to him staring right through her. "I've been thinking about this for a while," he says, "that I need at least a basic level of medical training. I never had the chance, but now that I have time, I think I should learn. Fighting Itachi won't be an easy battle."

"Medical training isn't easy," Sakura says, surprised that Sasuke would propose such a thing. "It took me months to get the basics down."

"I might be here for months."

"Sasuke-kun…you're a fighter. Not a healer." She feels uneasy about Sasuke gaining knowledge in her field of expertise. It's the one thing that she has the upper hand in, and for Sasuke to surpass her in this as well—she doesn't know how she'll take it. Sakura has envied everything Sasuke ever had until the moment she started her training under Tsunade. Being a medic-nin gave her faith in herself.

And Sasuke might take that all away again.

But the lack of security she has in herself is not a good enough reason to stop Sasuke from doing what he wants to do (and it's not like he would pay her heed anyway), so she says, "I'll let Tsunade know—maybe she'll have a free hour here and there to take you in."

"I don't want the Hokage." Sasuke drinks his tea.

"Why not?"

"She would not teach me to the best of her ability. She has the village to think about."

"I don't understand, Sasuke-kun. Tsunade-sama is the best you could have. You don't want the best?"

"I want you."

At this point, Sakura has no idea what to make of the words that spill out of Sasuke's mouth anymore. He's never made sense, but now, even less so. She wants so badly to understand him, to lay him out with equations and formulas; clean cut, yes or not, right or wrong; to analyze him, decode him and discover all of his secrets. She wants to know everything about Sasuke to the point where she can predict his thoughts, can know what he's feeling even when he doesn't give any of it away.

But how does she do that? How does she take apart and meticulously study the person who has never let her?

"I—I need to pack." Sakura pushes her chair back and flees to her room, eyes fixed on the floor, determined to look anywhere but at Sasuke.

What does he mean, he wants her? He wants her to teach him medical jutsu? What for? Why her? Especially when he's never shown any interest in her in the past—pushed her away, even, when she tried to get closer to him. Everything's backwards now, where she keeps as much distance as possible, and he makes advances that she can't fathom. Sasuke is never going to stop baffling her.

"Sakura." Sasuke follows her to her room, leaning against the doorframe as she fumbles with her weapons, shoving everything in her pouch without much thought. "I want you to teach me."

"I have nothing to teach you, Sasuke-kun. If anything, it should be the other way around."

"You were taught under the best. You're the second best medic in the Fire Country, if not of all the nations. I've heard that you defeated an Akatsuki in battle."

Her throat is closing up, and she doesn't know why. "Well, that's very nice of you to acknowledge my successes, Sasuke-kun, but I really can't. If you want to learn, I can ask Tsunade-sama, because like you said, she's the best. But I really…can't."

"Why not?"

"What do you take me for?" Sakura spins around, a shuriken hooked onto her finger, and for a moment, she contemplates throwing it at him. "Sasuke-kun, what am I to you? You say that some of your memory is gone, but if you've been telling the truth and you _do_ remember me more than most things, do you remember how you treated me? Do you remember how you shoved me away every time I showed any affection towards you? I was less than nothing to you, Sasuke-kun, and you left—you _left_ us and we had to deal with the disaster that you left behind! Don't think you can stroll back in here and still get the attention that you had in the past, because we learned to live without you—I learned to live without you, and I will _not_ let you make a fool out of me again."

She pauses to take a breath, her chest rising and falling heavily. Sasuke is looking at her with blank eyes (_always so blank, always so empty_), and here she is, worked up over something that might as well be nothing to him. Sasuke doesn't care. Who is she kidding? He just wants to make himself better, to train himself for the day he kills Itachi. It couldn't matter less to him that he steps all over Sakura's pride in the process.

"I'm sorry," Sasuke says, "if I've ever made you feel like a fool."

Again. He's apologized twice in one night.

"Don't fucking say that! You're years too late!" She throws the shuriken, as hard as she can, vision beginning to blur from her tears. She hates this. Crying in front of Sasuke is the last thing she's ever wanted to do again, but here she is, all a mess because he asked her a favor. She's pathetic. She really is, truly pathetic.

(_It hurts. Everything he says, everything he does, hurts. How does she make it stop?_)

"Get out," she bites out. "I need to pack." She turns away from him and yanks open her closet, gathering clothes, even though she knows she won't need that much. She just needs to look occupied until Sasuke leaves.

Sasuke remains at the doorway for what feels like eternity, until she finally hears him move. There's the faint clinking of metal before he steps out of her room. Another moment more, and her front door closes behind him.

Sakura stares at the clothes in her closet, every pair of training shorts, every dress Ino insisted looked great on her, every pretty shirt she bought on a whim, and has never felt uglier in her life.

When she turns back to her bed, she sees the shuriken that she threw, sitting on top of her other weapons. There's blood on it.


	5. 5

**don't touch my hand and call it love_  
_**_you said it was over, and then cried and cried; you were gone before i said goodbye._

5.

* * *

Naruto ignores the persistent knocks on the door for the first five minutes, until he's wide awake and lying in bed, very pissed off about who the hell could be needing his company this late at night.

"What the hell—" He stops mid-sentence when he throws open the door to find Sasuke. "Teme."

"Is that how you treat someone you claim to be your best friend?" Sasuke asks, slipping past Naruto and into his room. "That's rude. Dobe." Naruto is thrown off by the sudden endearment—well, not endearment, exactly, but it _is_ an endearment when used by Sasuke. It must've been something that just came to Sasuke's mind, because there's no way that he remembers that he used to call Naruto that.

"What do you want? It's late, man." He follows Sasuke, who searches his small apartment and quickly finds the bathroom. "Oi, I'm talking to you." Sasuke opens the medicine cabinet. "Dude, if you just _told me what you needed_, I can get it for you, instead of you just going through my stuff like a thief!"

"Ointment," Sasuke replies. "And bandages."

"And what, you don't have that at your place?"

"I never restocked after I returned."

Naruto heaves a sigh. "I didn't take you for having stupid accidents during training."

"I didn't. Sakura attacked me."

Naruto, who's pulling out the bandages, freezes. "What?" That is the last thing that he—or anyone, really—would expect Sakura to do.

"Threw a shuriken at me," Sasuke amends.

"Okay," Naruto says slowly. "And it didn't occur to you to just sidestep it?"

Sasuke's silence rings deafeningly in the bathroom, and Naruto doesn't question him any further. After gathering the necessary materials, he ushers Sasuke back to the living room and onto the couch. His shirt is stained with a large splotch of blood between the clavicle and the shoulder.

The Uchiha strips off his shirt and lets Naruto tend to the wound. It's small, but deep—the shuriken must have really lodged itself in there. Sakura must have put all of her strength into it. (He can't imagine what it would've been like if she added chakra, too.)

Sasuke flinches when Naruto begins cleaning out the wound. "I can see why you weren't the one who became the medic."

"Oh, shut up. You just have a low pain tolerance." Naruto cleans up the excess blood and slowly dabs the ointment on. Sasuke's torso is decorated with several scars, some much bigger and nastier than others. Naruto wonders how many of those he can actually remember getting.

"What was I like, before I left?" Naruto looks up at Sasuke, who's staring down into his lap. His tone holds no curiosity, and his features express no desire to actually hear an answer. It's like he's asking for the sake of asking.

"I don't know," Naruto grumbles. "You were a real asshole. Why?"

"Sakura said things."

"What sort of things?"

"That I used to never treat her with respect, and I made a fool out of her. Is this true?"

A sad smile reaches Naruto's lips. "Yeah. Being nice wasn't exactly on your list of priorities."

"I don't remember the times I treated her well."

"Well, that's because…" Naruto takes the bandages, and can't help but grip them harder than necessary. "You've never treated her well." The Uchiha doesn't respond to him—doesn't even move. Naruto feels the slightest twinge of jealousy. Sasuke seems to be putting actual thought into how he used to treat Sakura and how he plans to treat her in the future, and Naruto is just…what? What is he to Sasuke now? Just a face he should know, but doesn't. Probably just some idiot who goes around boasting empty words, because none of it means anything if the memories are gone.

Naruto ties the bandages tightly. Sasuke winces.

"I will change that," Sasuke says—more to himself than to Naruto.

"What do you mean?" He cuts the bandage and and clips it together.

"I'll treat her well from now on."

Naruto can't help but laugh, because Sasuke saying those things is just absolutely ludicrous. "You? Treat Sakura-chan well? That memory loss really did a number on you, didn't it?" When Sasuke doesn't reply, the grin fades from Naruto's face. "Teme. What do you even remember of her?"

Sasuke buries his face in his hands. "Too much. I remember more of her than I remember my days spent training to kill Itachi."

Sympathy floods Naruto as he watches his best friend. For someone like Sasuke, who's spent his entire life working towards one thing and one thing only, losing his memories must've been earth-shattering. Sasuke knows that he needs to kill Itachi, and yet, he can't remember all of the effort he's put into reaching that goal. Instead, his memories are full of a pink-haired girl who he never looked twice at, and that's all he can base his thoughts and actions on.

Naruto never thought of the memory loss as a change in character, but that's exactly what it is. A change in character.

(_And what a frightening change it is._)

And past the sympathy is resentment. Because Sasuke remembers Sakura, but not Naruto. Naruto knows that he shouldn't think that way, but he really is affected by it. Why Sakura? Why not him? Naruto doesn't believe that he's better than Sakura in many aspects, but there is one thing he's better at: being Sasuke's friend.

But no matter how good he is at that, it doesn't matter if Sasuke doesn't remember him. And that's the worst part—because he doesn't matter so long as the neurons in bastard's brain don't fire in the right direction. Why do electrical impulses get to decide the fate of a friendship?

"Teme." The night air is cold on his skin as he lets Sasuke out. "Do you love her?"

Sasuke pauses in his tracks. "If I ever did, then I never let myself believe it." He walks away, and Naruto watches him until he disappears from sight. Always watching his back.

Always watching him walk away.

—

Sakura set out early for the Wind Country the next morning, having gotten little to no sleep at all. She walks down the wide gravel path until she doesn't want to walk anymore, and then leaps through the trees with the wind in her hair.

She doesn't want to think. She doesn't want to remember the events of the night before, or how she shouted and displayed such a shameful, vulnerable side of herself to Sasuke. She doesn't want to wonder about his apologies, or the blood on her shuriken—the blood that she couldn't wipe off without crying and crying and crying again. She doesn't want to contemplate the several unfathomable reasons why Sasuke might have let the weapon slice through his flesh, or how he had lost his usual sharp edge last night.

She just…doesn't want to think.

The majority of her mission is spent not thinking and shoving everything to the back of her mind while she thoughtlessly travels and picks herbs. It's peaceful, in a way, excusing the oncoming storm waiting to happen once she does decide to think.

It's been years, and she still doesn't know how to deal with Sasuke.

Once she's finished picking the herbs, she makes her quick detour to Suna for a visit. The guards at the gates recognize her from a mile away, and by the time she's reached the mouth of the village, Gaara is already there to welcome her.

"You should've told us that you were coming, Sakura. We would've made preparations for you."

She smiles. It's nice to see a face that she doesn't want to turn tail and run from. "It's no problem, really. I'm only staying for a night. Tsunade-sama sends her regards."

"And mine to her." Gaara and Sakura walk down the sandy roads of Suna, the wind blowing dust at their feet. "I've heard news of the Uchiha's return. Is that true?"

"That's unfortunately the case."

"Unfortunately? Why is that unfortunate?"

"Have you not heard?"

"Heard what?"

"Sasuke-kun returned to Konoha in hopes that we can help him track Itachi down. He's lost all trails on him."

"Uchiha Itachi…" Gaara sounds troubled. "Isn't he dead?"

Laughing, Sakura replies, "Yes. Sasuke-kun seems to have suffered a memory loss. We still don't know what to do with him yet."

"I don't see how that's funny."

"That's the thing. It's not." She sighs heavily. "We have a human weapon walking in our wake, and we don't know when he's going to detonate." Of course, Sasuke's position in Konoha is the least of her worries right now, but she's not going to tell the Kazekage that.

"If you have any problems with him, don't hesitate to contact us."

"Of course."

"Now, enough pleasantries. I'll have a room prepared for you immediately. How long are you staying?"

"Oh, just one night! You don't need to go through that much trouble for me, I'll just find an inn. I just wanted to rest and pay you all a visit before I return."

"We'd do anything for you, Sakura. You know that."

Suna is hot, just like Konoha, but it's also dry. Konoha is blessed with green trees and chirping birds, but all Suna has is dirt and sand and dust. This is a suitable place for Sasuke to live, she thinks. A barren land for a barren man.

In the room prepared for her by Gaara, she's able to escape the summer heat and rest for a while. She has a basket full of herbs and a pouch full of unused weapons sitting on the table, and she's lying on the first proper bed in the last three nights when the door knocks.

"Come in!"

It's Temari, looking no different than she's always looked, the lilted smile on her lips and her hair tied up in several ponytails. "Hey, Sakura."

"Temari!" Sakura sits up and grins. "How have you been?"

"Great! I heard the news." She smiles mischievously, plopping onto the bed. "Uchiha Sasuke's back?"

"That seems to be the talk of the town everywhere I go."

"Ah, so that's why you're here." Temari nods, as though understanding. "To avoid him for as long as possible. Boys are a whole bunch of trouble, aren't they?"

Sakura smiles wryly. "I guess that's one way to put it."

Grinning, Temari hops to her feet. "C'mon. I'll treat you to dinner."

—

A few hours later, they're still at the restaurant.

"You should just live here," Temari says, waving her hand. She's on her second bottle of sake. "Honestly. What good is Konoha for you? All of the herbs are here, and we have a whole group of people who would kill to train under you."

Sakura laughs. Temari takes every chance she can to persuade Sakura to live in Suna. "You already know I'll say no, why do you keep asking?"

"Gaara likes you! There aren't many people that Gaara actually likes. You'd be good for him and the village."

"I'm just as good for Konoha!" Temari refills Sakura's cup. "Hey, why don't you come to Konoha instead? Shikamaru's there and all."

The Suna shinobi hiccups. "So?"

"Well, I thought—everything thought, actually, that you were interested in him."

"Key word: was." Temari sighs. "I think we might've had a chance in the past, but not anymore. So I try not to think about it. Too depressing."

"Why not now?"

Temari looks at her pointedly. "Don't pretend like you don't know anything. Would Shikamaru even be able to hold a steady relationship right now?" Sakura falls silent at that. "Yeah. And anyway, even if we did somehow manage to make it work, Yamanaka would never let me go." She sighs heavily, and downs another cup of alcohol. Sometimes, Sakura worries for her liver. "That's why we should just concentrate on work. It hurts less that way."

"We?" Sakura mutters. "Who's 'we'?"

"You and me."

"Sorry, but I don't have boy problems like you do."

Even though Temari is slightly inhibited by alcohol, Sakura is still intimidated under her speculation. "Really? Because I thought you would've been now. With the Uchiha."

"That's what everyone else seems to be thinking too," Sakura says, resigned.

"Well"—Temari leans back in her seat, stretching—"whatever happens, for better or for worse, I'm sure you can handle it. You _are_ Haruno Sakura, after all."

Hearing someone say that after having countless people worry over her and ask if she's alright makes Sakura's heart swell. At least Temari doesn't think she's useless. She'll be able to handle Sasuke. No matter what he throws at her—whatever crazy favors he asks or however his and Naruto's new friendship progresses, she'll be able to handle it.

She won't break again.

—

A young man steps through the gates of Konoha, breathing in the familiar scents of street food and saying hello to each familiar face. It's been well over a month since he's last been in the village, and he wonders if he's been missed.

Normally, he would go straight home to rest, because his body is worn and exhausted from his long mission. Instead, though, he takes a detour to the training grounds.

The first person he sees upon arrival is obviously the one with a head full of blonde hair. (Well, it's hard to miss when there are about ten of him standing in a row, clearly in the middle of a spar.) The young man watches as each shadow clone is destroyed and puffs out of existence before stepping in. "Oi, Dickless."

Naruto spins around, already on alert. "Sai!"

Sai smiles. "You're ugly as usual."

"Are you _trying_ to pick a fight with me?"

"Sai?" Sakura leaps out of a tree. "Oh my God, it's really you! I thought Naruto was trying to trick me out of my hiding spot!"

"That would actually work?"

Sakura throws her arms around Sai in a hug, and Sai has to remind himself that it's customary to hug someone back. (He tends to forget social pleasantries after several weeks of solitude. Being around people is sometimes still a struggle for him.)

"Where have you _been_?" Sakura gushes. "The last time we saw you, you just said you had some top secret Root mission and disappeared the next day!"

"That's because I had a top secret Root mission the next day."

"That took over a month?"

"I had to be careful," Sai explains to her. "It didn't take long to complete it, but I had to make sure my trail was covered. Also," he sticks his hand in his pocket and fishes around, "I got something for you." He pulls out a small bell charm that jingles as he hands it over to Sakura. "I remember that women are happy upon receiving gifts from men."

As Sai had hoped, Sakura's cheeks flush a little and she's unable to meet his eyes. "Thanks, Sai," she says, sounding meek. "I wasn't expecting that."

"I thought you were on your annual mission to the Wind Country."

"I got back late last night." She smiles—so bright, and maybe the prettiest girl Sai has ever seen. Not that he will admit that. He's discovered that it's best not to say what you truly think or feel. That's what everyone else does. "Why?"

He shakes his head. "It just crossed my mind, is all."

"Oh, Sai!" Naruto perks up and punches Sai's arm for his attention. He put more strength into it than necessary, Sai thinks. "Guess what?"

"What, Dickless?"

Naruto glares at him, but it doesn't last long. It surprises Sai. "Teme's back."

"'Teme' being…" Sai deliberately pauses in thought. "Uchiha Sasuke." Yes, that would be the logical solution, wouldn't it? The last Uchiha has finally come home.

"Yeah!" Both Naruto and Sakura look at Sai with bright, excited eyes, as though waiting for Sai to celebrate with them. Sai doesn't feel any joy, though—he's never known Sasuke as more than the whispers of a story; sometimes as the whimsical wishes of a fairytale, and sometimes the moving shadow in a child's darkest nightmare.

"That's wonderful news," he finally says with a plastic smile on his lips. "I'm glad you're happy."

—

That night, when the streets are quiet and Sakura finally finishes her night shift at the hospital and heads home, she bumps into Sasuke. It's the first time she's seen him since she left for the Wind Country.

"Sasuke-kun! What are you doing at this hour?"

"Waiting for you," he answers straightforwardly. "I asked the woman at reception and she said you'd be working until this hour."

Unsure of how to respond, Sakura only nods. "Okay." She doesn't know how to face him after that argument they had—if her yelling at him can be considered an argument. She isn't upset at Sasuke anymore, but she did set lines that night, and for some reason, Sasuke waiting for her to finish work late at night suspiciously feels like crossing one of those lines.

"Are you going home now?" Sasuke follows as Sakura walks past him at a brisk pace, wanting to get away from him as quick as possible. She doesn't know what'll happen if she's around him for more than she has to be.

"Yes."

"I would like to talk to you."

"Can't it wait until morning?"

"It can't." Sasuke grabs her wrist and pulls, yanking hard enough to hurt. She winces. "It has to be now."

"Well, what is it?" she pulls her arm out of his grip, rubbing her wrist to make a point that he hurt her. His eyes flit over the motion momentarily, but he ignores it otherwise. She resists the urge to scowl.

"I know that I'm years too late," he begins. Sakura is taken aback because this is a topic she didn't think he'd bring up. "I remember how I used to treat you, and there might even be worse things that I've done that I don't remember doing." Sasuke pauses, as though thinking of what to say next. Sakura can hardly breathe. "I don't know how to word this in a way that would let you give me another chance, but…I would like to be with you, Sakura. You give me strength, and I need that more than anything. Especially if I want to kill Itachi."

Sakura definitely knows that Sasuke is not a romantic, or else he would have phrased that last sentence much better. She stares at him, stuck between watery eyes and a fiery glare, not entirely sure what he's saying.

Well, she's sure. But she doesn't know his emotional stand behind it, and that's the most important part to her. If Sasuke would want to try a proper relationship with her, she would most likely—okay, most definitely—say yes, but she is now far too jaded to even hope for that from him. She's been so confused about what Sasuke thinks ever since he returned, with how he's treated her, the things he's said—he's like a completely different Sasuke from the one she used to know.

"I give you…strength," she repeats, searching his eyes for any hint of something more. (Of course, she finds nothing.)

"Yes."

"I don't understand what you want from me, Sasuke-kun."

"I want from you what you've always wanted to give me." He stands there like a businessman conducting a transaction, all contracts and signatures and insurance. She wishes he'd be more than that—she's always dreamed of blurred lines and broken rules and pinky promises instead.

(_You are every fairytale that would never come true._)

Sakura takes a step away from him, just for safety measures. "But you could never give me what I want you to give me."

"What do you want? Tell me. I'll do it."

"That's not the point, you know?" She smiles sadly. "You have to _want_ to do it."

Sasuke's eyes skim over her, taking her apart and analyzing her like the calculating warrior he is. In one step, he closes the space separating them and takes Sakura's face in his hands. Sakura's eyes widen.

"You mean things like this?"

And he kisses her.

It only lasts a heartbeat before she yanks away, cheeks beet red and heart racing so hard it might break her ribcage.

(_I will not break. I will not break._)

Concerning Sasuke, there has always been a push and pull between what she wants and what she knows she should do. In the past, she has always given in to her heart's desire in a desperate hope that he will change, but now—she doesn't know if she can afford it anymore. Even though he kissed her, even though he came to her like this—she can't take this risk. If she falls, she's afraid she'll never be able to get up again.

"No, Sasuke-kun. That's not what I mean."

And she walks away. Even though it kills her to do so. She turns around and puts one foot in front of the other, again and again and again, and walks away.

_I will not break._

* * *

Thanks so much for your feedback last chapter! You may have noticed that I took some of the advice given to me, so if at any time, you think my writing or presentation of this story could improve, I would love for you to let me know! It's been a long time since I've tried to write like this.


	6. 6

**don't touch my hand and call it love  
**_you said it was over, and then cried and cried; you were gone before i said goodbye._

6.

* * *

To Sakura, there are few things more enjoyable than ice cream on hot summer afternoons; few things that are more satisfying than falling into bed after hours of training; few things brighter than Naruto's smile.

And very, very few things softer and warmer than Sasuke's lips.

Sakura has wondered countless times what it would be like to kiss Sasuke—under what circumstances, where, when, who initiated it, and how it would feel—but never once did she actually think that it would happen. Kissing Sasuke is something she's always known to be a fantasy that would never come true, and she's never thought otherwise.

Until now.

Ino stares at Sakura, long and hard, after Sakura tells her what happened. Then she says, "I let Chouji kiss me once, when we were genin. He offered to pay me."

Sakura wrinkles her nose. "You disgust me."

"I kissed Shikamaru too! A few years back, I think?"

"Is there a point to you telling me this?"

"Not really," her best friend replies absently. "It's just that you kissing Sasuke just reminds me of every bad kissing decision I made."

"Did you even _listen_ to me?" Sakura exclaims, exasperated. "_He_ kissed _me_."

"It's the same thing, isn't it? You let him."

"I thought you'd be more…I don't know, excited about it." As the years progressed, Ino's reactions have become more and more unpredictable. She's growing up too, in her own way. Sometimes, Sakura still can't believe it.

Ino shrugs. "I don't think there would've been anyone else, to be honest. After you and Kiba broke up, I figured that Sasuke would be the only one you'd care about kissing you, no matter how impossible it was. But I guess it's not that impossible anymore, right?"

"But…what do I do?"

"What do you mean? What do you _want_ to do?"

Sakura is taken aback by the question. "I don't know…I want to be with him, but I don't think it would be any good for me. Sasuke-kun's just…not the Sasuke-kun I used to know. Who he is right now is a complete stranger to me."

"Isn't that good, in a way? You guys get to start over." Ino smiles, in a way that Sakura rarely sees. Soft and knowing—always there, watching out for her. "There hasn't really been anyone since Sasuke, right? You're never going to love anyone else."

Compared to what everyone else has been saying to Sakura, Ino's words bring her hope. Sakura doesn't want to be with Sasuke in fear that he's going to bring her down again, but at the same time—this memory loss may be her second chance that she should've never got. She might be able to make things right.

(_She might finally be happy._)

Ino pats her on the back. "And hey, it's not like you're still twelve, right? Just because you like Sasuke, doesn't mean that you're going to be the same person you were back then. You're a better, stronger Sakura. Just remember that."

Sakura nods, feeling more confident than she has ever since Sasuke stepped through the gates of this village again. "Yeah."

"But just be careful, alright? We don't know if Sasuke's ever going to remember the truth, or what's going to happen…so whatever you decide to do, just know the consequences."

Sakura has several friends that she's met throughout the years, but there really is only one friend like Ino.

—

The door opens, and there stands Sasuke.

The Uchiha appears surprised that Sakura is the one knocking on his door. She hasn't visited for the past few weeks, amidst all of the commotion that's been going on. Sakura is surprised herself—she didn't think that she'd be able to face Sasuke so soon after he kissed her—and if anything, she wouldn't be encouraging him. When Sasuke first returned, all she had wanted was to be friends with him—friends that they never got to be the first time around.

She puts on her brightest smile, and says, "If you really want to, I'll teach you medical jutsu. But you have to be serious about it! I'm not going to teach you if you're just looking for something to pass the time. And I'll also have you know, this is not an affirmative for your second request of me."

Sasuke just stares at her for a few moments, and then—maybe it's her imagination—his eyes soften a little. He opens the door wider, and says, "Have you had lunch yet?"

Sakura watches him make a simple lunch in the kitchen, and she offers to make the onigiri. She's been in Sasuke's home before, but she's never really gotten a chance to look around. When the food is almost ready, she asks him if she can use the bathroom, and he redirects her to the room at the end of the hall. When she opens the door to said room, she realizes it's Sasuke's own room.

The bed is made and the desk is bare, and by the window, there is a large pot filled with dirt and sticks. It must've previously been a plant, before Sasuke left the village. The sunlight filters through the thin curtains, giving the room an ethereal feeling. For just a moment, Sakura stands there, closes her eyes, and breathes it in.

The room Sasuke sleeps in. The room that he is the most vulnerable in.

The desk only has one thing on it: a picture frame, placed face down. Stepping towards it, Sakura frowns as she reaches for the frame and picks it up.

Her eyes widen. It's a picture of Team 7.

Well, the only picture of Team 7, actually. All other pictures of them have been incomplete because Sasuke wasn't present. She's surprised Sasuke even bothered to frame the picture and put it somewhere—it's certainly not something that Sakura ever considered. She stares at the picture for a minute, remembering her long hair, the tough training sessions, the feeling of Kakashi's hand on her head after a hard day's work. Back when she thought nothing could possibly go wrong.

She places the frame back on the desk, upright this time, and rushes to the bathroom. When she returns to the kitchen, she says nothing.

"What you said earlier," Sasuke mentions once the meal is prepared and they're sitting at the table, "about not accepting my second request. May I ask why?"

"Why?" Blushing, Sakura takes an onigiri and takes a large bite out of it. "Because I don't want to. Should there be another reason for that?"

"That's a lie," Sasuke deadpans, drinking his tea. "Your body language tells me otherwise." Sakura all but glares at him.

"Please don't assume that I haven't changed since the last time you saw me, Sasuke-kun. That's really rude of you."

"I don't assume that. Of course I know you've changed." It sounds like he's discussing a business negotiation. "You've accomplished enough in the past few years to make it into history books. But that doesn't mean that your feelings for me have changed." She hates how he can see right through her. "Right?"

She frowns. "How I decide to act on my feelings has nothing to do with you. I agreed to teach you medical jutsu—isn't that what you want the most? What more do you need?"

Sasuke decides not to answer, which makes Sakura wonder even more about what he would have said. Here he is—the love of her life, and she's turning him away. She sighs to herself. Everything was so much simpler when she was twelve.

"Lessons will start once I get back from my mission," she says, moving on with business and putting her feelings away for another time.

"You're going on a mission?"

"Yes, tomorrow. I don't think it will take too long though, so don't worry."

The corner of Sasuke's lips lilt upwards. "That's alright. I don't worry about you."

—

"Naruto, to your left!" Naruto is barely able to dodge the attack when he's already faced with two opponents. Sakura doesn't have time to sigh in relief when she has a foe or two of her own—especially when they specialize in ninjutsu and she hasn't gotten a chance to get close to them yet.

Gritting her teeth, she concentrates her chakra into her foot, and stomps her heel into the ground. The fissure creates a small earthquake, and she takes the chance to jump into a tree and hit a pressure point on one of her enemy's necks. He collapses and falls headfirst to the ground, the crack of his neck making a sickening crunch at the impact. Sakura forces herself not to cringe.

She hears the halfhearted shout of a man who knows he's going to die, and she whips around just in time to see another enemy fall. Sai stands by the body, his brush and scroll in hand.

"You could've been the dead one, not him," he tells her, his smiling sinisterly. "Be more careful, Sakura."

She swallows. "Right. Thanks for that."

Opponents, no matter how skilled, never stand a chance when Sakura, Naruto, and Sai are together. Over the years, they've been able to learn each other's strengths, weaknesses, and battle habits, and they make up for where the others lack. At this point, they are so in tune with each other that they're teamed together whenever possible. They're not the only team with good chemistry—it's a common occurrence that teams that start out as genin together will have good dynamic as adults in the future, but Sakura, Naruto, and Sai are unique because they have unique backgrounds and a unique story. And they didn't quite all start out together.

Everyone knows who they are. No one dares try to break them up.

The three of them stand together in the middle of a forest clearing, the surrounding area thoroughly damaged thanks to their battle. Sai has a rather nasty gash on his side, and Sakura takes a few minutes to heal it, and they look good as new, if not a little roughed up.

Sakura has to admit, she loves these two a little too much. They make her feel invincible.

They continue on their way through the trees, alert for any other ambush attacks. Their mission is to retrieve a scroll that's been stolen from the daimyo last month.

"So Sai, what do you think about Sasuke?" Naruto asks to pass the time. Sometimes, Sakura doesn't think he takes their missions seriously enough.

"I haven't had the chance to actually talk to him," Sai says thoughtfully. "I do think he's very impressive on the battlefield, though."

Sakura perks up. "You've fought him before?"

"Once. He nearly did me in, I have to admit."

Sai and Sasuke fighting is something Sakura would like to see. They're both such skilled shinobi—Sai in Root, and Sasuke most likely on the level of ANBU—watching them might actually teach her a thing or two. Over the years, Sai has taught Sakura a few things on the battlefield too. Through the awkwardness and his social inability, he's a precious friend to her, and she'd like to think that he feels the same, too.

There is a faint ripple of a chakra signature around them, and the three of the immediately stop their chatter and freeze.

Well, here comes another one.

—

In the late hours of the night, Sasuke lies in bed, eyes open and glassy. After all this time, he still can't get used to a regular sleeping schedule and not having to worry about ambushes in the middle of the night. In fact, he finds it difficult to adjust to anything in this tiny village. It's the same thing every day: people wake up, work, go home, sleep.

It's a miracle that they even have the strength to continue living when they don't have anything to live for.

Sasuke's mind swims as he remembers what happened just that morning. He visited the Hokage's office to ask about any new news on Itachi, but with a frown on her lips, she merely told him that she hasn't heard anything, and that Akatsuki has been very quiet as of late.

After Sakura has teaches him enough about medical jutsu, he will leave again and look for Itachi himself, he decides. Konoha is hardly making an effort, and yet they still forbid him from leaving the village. What is it that they want? This place has never been anything more than a hindrance to him, placing restriction after restriction on him. Sasuke hates being here.

Rolling over, he stares out his open window. The gentle breeze blowing in makes his curtains dance in the moonlight.

It would be nice if Sakura was here. She would know what to say. Sakura always knows what to say.

—

They return in the morning, a little tired, but successful. Sai takes their acquired scroll from Sakura to bring to the Hokage, as he's the one who always writes their mission reports. He says it's easy work, after everything he's done in Root. Sakura's just glad she's not the one with the burden.

"Do you two have any plans for today?" Sai asks them as he tucks the scroll into his bag.

"Sleep," Naruto declares resolutely, a large yawn following soon after.

"I have to see Sasuke-kun," Sakura says. "I made an appointment with him."

"You're being quite casual with the Uchiha," Sai remarks, his expression unreadable. Sakura fidgets under his steady gaze. "How do you know that his memory loss isn't lie for something that he has planned for the village?"

She forces a smile. "Well, if it was, you wouldn't be here, would you? Root always has information about things that no one else does—if Sasuke-kun really was suspicious, you'd be off on a secret mission, watching and investigating _him_, and not retrieving some scroll for a rich man who lives on the countryside." Her smile becomes as sweet and intimidating as Sai's. "Right?"

The frown only remains etched in Sai's features for a moment more, before his lips curl into a smile that matches Sakura's. "Right. I'm just worried for you."

"You don't have to be." Sakura loves Sai, and he's become an important person to her after all this time. She would risk her life for him the way she'd risk her life for Naruto, but that doesn't mean that she wouldn't do the same for Sasuke. Sai doesn't know Sasuke. Sai may have taken Sasuke's spot in their team, and eventually created an identity for himself, but in no way does that mean that Sasuke's unneeded now. Sasuke will always be needed.

And Sakura won't tolerate anyone speaking badly of him.

Sai excuses himself with that smile on his face, and Naruto tells Sakura to slip in a few words about him to Sasuke, to see if they'll trigger his memory. With another yawn, the blonde waves goodbye and wanders off in the direction of his apartment. Sighing, Sakura heads home as well for a quick shower before meeting up with Sasuke. She's tired, but not too tired to see him.

When she reaches Sasuke's home and he opens the door, the smell of breakfast wafts out towards her. Unbeknownst to her, her stomach growls.

He lets her in without so much as a greeting. "Did you return last night?"

"Just a little while ago, actually. Good morning."

"Did you have breakfast?"

Sakura begins to feel the burn of hunger in her stomach. She's been on rations and soldier pills for the past two weeks. "No, actually. Do you have enough for two?"

"Yeah. Just sit and wait—I'll prepare the food."

Usually, Sakura would at least protest and insist on helping, but after her mission, she doesn't even bother trying. She sits at the kitchen table with her chin in her hand, watching Sasuke gather another set of tableware and doubling the portions of his breakfast. For some reason, she didn't take him to be one to make hearty meals to start the day—there's a pot of miso soup brewing and the rice cooker is on, on top of Sasuke making something at the stove.

Well, that's one way to success, she supposes. Breakfast has always been the most important meal of the day.

Not long later, the food is set in front of Sakura: miso soup, rice, salmon, and some fried eggs on the side. Sakura does her best not to salivate as she picks up her chopsticks and mumbles a feeble _itadakimasu_ before digging in. Cooking is still one of the most domestic and surprising things she's seen Sasuke do, but she's currently too famished to even bask in the wonder of how this meal came into existence.

"Are you here to train me?" Sasuke asks, eating his rice. His fingers are almost as slender as his chopsticks.

"Why else would I be here?"

"You could have waited until tomorrow, at least. You need to rest."

"I don't need to rest for such basic training," Sakura replies easily, shoveling the rice into her mouth. "And anyway, it's not like I'll be the one doing the work."

It would be nice, she thinks, if she could spend every day like this. Have breakfast with Sasuke, spend the day with Sasuke, talk to Sasuke without any weight or expectations on her shoulders. If Sasuke's life weren't so tragic, this might have actually been their life. No tears. No heartbreaks. No unnecessary goodbyes.

After breakfast, Sakura brings Sasuke to the training grounds and sits down underneath a tree. Unsure of what she's doing, Sasuke sits down as well, crossing his legs. Sakura then pulls grass out of the ground by the roots, one blade at a time.

"Medical jutsu is all about chakra precision. Of course, the more chakra you have, the better, but there's no point if you're unable to control it. To be able to walk on water or on vertical surfaces is basic chakra control that all shinobi should have, but for medics, it has to be much more accurate than that, because you're working on a cellular level. You're literally giving life to dead or dying cells—too little and it won't work, too much and their physical form will be destroyed beyond repair. Which is why," she hands Sasuke a blade of grass, "you're going to begin with trying to concentrate your chakra at the tip of your finger. There are many times on the battlefield when a medic doesn't have the necessary instruments, and has to create a scalpel out of chakra alone. Sharp and precise. Here's your grass—let me know when you can slice up five blades in a row."

Sasuke eyes the grass with uncertainty, before his features are set into that of deep concentration. Sakura is almost pleased with herself because he looks so clueless, and she settles back against the trunk of the tree and lets her eyes close for what could potentially be a very long nap.

"Why are you doing this for me when you won't date me?" Sasuke speaks easily, his voice curling around Sakura's heart and warming her to the bone.

"Those are two different things," she mumbles, already drifting off. "I'm doing this because I'm a good person."

And she falls asleep, feeling for once that yes, she really is better than Sasuke.


	7. 7

**don't touch my hand and call it love**  
_you said it was over, and then cried and cried; you were gone before i said goodbye._

7.

* * *

"I'm not sure how to explain it." Tsunade's features are set into a deep frown. "It's like…there is a wall in your mind, purposely keeping your memories from returning." Her fingers leave Sasuke's temple and Sasuke sits up, looking just as confused as the Hokage.

Tsunade came to Sasuke's checkup because she herself hasn't had an actual look into his brain the way Sakura has.

"Really? I didn't notice it at all every time I checked." Sakura is surprised, and maybe a even a little disappointed at herself. She thought that at this level, while she would obviously not be on par with Tsunade, she would be able to notice the traces of a jutsu.

The Hokage shakes her head. "There's no way you could've, Sakura. It's far too faint and well crafted for you to have detected it. Even I had to double check."

"Which means that that my memory loss isn't an accident," Sasuke concludes. The way he's frowning reminds Sakura of the old Sasuke, always focused on killing his brother and nothing else. It's both comfortingly familiar and frightening. "Someone did it on purpose."

"But who would…? For what purpose?"

"Whoever it is, they're fearsome." Tsunade crosses her arms. "For a jutsu to be as intricate as that…"

Sasuke slips off the examination table. "Hokage-sama, I request permission to leave the village and search for my own answers. I do not wish to trouble the village any further."

"I'm sorry, Sasuke, but I'm going to have to decline. On top of it being too dangerous for you to go alone with only who knows how much of your memory still intact, but you're also the last of the Uchiha clan. Whether any of us like it or not, your blood is important to the village—I can't let you wander off again just because you want to."

Sasuke looks straight at Tsunade, his eyes more menacing than Sakura has seen in years. "I am not the last of the Uchiha clan."

Tsunade seems to have caught her mistake a moment too late, but manages to cover herself up smoothly. "And do you think we'd be able to bring Itachi back? Even if we could, we wouldn't want him. We consider you to be the last viable Uchiha." Sakura breathes a quiet sigh of relief.

"Viable. Of course." Clearly irritated, he slips past the Hokage. "Well, if you have nothing else to say to me, I'll excuse myself." When the door of the examination room closes behind him, both Tsunade and Sakura's postures slump, as though they're just relieved of a very large stress from their shoulders.

"You have to be careful of what you say to him, Shishou!"

"It just came out." Tsunade looks like she just aged five years. Who knows what would happen if Sasuke realized that Itachi is already dead, and no one informed him. "In any case, I'll dispatch an investigation team for this matter. Are you interested?"

Sakura almost says yes, but at the last moment, shakes her head. "Whatever it is, I'll find out not long after you do. I don't want to be more involved in Sasuke's matters more than I have to." She's curious about who could have possibly done this to Sasuke, and for what reasons, but she doesn't want to dedicate so much of her concentration on him anymore. She's already wasted enough time on Sasuke—it's time for her to care more about herself. "And anyway, there are other ways that I can support him."

Tsunade places her hands on her hips, with an understanding smile. "Alright. I'll gather the best team I can—the best I can have without you, of course."

Sakura smiles. "Thanks, Shishou."

She'd rather be fighting her own battles.

—

"Still practicing? Have you got it down yet?" She finds Sasuke sitting by the riverside, concentrating very hard with a blade of grass in his hand. She can see the faint outline of chakra extending from his pointer finger, but it's sloppy—there's no way it can cut through anything like that. "That's worse than it was yesterday, Sasuke-kun."

"I know. I'm just…" A few moments, and Sasuke slams the grass to the ground, clearly frustrated. "I can't concentrate right now."

Sakura sits down beside Sakura, the grass tickling her skin. "Who do you think would've wanted to do this to you?"

"If I had an idea," Sasuke says dryly, "wouldn't they have just wiped it from my memory?"

"Oh." Sakura falls silent, feeling stupid. That didn't occur to her. "I'm sorry. Shishou told me that she'll put together a team to investigate though, so don't worry about it too much!"

"Are they going to put as much effort into this as they have into locating my brother?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

Sasuke sounds cold—much colder than he's been in the past weeks. It makes Sakura feel small and not good enough. "I mean that considering how long I've been back in Konoha, there should have been some news about his whereabouts, or even Akatsuki's movements. But it's been so quiet. It makes no sense."

"Oh. Well…if Itachi doesn't want to be found, he won't. You know that."

He rips some grass out of the ground and tosses it to the side, and repeats the process. "I feel like something's missing. There's a gap of missing information that doesn't have to do with my memory loss or the cause of it…something more obvious, but I keep on walking right past it." Sakura's gaze falls to the ground, worried that if Sasuke looked at her, he'd see the obvious lie right in front of him. _Itachi's already dead. We didn't tell you because we were afraid you'd leave again, since you wouldn't have a reason to stay._ She thinks that Sasuke should know when the time comes, though, because leaving him in the dark like this is unfair—especially when it concerns something that he's been working towards his entire life.

But she doesn't want to—not quite yet. Not when things are almost normal between them—a life where Sasuke pays attention to her, talks to her…cares about her…

"What would you do?" Sasuke holds out his palm full of grass, and the wind blows it away. "If you were in my situation."

"I…I don't know, Sasuke-kun. I wouldn't have sought revenge in the first place."

"Why not?"

"I mean, isn't it painful? To dedicate your entire life towards something that makes you so angry and sad…especially when there are people here who care about you—me, Naruto, and so many others if you would just let them…I don't think I would have been able to leave all of that behind for so much uncertainty, you know?"

Sasuke is silent for several long moments, and Sakura blushes, wondering if he's mentally ridiculing what she said. "You're strong," he finally says. "To decide to stay."

"I don't think so." She smiles softly. "I think you're strong for being able to go."

His eyes are downcast. "Thank you." It sounds sincere—maybe just as sincere as that night, so many years ago. It doesn't come as much of a surprise anymore when Sasuke says kind words like that; he really has changed. And for the better, Sakura thinks.

"Maybe I'll return after I kill Itachi," he says. "It never occurred to me that I could truly be happy, but I could always try. I always thought building a future here was so uncertain, but if Itachi's dead, then there would be no reason for me to hate this place. And maybe…I could be with you."

"And Naruto too, right?"

"Yeah, I suppose he can be a part of it too."

(_You're such an important person to me. How do I make you see that? That you don't have to try this hard?_)

It hurts, Sakura thinks. It hurts to love Sasuke.

—

Naruto is summoned to the Hokage's office in the evening. Winter is creeping in and the chill is beginning to set into his bones as he heads to the heart of the village, and he frowns grumpily, pulling his jumpsuit tighter around himself.

"What do you want on a night like this," he complains once he barges into the room. Tsunade is sitting at her desk, and also present are Shikamaru, Neji, and Kakashi. "Hey, guys. What's up?"

"You're late," Neji says with irritation.

"You were just early," Naruto shoots back.

Tsunade holds out Naruto's copy of the scroll, and he takes it. It's unmarked—an unranked mission. Naruto immediately straightens his back and stops with his attitude, and pulls it open for a quick scan.

"Earlier today, I discovered that Uchiha Sasuke's memory loss was intentional. We have absolutely no information or leads on who could have done this, which is why I've gathered you four here today. This mission is top secret—you are to talk about it to no one outside of this room. Report directly to me only." Tsunade crosses her arms. "Furthermore, because I realize it will be difficult to make any progress with no leads, this will be an ongoing mission. You will accept other missions while tending to this one, and always be alert for any potential information relating to Sasuke's memory loss. Is that understood?"

The four shinobi salute to their Hokage.

"But Baa-chan," Naruto says, "why isn't Sakura-chan here?"

"She opted out of this mission. She said she'd rather not be a part of it."

"Oh." He falls silent for a moment, and then points accusingly towards Neji and Shikamaru. "Then why are they here? They don't even care about Sasuke!"

"Because they're skilled!" Tsunade glares at him, not unlike the way Sakura glares at him when he's done something to piss her off. Naruto shakes a little in his shoes. "Neji is excellent on the battlefield, Shikamaru's mind one of the sharpest in the village, and Kakashi has got a near flawless tracking method. You wouldn't even have been included in this if I knew you wouldn't destroy half the village in anger once you found out."

"…Oh." Naruto's gaze falls down to his shoes. Of course. He may have the Kyuubi locked inside of him, but he's still a mediocre shinobi when compared to Neji, Shikamaru, and Kakashi. They all have their strengths to build on—what does Naruto have? He's not even good enough for Sasuke to remember.

Tsunade sighs. "Don't be discouraged, Naruto. You know Sasuke better than any of them do—you'd be able to catch things that the rest of them miss. Don't be so hard on yourself." A hand lands on his head, and he looks up at Kakashi. His single visible eye is crinkled into a smile.

Right. Just because Naruto is no one to Sasuke right now, it doesn't mean that Sasuke is no one to Naruto. Naruto would never forget Sasuke.

—

The next day, Sakura is working in the greenhouse when Sasuke comes in, calling out her name.

"What?" she asks, not looking up from her work. She has a large pair of goggles over her eyes as she's mashing a few herbs together in a mortar. When crushed together, the herbs are known to emit gases that that combine to create an irritant towards the eyes that is even worse than onions.

"I can cut the grass now. I'm ready for the next step."

"Really? Come here. Show me." She continues to crush the herbs as he makes his way through the different pots and tables of plants. "How long did that take you, a few days? Not bad." She got it in two, but she'll give him the benefit of the doubt. "You see that red plant over there? Just pluck a leaf off and cut it for me." Doing as he's told, Sasuke concentrates his chakra at the tip of his finger and slices the leaf in his palm, accidentally cutting into his own skin as well. Before he starts bleeding all over the place, she snatches the cut leaf and tosses it in with her mixture. "Good job, Sasuke-kun! How difficult did you find that?"

He shrugs. "Everything comes with its obstacles."

"Well, next is to increase the power! You know how I can break a rock just by flicking it? That's by propelling a concentrated amount of chakra out of your body. How much you put into it determines how much damage you do. You can break a rock, like I just said, or you can create an earthquake with just your foot. So, next!" Smiling brightly, she puts down her pestle. She's done with that bit of the antidote. "Go to the training grounds and have a go at knocking down some trees."

"You won't come with me?"

"I can, but you're going to have to wait until I'm finished my work here first. Are you okay with that?"

Sasuke sniffles. "Okay."

Blinking, Sakura peers closer at him, and notices that his eyes are wet. Sasuke's cheeks flush, and he quickly brushes the tears away. She laughs. "You don't have to be that touched that I'm teaching you medical jutsu!"

"It's not that!" he protests. "I don't know what's happening…"

Giggling, Sakura tosses him a pair of goggles. "I'm just kidding. It's the herbs I'm dealing with right now." Sasuke looks at the goggles with much concern, before he finally gives in and puts them on. (He looks ridiculous, but she tries her best not to laugh too hard.) "Do you want to help me?"

"Sure. I guess."

Sakura tells Sasuke about the different herbs and plants that she's mixing together right now for an antidote. She explains in detail where each plant is found, how it's harvested, and what season they grow best in. She tells him the health benefits for each one, tells him how they work together to form this specific antidote. It's not really important and Sasuke most likely doesn't even understand anything she's saying, but she likes talking about it because it makes her feel smart.

There are actually people whose jobs are to stay in the greenhouse all day and make antidotes, ointments, and other cures, but this is one of Sakura's hobbies, so she offers to help out when she can. She just finds it so interesting that so many different life forms, when combined together, can do such amazing things. A different combination of them can save any dying man.

"Heal instead of hurt, Sasuke-kun," she singsongs.

"Hn."

Together in the warm greenhouse, they mix herbs and create antidotes.

—

(Goodness, FFN, it seems like your formatting is less and less user friendly as the years continue.)

A quick update because I happened to be on a streak this past week, and I wrote a few chapters in advance! Ooh, the plot's finally thickening. ;) On another note, I actually reread _Fading Away_ as well. It's interesting how writing styles can change so easily…I have no idea if I can ever write like that again! It's a little sad to think about.


	8. 8

**don't touch my hand and call it love**  
_you said it was over, and then cried and cried; you were gone before i said goodbye._

8.

* * *

It's quiet all around him. Naruto remains alert for any sign of movement around him, but all he can hear is the wind in the leaves. Typical—his opponent wouldn't be foolish enough to be heard.

After so much time, he knows that there's no way he could win in a fight against Sai, but Naruto has to be given credit for trying. He spins around when there's a rustle in a bush behind him, but not quick enough before a snake made of ink jumps out at him, fangs bared.

Its teeth sink into Naruto's neck, and the shadow clone puffs out of existence.

Naruto grins in success as he hides in a tree, but freezes when he feels the cold blade of a kunai against his neck. "Got you," Sai teases, his breath hot against his ear. Naruto swallows.

"Alright, I give up. Tch, you win again."

Sai withdraws with a smile on his lips. "Of course. It would be very damaging towards my reputation in Root if I lost to you."

Naruto scowls and jumps to the ground, landing soundlessly. "By the way, Sai, Sakura-chan told me to ask you if you wanted to have dinner with us and Sasuke tonight at her place. She said that we never really got a chance to really spend time together since you came back, and it's rare that all four of us are in the village at the same time. What do you say?"

After landing on the ground beside Naruto, Sai brushes his clothes off and slips his scrolls back into his bag. "I think I'll sit this one out."

"Eh? Why? We're the only ones you ever have plans with, so it's not like you're busy."

Sometimes, the way Sai smiles puts Naruto on edge. He never knows what going on in Sai's mind or what he could possibly be thinking. He trusts Sai, but sometimes, he feels like he just doesn't know him as much as he'd like to.

"I just don't feel comfortable with Sasuke, is all. I'm not interested in getting to know him."

"Why? Is it because he's ugly?"

"There's that, too. But he isn't _too_ ugly—since he looks a little like me." There it is, that smile again. "I'm telling you this as a friend, Dickless—Sasuke may be someone important to you, but you don't know what he's done and what kind of person he's become since he left the village."

"What are you trying to say?" Naruto frowns. "Do you know something?"

"After so many years of chasing revenge, he will do whatever he can to achieve it. His memory loss is the only thing that's stopping him."

"Dude, what are you talking about? Teme's revenge has already been achieved!" Naruto hates it when Sai talks in riddles like that. He usually isn't too fed up by not understanding what Sai's saying, but this time, it's about Sasuke—and that might be essential to both his mission and his friendship with the Uchiha.

"I'm saying—" Sai's smile has faded, and his eyes are serious. "That he would have no reason not to return to Konoha after he killed Itachi, but he didn't. He still had something to do regarding his revenge."

Naruto's eyes widen. "What was it?"

After a moment of silence, Sai shakes his head. "I don't know. But don't try to find out—I have a feeling it's not something you should know."

Naruto inspects him with narrowed eyes. The wind blows around them, making the leaves rustle. He hears the chirping of birds. "If you knew anything, Sai, you'd tell us, wouldn't you?"

Sai smiles. "Of course."

There it is. That smile again.

—

Sasuke grows more and more restless by the day.

In Konoha, there is a grand total of one productive thing he can do: train. But even then, he's limited when he's bound to the training grounds that are not permitted to be destroyed, in the familiar terrain that he can navigate easily. It frustrates him—that he cannot even think of doing anything else until he has Itachi's blood on his hands, until he hears the last shuddering breath leave his brother.

He can see why Sakura and so many others love this village. There are friends and family here, and it's a place where they can always return to. But Sasuke only has one goal in mind, and he doesn't need a home for that.

(_Sometimes he wonders, though—if he really could stay here after Itachi is gone._)

He thinks of his days and moments spent with Sakura; just listening to her talk and do the things she does. Just watching her live and exist. He doesn't remember doing that when he was younger, and he isn't sure why. She's…an enigma. He can't, for the life of him, figure out what's going on in her mind. She laughs, she cries, she gets angry…and for what? Over what? Sasuke has never found such things in life that could elicit such emotions from him.

Maybe he was blind when he was younger. Maybe he was too focused on chasing after Itachi that he didn't take the time to notice all of the things around him. If what Naruto says is true, then Sasuke really has never treated Sakura the way he should have. And that's unfair.

He frowns. This is a new feeling. It makes him uneasy.

Sasuke gives up on cloud-gazing by the river (he really has no idea what kind of entertainment Nara derives from it) and decides to visit the Hokage to see if there are any updates on Itachi. He doubts it, but he will not be the one who falls behind and becomes lazy over such matters. It feels much more to his norm than thinking about Sakura and a happy life, after all.

The weather is nice today, but it will be getting cold very quickly. The leaves are already beginning to turn golden, and the grass is becoming dryer and dryer by the day. Winter is coming.

When he reaches the Hokage's office, Sasuke holds up his fist to knock against the door, but stops. He hears Tsunade yelling inside, along with the voice of another female. The Hokage's personal assistant?

"Stop it, Shizune! Since why do you defy my orders?"

"Hokage-sama, I just…I just don't believe that Uchiha Sasuke is someone you should let wandering around so freely! He's a ticking time bomb—what happens if he regains his memory? Who knows what he'll do once he finds out what we've been keeping from him?"

Sasuke narrows his eyes, and presses his ear to the door. It doesn't come as a surprise that they'd been hiding things from him; it was natural that he couldn't be trusted. He isn't necessarily angry, but…

"I already told you! The jutsu in his mind is perfect—there's no way he could remember what he's forgotten without the counter jutsu! The matter of utmost importance is finding out who did this to Sasuke in the first place. Do you have any information on that, or are you just here to question my judgement? Shikamaru, what do you have to say about this?"

At this point, Sasuke hears Nara's voice as well. "I've deduced that it's not any of our typical enemies right now. Sasuke has only been a nuisance towards Akatsuki, so there's no reason for them to wipe certain parts of his memory if they could just kill him—and as far as I know, none of the members, alive or dead, were able to perform such jutsus. Not to mention that they're dangerously low in numbers right now…"

"That's what I thought too," Tsunade says. "Since Sasuke already killed Itachi, there's no reason in making him believe that he hasn't yet."

Sasuke's entire body freezes.

"We've also eliminated the possibility of the Lightning Country or any other countries with political tension with the Fire Country to have anything to do with this, since Sasuke has been declared a missing-nin and with severed ties with Konoha for several years." Nara continues to talk, but all of it begins to fade away as the beating of Sasuke's heart gets louder and louder.

_Since Sasuke already killed Itachi…Since Sasuke already killed Itachi…_

He…already killed Itachi?

He stumbles backwards from the door until his back hits the opposite wall. He's shaking. His eyes are wide.

Already killed Itachi…?

—

"Sakura!"

Sakura stops in the middle of the street and turns around, feeling a little intimidated by the small crowd of people running towards her. Ino, Hinata, and Tenten are people she frequently spends time with, since they're the only kunoichi around her age that she's close with. They all have bright smiles on their faces as they reach her. "Are you busy today? Let's go shopping!"

She's only a few blocks away from home—she spent all night at the hospital with a group of sick children, and she's actually exhausted, but she hasn't spent much time with her girl friends for several weeks, what with all the chaos that's been happening around Sasuke. She smiles at her friends, tries to shake the sleepiness out of her eyes, and agrees.

They spend the next hour or so walking around the shopping district. Sakura hasn't been here in weeks, so everything is new to her—she spends her time looking thoroughly through all of the shops. For a little while, there is no mention of Sasuke, memory loss, or mysterious jutsu—it's peaceful like everything used to be before hee returned. Sakura almost misses it.

They're in a jewelry shop when Sakura catches eye of a necklace—a thin, silver bar hanging from a chain. She's actually seen it before—it's been on display for a long time now, most likely because no one wanted to buy it. She had considered getting it before, but decided against it because jewelry isn't her thing, and even if it is, she'll probably find one way or another to break it on a mission.

_I think I'll get this for Sasuke,_ is her passing thought as she picks it up and brings it to the cash register. The cashier (who also happens to be the manager) is so surprised that he sells it to her for a discount. "I didn't expect this to ever leave the store's four walls!" he exclaims. Smiling, Sakura tells him she'll gladly take it off his hands.

The manager puts the necklace in a nice little box with a decorative ribbon wrapped around it and hands it to Sakura. Maybe she'll save this as a Christmas gift for Sasuke—she isn't sure if she'll have the time to find him another gift when the time comes—and even if she does, she doesn't know if she'll even find something that he would like. Of course, not that he's guaranteed to like this necklace, but…for some odd reason, Sakura thinks it'll suit him.

When the four girls are outside again, she catches Naruto in the distance running at full speed towards them. "Sakura-chan!" he shouts, loud enough to gather the attention of everyone around them.

"Naruto! What's wrong?" Naruto comes to a halt in front of her, his hands on his knees as he catches his breath. His forehead is shining with sweat—a sign that he's been running all over the village searching for her. Her heart begins to pound against her ribcage. "What happened?"

"It's Sasuke…"

Eyes widening, she slips the boxed necklace into her pocket. "What about Sasuke-kun? What happened?"

"I don't know! But he's ripping apart every training ground—if it gets too out of hand, he might even take Konoha down too! I tried to stop him, but he nearly killed me…"

Sakura doesn't even realize that she's not breathing. What's gotten into Sasuke that could have him decimating the training grounds? "Thanks for letting me know," she tells Naruto, before racing off, not even saying goodbye to the others she's with. All she can think of right now is Sasuke. Her worry for him is almost startling—she knows that she cares about him and even has romantic feelings for him, but she didn't realize just how deep they are until this very moment.

(_Sasuke. Sasuke. Sasuke-kun. I'd do anything for you._)

And perhaps these feelings are not entirely similar to the feelings she had when she was twelve. When she was younger, all she had was a blind devotion for Sasuke, and yet, now…maybe it's because she's grown up? Her feelings grew up with her, and more than a blind devotion, there's now the desire to protect. The desire to keep him safe, to support him, to love him as an equal. This realization nearly knocks Sakura off her feet—that she truly loves Sasuke in a fully and completely realistic manner—to want to be with him always, to help him back up when he falls, to have him do the same for her when she needs it. To build a life with him—to survive hardships together, to laugh together, to share their most joyous moments together. She wants all of that with him.

When she reaches the training grounds, the trees are on fire. The flames light up the sky in ways it never should, and, beginning to panic, Sakura expands her senses to find Sasuke's chakra signature. He's not difficult to detect, and she races towards him at full speed, her steps quickened even more by chakra.

"Sasuke-kun!" She finds him amidst the fire and the heat, aiming fireballs at anything that hasn't caught flame yet. The hem of his shirt has been burned off, and the sheer enormity and rage of his chakra signature is terrifying. Sakura can feel it burning her insides, the anger and the fury of Sasuke's very soul as he gets closer and closer to wiping out the entire area.

"Sasuke-kun!" she tries again when she gets closer to him. His back is facing her, and she truly begins to worry for her own safety as she takes another step closer. "Sasuke-kun. What happened?"

For a moment, it appears as though he didn't hear her, but then he spins around, his fist aiming straight at Sakura's face. She ducks just quick enough to dodge it, but Sasuke wastes no time in punching her with his other fist, right in the gut. She makes a gargled sound as her breath is knocked right out of her, and she grips his arm so tight that he is unable to withdraw. He screams and kicks her, sending her feet flying out from under her, and they both tumble to the ground into a pile.

She holds him to her as tight as she can, more desperate than she is afraid. "What happened, Sasuke-kun? You can tell me. It's okay."

He's shaking in her arms, and it's only then that she realizes he's wailing like a baby. "Itachi…why didn't any of you tell me that I already killed him?!"

Sakura's eyes widen. "Do you remember?"

"I overheard at the Hokage's office."

The heat of the surrounding flames is scalding to Sakura's skin, but she doesn't dare move. "We didn't tell you because we were afraid, Sasuke-kun. When you first returned, we had no idea if you were telling the truth or if you had ulterior motives. And once we discovered that you _were_ telling the truth, we didn't want to tell you because…well, because this would have happened." She looks around them—the training grounds that she's spent so much of her time in, crumbling. "Look at the place, Sasuke-kun. You destroyed it."

"The village deserves this much for doing this to me." Sakura blinks. She's surprised that he's not putting the blame on any specific person—not even her, even though she would make an easy target since she's right here. "I spent all this time waiting and being angry at the Hokage for not doing enough for my situation, when in reality, I was the one who was wrong…that's so much time wasted when I could have been…!" His sentence trails off as he breaks out into sobs again.

Sakura has never seen this side of Sasuke before. Before today, she wouldn't have even believed that he's even capable of shedding tears. But here he is, completely falling apart in her arms, perhaps the most vulnerable he's ever been since he ran through the Uchiha compound littered with lifeless corpses.

"It's okay," she says to him, pressing her lips to his hair. "It's all okay—you killed Itachi, and now your revenge is complete, right? You don't have to worry anymore. You don't have to chase after him anymore." She holds him tight like a child, like someone precious that she cannot bear to let go. "It's okay, Sasuke-kun. You're done." She rocks him back and forth, and his wails slowly quiet down to whimpers and hiccups. "You're done."

"I can be happy…" he mumbles. His body becomes lax in her grip as exhaustion overtakes him, and she smiles through her tears.

"Yeah. You can be happy."

Not long after, other shinobi arrive at the scene to put out the fire. Even the mightiest water jutsu finds it difficult to douse flames on this scale; Sasuke really did a formidable job. Naruto comes, and the look on his face when he sees Sasuke absolutely shatters Sakura. It must be so hard for him, to want to help Sasuke, but not being able to.

Naruto helps Sakura bring Sasuke home, and they try to clean him up a bit. He's willing to change into a clean set of clothes, but other than that, doesn't respond to anything they say to them. In the end, Sakura tells Naruto to go home—that he's done enough for today, and thank you so much. She knows he wants to do more, but there really is nothing more to do other than let Sasuke rest and reach his own decisions. Naruto leaves, but not without a smile and the promise to drop by later.

After he's gone, Sakura gently ushers Sasuke to bed, not unlike the way she treats her patients. Once he's under the covers, she gets a damp cloth to wipe the dirt, ash, and dried tears from his face. He lies there, compliant under her touch.

"You know, Sasuke-kun, all of us really do love you," she says to him, even though she knows he won't answer. "I guess it's hard for you to see sometimes, but we really do. Even if you won't let us, we'll love you until you want to kill every last one of us. That's how important you are." His eyes are empty, staring at the ceiling. Sakura tries her best not to cry, but a few tears manage to slip past her eyelids. "We love you a lot, and all we want is for you to be happy…so please, just forget Itachi…forget anything that ever made you sad…" How ironic that his memory loss made him forget Naruto, the one source of sunshine in everyone's life, but let him remember all the pain that Itachi caused him? It just isn't fair. Nothing is ever fair when it concerns Sasuke, and Sakura hates it.

"Sakura…" Sasuke's voice is deep and resonating—and emptier than ever. "Stay with me."

Swallowing the big lump in her throat, she nods. "Yeah. I will."

* * *

**A/N:** Whoop! The moment you've all been waiting for. I hope it met your expectations! I wanted to balance out the chaos Sasuke would have inevitably caused once he found out the truth with the crumbling of everything he's ever known. It ends not with a bang, but a whimper.

Additionally, for those who are in school, I hope your year started out well! Study hard, party harder. :D


	9. 9

**don't touch my hand and call it love**  
_you said it was over, and then cried and cried; you were gone before i said goodbye._

9.

* * *

"How is he?"

"As good as he can be, considering what he's going through."

"I never thought that he'd have such a big reaction…"

It's been a week since the incident. Sasuke's been at home ever since, refusing all invitations to go out and get some fresh air. Sakura has been getting his groceries for him, cooking for him, and doing his laundry, because she's afraid that if she leaves him alone, he'll just sit on the couch or lie in bed until he dies from hunger, dehydration, or even the lack of good hygiene.

The smell of ramen in Ichiraku is not the least bit appetizing today, and Sakura pokes at her noodles heartlessly. "Do you think he'll be okay?" she asks Naruto, who is already on his third bowl. Even in a situation like this, he's still able to eat that much.

"I think so." Naruto wipes his mouth with his sleeve. "He's been able to get through anything, right?"

She sighs. "I hope so. I don't want him to leave again after realizing that Itachi is already dead…"

"Nah, I don't think he will. He still doesn't know who wiped his memory, right? He won't know where to start looking if he's on his own." When Sakura doesn't answer, Naruto puts down his empty bowl. "Hey, Sakura-chan. Do you think whoever did that to Sasuke also wanted him to forget me?"

"I don't know." She smiles weakly at him. "I hope not."

—

The training grounds have been left untouched since. No one is quite sure of how to deal with damage on this scale yet. Sakura passes it whenever she goes to work, and all she can remember is the heat of the flames, the smell of burning wood, and Sasuke's crumpled figure in her arms.

This is Sasuke now. This is him. He's no longer the person driven by rage and revenge—now, he's nothing more than a lost little boy who's lost his direction in life. Sakura never thought that she would ever see a Sasuke like this—a Sasuke that would depend so wholly and completely on her. She wants to cry every time she thinks about it—that someone who used to stand so high has now fallen so hard.

Today, the hospital is full of Root members. It's their annual medical examination day, which is very important, since they're such crucial shinobi to the village. They're all dressed in black and lined up at the front desks to get checked in, and Sakura hurries to change into her uniform. It's going to be a long day.

Most of the Root members take the first available medic once they reach the front of the line, but some have designated medics for various reasons. Many of them prefer Sakura because she's the best after Tsunade, who never does such menial jobs anyway—which makes Sakura the best in the hospital. She sees many familiar faces as she conducts the examinations: blood tests, physical checkups, muscle growth and deterioration, and mental health. The last category is the most important, since no one quite knows what goes on in that specific faction of ANBU, and what happens there often worries all the medics because of how it may affect members' mental stability.

"Good morning, Sai!" She has her clipboard and a blank form ready when he friend enters the room, a smile in place.

"Morning, Sakura." He takes off his pack and places it on the floor by the wall, used to the long and tedious routine of the examination that he's been through so many times before. "How are you today?"

"Not bad, but I'm the one who's supposed to be asking that question, not you." She proceeds with the examination, slipping her stethoscope under his shirt to listen to his heartbeat. She feels him shiver at the cold metal. "Deep breaths." His heartbeat is steady and constant, and she takes a moment longer than usual just to listen to it. People might forget sometimes, but Sai is just as human as the rest of them.

She conducts the examination in silence, poking and prodding Sai's body. Sometimes he flinches from the cold metal of her tools, or jumps because he's ticklish in some spots (behind his knees; right by his hipbone). Sakura can't help but giggle when she brushes her fingertips past those spots just for fun, and he asks her not to do that, even though his voice holds a teasing tone.

Sakura loves Sai. It's kind of weird to think about, but if Sasuke never existed—if Sakura never knew Sasuke, then Sai would have been the person she cared most about. She loves slowly learning all of his awkward subtleties, quirks, and just being able to laugh at the most unexpected things he says. Not to mention he's a beautiful man; many women turn around for a second look at the sight of him, and Sakura feels proud that she's the one walking by his side. That she's the one he's talking to and smiling at.

"Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?" Sai asks as she's taking down his current weight. "I believe you need to spend some time away from Sasuke. You look tired."

She laughs quietly. "Hasn't anyone ever told you that you shouldn't tell girls they look tired? It's just another way of saying they look bad."

"Well, yes. I assumed that was obvious. Once you get some rest, you will look better." He steps off the scale, and she laughs, punching him playfully. Sai's insensitive comments don't hurt anymore. In fact, she even considers them refreshing now; no one thinks quite like Sai.

"I'll be working until late, since you know how long these examinations take. But if you don't mind a late dinner, I'll gladly accept the offer!"

Sai smiles. "In that case, come by my place when you're done. I'll arrange everything."

Sakura is touched by the sentiment. "Thanks. I don't remember the last time someone did that for me." In her right hand, she holds a popsicle stick. "Now, say 'ah'!"

Sai's mouth falls open and his tongue sticks out. "Ahhh…"

—

Sasuke tries to remember. All day, all the time, he tries to remember—how did he kill Itachi? How did it end? Did it end quickly, or was it long and drawn out? Was there the a battle of huge proportions? Or was he predetermined to win from the start?

Sometimes, when Sasuke tries to dig into his lost memories, some return to him—just small trickles, like a whiff of his mother's cooking, or a flash of something he knows he's seen, but can't remember seeing. But when he tries to remember things regarding Itachi, he doesn't get even that. There's a stone wall in his mind, blocking anything and everything regarding Itachi from him. What is the purpose of him forgetting Itachi? What is it that he shouldn't know?

Other than that, he doesn't know what to do now. If Itachi really is dead (and he's still angry at everyone for not telling him, but not as angry as he thought he'd be), where does he go from here? Does he make a life for himself? It's passed his mind once or twice, but he never thought about it seriously. He didn't think Itachi's death would come so quickly—or, in this case, has already passed.

Somehow, he can't shake this uneasy feeling off—not being able to remember killing Itachi doesn't quite make it feel official.

Frustrated, Sasuke clenches his hands into fists. This isn't right.

—

By the time Sakura's shift is over, it's already dark out. She's tired and sweaty and quite frankly, would like to go home to eat some leftovers and collapse in bed, but she hasn't forgotten about Sai's proposal. So she goes home for a quick shower.

_I wonder if Sasuke-kun's eaten yet?_ It's a silly question, because the answer is obviously no. Sakura is worried about his health, but she decides that he can spend a day or two without her. Like Sai had said, tonight is for herself. She's going to have a pleasant dinner with her friend, and forget all of the things that trouble her, even if it's just for one evening. She deserves that much.

"Good evening, Sakura." When Sai opens the door, Sakura is surprised to see that he's wearing something different from his usual attire. It's obvious that he owns other articles of clothing, but she can't seem to recall a time when he's actually worn something different. It's a simple outfit of a black t-shirt and white shorts, but she still has to look him up and down once.

"Weird," she mumbles. "I can't see your tummy."

"Would you like to?" Sai asks, confused.

She laughs and shakes her head. "Never mind that. You're hungry, aren't you? Let's go!"

He takes her to a quiet restaurant in the middle of the shopping district—one that she'd never been to before. She's more of a fan of street food and dango shops (and Ichiraku, she supposes—you can't hate the place when you're friends with Naruto), and it's sometimes uncomfortable for shinobi to be in such places anyway. This restaurant isn't fancy, but it's nice enough to have dim lighting and a quiet atmosphere. She isn't sure of the etiquette she's supposed to use here.

The waiter leads them to a table near the back. Sakura looks around the place in slight wonder, marveling the maroon décor, the nicely presented plates of food on other customers' tables, and the quiet piano music playing in the background. "Why did you bring me to a place like this, Sai? I could've done just as well with okonomiyaki or barbecue."

Sai smiles. "Why not? You should do something different once in a while." It isn't often that he says things like that or does things like this, so she thanks him wholeheartedly, and looks at the menu.

"Wow, I don't even know what half of these things are…I'm not very cultured, am I?"

"I've never tried any of this either." Sai seems to be as fascinated with the menu as Sakura is confused by it. "I've studied these things for infiltration missions, but I've never been in a situation where I actually had to eat the food. You like mushrooms, right? I'll order for you."

"Gosh, thanks, Sai. Why are you doing all of this for me?"

"I wonder. I suppose it's because you've been looking uglier than usual?"

"Ah…thanks for your consideration…"

Despite his slightly degrading comments, Sakura enjoys Sai's company in the following hours. He asks her about her work, what books she's read lately, and whether she'd like to train with him sometime, but never once does he mention Sasuke. For those few hours, Sakura is able to forget about Sasuke and just enjoy herself—when was the last time that happened? Far too long ago, she thinks, if she can't even remember.

After dinner, they walk along the river in a comfortable silence. The autumn night is chilly, and goosebumps rise on her arms, but she ignores it. The moonlight reflected on the river is a sight that she doesn't get to see often—it's beautiful, she thinks. Timeless and untouchable.

"Sai," she says, "have you ever considered leaving Root and just joining ANBU?"

"I have, but not seriously."

"Why not? Surely, even ANBU would be less stressful of a position than in Root? I heard you don't get paid much better there anyway."

"You wouldn't understand, but Root is a group that's been isolated from the rest of the village. If I'm good enough of an example, it would be difficult for us to integrate back into society. Even if there is no place for us to return to, our comrades in Root can still be considered our home." He smiles down at her. "I'm just lucky that I have you and Naruto as well."

Sakura never thought of it that way. "So you like being there? I guess I always just saw it as…I don't know, an organization like Akatsuki, or something. Once you were in, they wouldn't let you leave because you know too much."

"There's that, too. Root is nowhere near as strict, though. You may leave if you like, but measures must be taken first to ensure that you don't leak any unwanted information out. You may be able to pledge loyalty even after you leave, but you never know when your tongue will slip or when you'll be kidnapped and tortured for information."

"Wow. That's…frightening." Sakura's mouth hangs open in awe. "I can see why not many of you would leave in the first place."

"Well, it rarely happens in itself, since not many of us consider it." When Sai looks at her, his eyes catch something. "Are you cold?"

"Huh? A little, but I'm fine…"

"You're shivering," he points out.

"Well, yes—it's my fault for not bringing a jacket, I guess. I keep on forgetting that winter's coming." There's clear concern etched in Sai's features, which confuses Sakura in general. She doesn't remember him ever being worried about her, but this is a nice change, perhaps. She doesn't come across chivalric care very often, considering the men she spends time with.

"Naruto will be angry with me if he knows I let you catch a cold," Sai says, deep in thought. After a moment, his arm reaches around her shoulders and pulls her close. "Is this better?"

Sakura squeaks, a blush rushing to her face. She's glad it's dark. "Um, yes. You don't have to do this, though—I'm fine, really…"

"Do you not like it?"

"That's not what I mean!"

"Then it's fine." They walk along the river with Sai's arm around her shoulders. She's still physically cold, but on the inside, she's warm down to the tip of her toes.

She remembers once, last year, when Sai kissed her. It had been an absolute shock; it was right after a spar in the training grounds, and out of nowhere, his lips were on hers. She had punched him so hard he flew into a tree (mostly out of shock and not anger) and apologized profusely afterwards, nearly tripping over herself to heal his concussion. Sai's only explanation for his action was that he wanted to see what it was like, and had not quite anticipated her exuberant response.

What would it be like, Sakura wondered? To be loved by Sai. Not that it would happen, though.

He walked her to her door, his arm remaining around her the entire time. "I hope you had a good time tonight," he tells her pleasantly. "I know I am still far from being…normal, as most people would say, I hope I'm making some improvements."

Sakura's smile is warm and sincere. "You really are, Sai. Thanks for taking me out tonight—I really needed it."

"If you ever need anything else, you can come to me. I don't know if I'll be able to help, but I will do my best." She reaches out and gives him a quick hug, and she feels his hand at the small of her back.

"Thanks, I will. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Sakura."

When she's left to the quiet of her own home, Sakura is warm and giddy. Her smile stretches so wide that her face almost hurts, and she falls onto her couch, feeling more content than she has in weeks. She's forgotten how to de-stress when Sasuke is around—how important it is to remain her own person, and not Sasuke's caretaker, or his constant source of support. Every time she's had time just for herself or with her other friends, it's been interrupted in one way or another because of Sasuke—but tonight, it was just her and Sai. And it was so great.

On her beside table, there are two framed pictures. One is the same one Naruto—and recently discovered, Sasuke—has: the one from several years ago, a young Team 7. Her hair is long and her smile is bright, and looking at it always makes her feel so nostalgic.

The second picture was taken much more recently. It's one of her, Naruto, and Sai. She's in between the two boys, linking arms with both of them, a much tamer smile on her face compared to the first picture. Naruto is grinning and making a V sign with his fingers, and Sai stands there, expressionless. (At the time they took the picture, he asked them why it was necessary to take one anyway. Neither Sakura nor Naruto bothered to explain it to him.)

Tonight, she looks at the second picture, and smiles.

~o~o~

**A/N:** I _really_ love this chapter, mainly because I love Sai in this fic. I think it's important that both Sakura and the readers take a breath and step away from Sasuke for a moment, because let's admit it, Sasuke is a torrential downpour of emotions and angst.

For those in Canada, like me, have a good Thanksgiving!


	10. 10

**don't touch my hand and call it love  
**_you said it was over, and then cried and cried; you were gone before i said goodbye._

10.

* * *

Sakura watches as Sasuke stands over the table, his hands held over the dead fish lying on a special healing scroll. His hands are emitting green healing chakra that's still quite raw; he still has a long way from actually bringing the fish back to life, but that's where all medics start. Sakura spent a week or so on the dead fish.

When there's a knock on the door, Sakura and Sasuke's attention breaks, and Sakura goes to see who it is. "Shizune! What brings you here?"

"Tsunade-sama would like to see you and Sasuke-san." Confused about why the Hokage would want to see both her and Sasuke at the same time, she shoots a look at the Uchiha behind her. His shoulders rise and fall in a minuscule shrug, and he rolls his sleeves down and follows her out of the room.

"How do you find the fish?" she asks him on the way there.

"The dead shouldn't come back to life," he says, shoving his hands in his pockets.

Sakura sighs huffily. "I already explained to you—the scroll only enhances healing abilities and revives the fish only for a short while! You can never fully bring back what's already gone."

"It's still disturbing to think about the dead returning even for a little while," Sasuke says. Sakura shudders, wondering what would happen if Itachi rose from the grave.

When they enter the Hokage's office, Tsunade is dozing off in her seat with her feet propped up on the desk. There are a few bottles of sake sitting around (empty, Sakura assumes), and she sighs, collecting them and placing them outside the door to be picked up and reused later. "Shishou," she calls out, tone reprimanding. Tsunade snores on. "Shishou!" The Hokage jerks awake with a loud snort, and Sakura shakes her head in exasperation. Some things just never change. "You shouldn't be drinking during the day, let alone on the job."

"I can drink whenever I want; I'm the damn Hokage," she mutters, bringing her feet down from the desk.

"You wanted to see me and Sasuke?"

Tsunade rolls her shoulders, resulting in a few cracks. Sakura flinches. "Right. I have a mission for you two. If I can just find the scroll…" She spends a moment searching through her undoubtedly messy drawers. Sakura sends a look of surprise at Sasuke, who appears equally confused.

"But I thought Sasuke-kun isn't allowed to leave the village?"

"Yeah, well, it seems that we're a little low on staff right now." Tsunade reappears again with the mission scroll in hand, and she tosses it to Sakura. She catches it and looks at the labeling: B. "Also, now that we know that Sasuke is honest about his memory loss and the investigation team has narrowed down the list of possible suspects, I trust him enough for this mission. Is that alright with you, Sasuke?"

Sasuke stands up straight, looking Tsunade straight in the eye. "Of course, Hokage-sama." Sakura can't help but smile, because he answered her with the same loyalty a real Konoha shinobi would answer her with; just as determined to succeed. Maybe he's dying to leave the village for a while.

"It's an infiltration mission," Tsunade explains. "As always, the details are in the scroll, but there is a village that sits on the shared border of the Fire Country and Rice Field Country, where Jiraiya is currently investigating. He suspects that a small organization is being created there, and requested for two shinobi of your ranks to continue his job, since he has some urgent business to attend to in the Lightning Country. Your job is to disguise yourself as civilians and find out if what Jiraiya suspects is actually true. If it is, find out their motive, and then take them out immediately."

It takes Sakura several moments to process this. Infiltration mission with Sasuke? "An organization? Does this pose as a threat to Konoha? Are just the two of us enough to handle it?"

"From what Jiraiya has told me, it is still relatively small and composed of chuunin rank shinobi. They're weak in power, but they have strong words and strong ideas." Tsunade's features are set into a deep frown. "Those who have the power to change the thoughts of others are the most dangerous of all. Rumor has it that they've already allied with Oto, which—"

"Used to be under Orochimaru's power," Sakura finishes, slightly breathless. Everyone remembers the things Orochimaru has done to Konoha. While people are angry and resentful, there will always be that residue fear. "What exactly is this organization planning?"

The Hokage shakes her head. "We still don't know, but we've received several threats already. Threats are natural occurrences for a village that holds so much military power, but they persisted over several weeks, always sent by the same bird, unidentifiable by any of the other hidden villages. If we don't act soon, Konoha may be in danger."

Sakura nods, understanding. "How long should this mission take?"

"Two weeks, give or take a few days. If you're not back after three weeks, I'm going to send out a team to find you." Tsunade leans back in her seat, but in no way relaxes. "Sakura. If it's too dangerous, just get out of there. You and Sasuke are strong, but sometimes, quantity beats quality."

Straightening her back, Sakura salutes. "Yes, Shishou!" Sasuke follows suit, and the Hokage now dismisses them with a smile on her lips.

"Have fun, kids!"

Sakura waits until they're outside before she punches the air and jumps around in excitement. "I haven't done an infiltration mission in ages! They're always the most fun."

"Why is that?" Sasuke asks.

"You get to be someone else for a while, I guess. I've always liked that." She grins at Sasuke. "Isn't that exciting? We'll be on a mission together!" Never did she think that it was possible to even be on a mission with him again, much less with _just_ Sasuke; just thinking about it makes her want to dance in delight. Sasuke shows no indication of how he feels about the mission, and merely takes the scroll from her hand to inspect the details of the mission.

"We're supposed to leave tomorrow morning. If we do, we'll reach the village by the evening." He looks at her. "I'll meet you at the gates at sunrise?"

"Okay! Make sure to get enough rest tonight, alright?"

Sasuke nods. "You too."

Sasuke has slowly started to talk again after finding out the truth about Itachi. Perhaps he's still not as open as before—not that he was very open anyway—but he does talk, and it doesn't seem like he holds a grudge against anyone. Sakura's just glad that he doesn't; Sasuke has always been such an angry person. It makes her sad.

She studies the scroll once she returns home. She and Sasuke are to act as civilians under fake names for the duration of their mission, with their relationship being any of convenience, whether it's that of siblings, friends, or lovers. There is also a note at the bottom, telling Sakura to dye her hair. She laughs quietly at that. There's always a note for her to dye her hair when she goes on infiltration missions; her pink hair is too noticeable, and she would almost definitely be recognized wherever she went. Haruno Sakura is no longer a small name, after all.

She spends the night packing and dying her hair, knowing that she wouldn't be able to sleep if she tried anyways.

—

The sun is just peeking over the cliff when she reaches the village gates, sleepy, but ready. Sasuke hasn't arrived yet; she hopes it's because he took her advice and is giving himself a little bit more sleep. She places her pack on the ground and sits, her back leaning against one of the tall wooden pillars.

It's only slightly brighter when Sasuke arrives, and at first, he completely ignores her. She peers at him curiously as he pays her no heed, wearing the same clothes he used to before he returned to Konoha. They don't give her good memories, but she supposes they're easy to move around in—and it doesn't discourage her too much, because on his forehead, he's wearing his brand new hitai-ate.

Of course. If he's on a mission on behalf of Konoha, he is officially a shinobi of the village again. The sight makes Sakura smile.

Once Sasuke reaches the the gate, his eyes scan the surroundings, including the weird girl sitting on the ground. He only glances at her briefly, before realization suddenly hits him, and he looks at her again. "Sakura."

Laughing, she stands up and brushes the dust off her shorts. "You didn't recognize me, did you?"

"Sorry. I'm still not fully awake yet."

"Really? Or do you use my pink hair as my indicator more than you'd like to admit?" Sasuke avoids her eyes and doesn't answer. She sighs, not bothering to hide her smile. "Whatever. Let's go?"

Their entire trip is quiet, save for their passing remarks and a few conversations about medical jutsu. They stop once by a creek for lunch and to refill their water supply, and once a few miles away from the village to change into civilian clothes. Instead of leaping through trees, they walk the rest of the way in an amicable silence.

"So we haven't really discussed it," Sakura says. "What's our relationship? What's our backstory? People are definitely going to ask if we're dropping by a small village where everyone knows everyone."

"I've thought about it," Sasuke says. "We don't look remotely alike, so we can't say that we're siblings. We can just be friends."

"Friends that are traveling together?"

"For convenience," he elaborates. "Our own village has been raided, and we're looking for a new home together."

"Okay." Sakura nods. "I would believe that. What are our fake names?"

"I'll be Hayate. You can be…Kazuko."

"…Is there any reason why you chose those names?"

"No."

She sighs. "Okay." She perks up when she can finally see the village in her line of sight. "Look, there it is! I see Jiraiya!" She waves her hand in large motions, and Sasuke has to duck to avoid getting hit. Out of the corner of her eye, she catches him frowning in irritation. She ignores him and breaks into a sprint.

"I almost didn't recognize you!" Jiraiya laughs when she reaches him. "Nice to see you, Sakura. Is that Sasuke back there?"

"Yeah. You've never actually met him, have you?"

"Nope. And I can't say I'm all that excited to, either." Jiraiya blocks the sun from his eyes as he squints, looking at Sasuke who's walking down the path at a leisurely pace. "Maybe I can get out of it. Here's all the information that I've gathered so far." He hands Sakura a little notebook. Sakura flips through it; there is only information scribbled onto the first few pages, but it's more than enough to get their mission started. "It's more likely than not that this new little organization are hiding here until their forces are big enough, so just be careful, okay?" He grins. "Not that I doubt you, Ms. Slayer of Sasori."

She laughs, punching him playfully. "You have to stop calling me that! You keep on forgetting that I wouldn't have had a chance against him if I didn't have help."

"Right, right, of course." Jiraiya glances out into the distance. "Well, Sasuke's almost here, so I guess I'll see you later. Don't die!"

"I should say the same to you!" She shouts after him as he leaps off into the trees.

Sakura waits for Sasuke to reach her, and she hands him the notebook. He flips through it without much comment. "We just have to find out their motive and take them out, right?" he says offhandedly.

"You could do that without my help, couldn't you, Sasuke-kun?" she jokes. A ghost of a smirk graces his lips, and she supposes that's as good as she'll get. "I suppose the first thing to do is get settled in, right?" She enters the village, quick to ask someone for directions to an inn.

It turns out to be the only inn in the village. As expected, the village much smaller than Konoha, but it's just as lively, even in the evening. There are merchants and vendors as she and Sasuke pass through the marketplace, all people who seem enthusiastic about their job. Sakura is interested about what's on sale, but Sasuke doesn't stop for anything, his mind focused solely on the mission. She can't be surprised, she supposes, since it's been a while since he got to do something like this.

The inn is just off the main street, tucked comfortably between a BBQ restaurant and laundromat. The receptionist, an elderly woman wearing a pink yukata that's seen better days, smiles warmly at them at their entrance.

"One room?" she asks knowingly.

Sakura blinks in surprise. "I'm sorry, you're mistaken. We'll take two—"

"One is fine," Sasuke interrupts her, stepping up to the counter, their arms brushing. "Please make sure there are two beds."

The receptionist chuckles delightedly at Sakura's baffled expression. "Of course."

Once they've retrieved their keys and are walking up the stairs, Sakura hisses to Sasuke, "Why did you say we'll be sharing a room? What happened to Hayate and Kazuko being just friends?"

"One room is cheaper, and we'll have our wits about us if we're ambushed," he replies. "Also, we might be friends that are on the edge of becoming more."

Sakura doesn't like the implications behind his words, so she ignores him. Ultimately, she thinks that Sasuke just doesn't care about the infiltration component of this infiltration mission.

Their room is sparsely furnished but clean, two beds pressed against either wall as promised. A small circular table and a chair are at the foot of one of the beds, and Sakura doesn't hesitate before placing her things on the table and undoing her medic's apron. Sasuke doesn't complain either, and takes one of the beds, taking off his holster and rolling his shoulders. Several cracks meet Sakura's ears, and she resists cringing.

"We should scout out locations," Sasuke says. "Get a general idea of the village and its surrounding areas and start planning counteroffensive strategies and escape routes."

Sakura was thinking more along the lines of resting for tonight after having travelled for the entire day, but she supposes this is what made Sasuke such a successful missing-nin for the past several years. Never resting, never letting down his guard. "Let's at least plan over dinner," she suggests, finally feeling the full effects of the hunger that she's been ignoring for the past few hours.

He shrugs. "Sure."

"Okay." She pauses, and then tries out, "Hayate."

It's a heartbeat before he replies. "Kazuko."

It's odd to call Sasuke anything other than his name, because Sasuke in himself is already such a unique person. His name is something that has always defined him; Uchiha holds the pride and fame of his clan, and Sasuke holds his very essence, in all of his rage and quiet beauty. In comparison, the name Hayate is pale at best.

The weather is nice, but autumn is clearly in the air. The village is farther up north than Konoha so it's chillier here—but the air is also cleaner and fresher. Sakura isn't fond of colder weather, since she's from the heart of the Fire Country, but maybe she could get used to this. She and Sasuke walk through the entire village, taking note of where everything is. It takes less than an hour, and after that, they're at the BBQ restaurant right beside their inn.

Sakura is more interested in the raw meat that's being served to them, but she forces herself to listen when Sasuke speaks to her in a low voice. "The only place we haven't looked at yet is the uninhabited part of the residential area. It'll be suspicious if we go there now, so we should check it out later tonight."

"Jiraiya's notes said that the organization has probably set up their temporary headquarters there, right?"

"Yeah. The infrastructure is weak, and according to the notes, the villagers stopped living in that area for several years already."

"Okay." She's already grilling the meat. "We'll investigate later."

Sasuke grunts in agreement, and, despite himself, digs into the food just as enthusiastically as she does. She smiles through her mouthful of pork.

They eat together in a comfortable silence, and Sakura wonders if Sasuke finds this moment as beautiful as she does.

—

From afar, the south side of the village looks like an average residential area with sturdy wooden houses and neatly kept front lawns. Upon closer inspection, those sturdy wooden houses have caved in walls and are missing roofs, and the neatly kept front lawns have no grass and the trees are bare.

Sakura and Sasuke move through this area as quiet as a secret, as quiet as death. They've changed back into their shinobi-wear for full mobility, no longer acting as civilians—they are now full-fledged shinobi, soldiers willing to march into war.

She can hardly make out Sasuke's figure in the dark, and she stops in her tracks on sheer instinct when he holds his arm out, indicating to halt. "Do you sense that?" he murmurs, voice almost inaudible.

Sakura concentrates, and expands her senses. Sasuke's right—it's faint, but it's there—chakra signatures, no more than a hundred meters away. Tsunade was right—if these shinobi aren't able to mask their presence, then they can't be higher than chuunin level.

"Let's get closer," she whispers, and they move again.

The chakra signatures are gathered within one rundown house; completely inconspicuous, blending easily into the surroundings. Sakura pulls a kunai from her holster and moves now with much more caution, treading so lightly that the wood of the porch beneath her feet doesn't even creak. Moonlight streams in through a large hole in the roof down into what used to be a kitchen. The sink, covered in dust and leaves and dirt, doesn't shine.

The house appears empty at first glance, but it takes Sakura less than a moment to notice the genjutsu around the pantry. She forms her fingers into a seal and dispels it, and beside her, Sasuke follows suit. She creeps forward and through the open door of the pantry. In the floor is a trapdoor, completely visible now that the genjutsu is gone. She glances at Sasuke.

Going any further than this is dangerous. Judging by the chakra signatures, there are at least a dozen shinobi underneath them, and that's only assuming that there are none that can successfully mask their presence. Continuing on without any further intel would be a stupid move.

Sasuke seems to understand this as well, because he puts away his kunai. He bites into his thumb, drawing blood, and forms several seals, the movements so quick that Sakura almost doesn't catch them. She knows what he's doing though—she's seen this jutsu too many times not to know.

A puff of smoke later, a small snake is summoned, dark green to the point that it's almost black. Its tiny tongue flicks in and out of its mouth, tasting the air.

Sasuke kneels down and lowers his head, speaking quietly to the snake. "Stay here and gather information. Report back to me tomorrow." The snake's head bobs in understanding, and Sasuke straightens up again, now talking to Sakura. "Let's go."

The snake couldn't have been any longer than the length of her finger. It slithers away into the shadows, undetected. Sakura redirects her attention to Sasuke and nods.

They're out of there in less than a minute. When the inn is finally in sight, Sakura relaxes, slipping her kunai back into her holster. The entire village is asleep—there's no one around.

She and Sasuke don't exchange a single word as they return to their room and unpack their things. Sakura is quick to grab the bathroom first, eager to be clean so she can have a good night's rest. She supposes not sleeping at all the night before was not the smartest choice—it's finally taking a toll on her. It takes everything in her willpower to even keep her eyes open as she starts running the water in the bathtub.

Despite being exhausted, though, Sakura feels good. Today went relatively smoothly, and she didn't run into any rough patches with Sasuke. Their mission is progressing without a hitch so far, _and_ she's even getting to use the bathroom first. She's had more victories today than she's sometimes had in an entire week.

She exits the bathroom in a tank top and shorts, toweling her hair dry. Sasuke is sitting on his bed, propped up against his pillows and staring thoughtfully at Jiraiya's notebook. He doesn't rest, does he? Not even for a moment. Sakura can imagine when he was hunting down Itachi, spending hours drawing up battle plans and strategies, gathering allies, staying up late even when everyone else has gone to sleep, staring into the campfire. It makes Sakura a little sad to think about, because he never gives any time for himself. This kind of behavior is self destructive, and Sakura doesn't know if it can ever be corrected. She walks up to him and gently pulls the notebook from his hands. He looks up at her, eyes questioning.

"You should rest," she tells him. "It's been a long day." For a moment, it seems like he doesn't even fathom what she's telling him. Then his eyes run over her once; her wet hair, her pajamas—and he sighs.

"Right."

She holds out her hand to help him up, and he takes it. He's warm. When he looks down at her, she's startled by how pronounced the dark rings under his eyes are. "Are you okay?" she asks quietly.

"I don't know what you're talking about." His hand slips out of hers and he brushes past her.

She turns around, wanting to ask something about Itachi, but he's already disappeared into the bathroom. When she hears the water running, she decides to let it go. She shouldn't expect much from him, after all. Sasuke is still Sasuke, whether or not he's achieved his revenge.

She's already sound asleep before the water turns off, too exhausted to even bother getting under the covers.

-o-o-o-

**A/N:** Sorry for the long wait! I decided to go in a completely different direction with this new mini-arc, so I'm in the process of rewriting all of the future chapters. I just finished up with this one last night. I suck, I know, yadda yadda yadda.


	11. 11

**don't touch my hand and call it love  
**_you said it was over, and then cried and cried; you were gone before i said goodbye._

11.

* * *

Sakura wakes up the next morning, feeling thoroughly rested. The curtains are pulled back and the sun is shining through, already very high in the sky. Her eyes widen and she shoots up, throwing her covers back.

"Decided to come out of hibernation?" Her head turns and she sees Sasuke sitting cross-legged on his bed, various weapons categorically placed around him. He's sharpening them.

"What time is it?" she asks groggily, running a hand through her hair. It was still wet when she fell asleep last night—she's sure there's a bird's nest on her head right now, even more so because her hair is actually brown.

"Nearing noon."

Her eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets. "Why didn't you wake me up?" she exclaims. "We already wasted half a day!"

"There's nothing we could have done up until now," Sasuke replies, not even looking up at her. "I'm still waiting for Yuko to report back to me, and until then, we're on standby. If you're really that tired, then you should spend that time resting." Yuko must be the snake that he summoned last night. Sakura pulls herself out of bed and crawls onto Sasuke's, carefully avoiding all of the sharp blades as she settles down at the foot of the bed where there is nothing that can cut through her flesh.

"So you've just been sharpening weapons all morning?"

"I also got a map from downstairs." Sasuke reaches over and grabs a brochure from the bedside table and hands it to her. "I've marked out escape routes on there; take a look at it." Sakura unfolds the brochure. Inside is a map meant for tourists, giving the general geographical area around the village. It has been drawn on by Sasuke in a thick black marker, circles and arrows here and there, all coming from the village they're staying in, right in the middle of the page.

Sasuke talks as she inspects the map. "South from here is a dense forest, no doubt with a few rivers running through it. Escaping through there back to Konoha is probably the safest option. If for some reason why can't return to Konoha, we can always go southeast through the River Country and to Suna for the time being, or north through the Valley of the End and into the Rice Field Country."

"Rice Field Country?" Sakura frowns. "Right into enemy territory?" The Rice Field Country used to be at peace with the Fire Country, but that was before Orochimaru took control of it. Now, there is still tension between the two nations even though Orochimaru is long gone.

"I know the terrain," Sasuke says. "We'll be fine. But that's the last option—I doubt that we'll have to resort to it."

"I hope not," Sakura mutters. She did not anticipate so many potential failures for this mission to the point where they would have to hide in the Rice Field Country.

So this is what Sasuke meant by "there's nothing we could have done up until now", huh? What he actually meant was "there's nothing we could have done that I could've done without you", right? Sakura frowns, folding up the brochure once she's memorized the escape routes. Not wanting to start her day off on such a bad note, she decides to go brush her teeth and get cleaned up.

It's only then that she notices that Sasuke isn't sharpening his own weapons. He's sharpening hers.

Her weapons pouch is sitting near his pillow—she knows it's hers because beside it, Sasuke's laid out the plastic vials of poison that she personally created to soak her senbon with. It paralyzes the victim and destroys the medulla oblongata, simultaneously killing pain receptors and shutting down all autonomic functions. It's the easiest, most painless death she can possibly give.

Her irritation disappears immediately at this, and she wonders what prompted Sasuke to sharpen her weapons for her. It's a little chauvinistic in a way, but it still moves her just because it's Sasuke.

(_Without his memories, he will always be a little more like her happily-ever-after._)

She wonders how things became this way.

She hugs her knees against her chest, watching him continue his menial job. "Hey, Sasuke-kun…are you okay with this?"

"What do you mean?" He doesn't spare her a glance.

"I could understand if you didn't want to serve the village, but you followed Shishou's orders without even questioning her. Aren't you more concerned about who wiped your memory?"

He takes his time answering, each word articulated and thought out before he says them. "I haven't forgotten about that. But I can't do anything from within the village. And I am not pledging loyalty to Konoha again—I broke that trust once, and it's not going to return. I'm merely doing my duty as a person who lives there—I should at least contribute if I don't plan to leave for the time being. It's the basic principle of life."

Sakura's heart skips a beat. "You don't plan to leave?"

"Do I have a reason to?" He looks up at her now, and she swallows. His eyes are clear—the most honest she's ever seen them. "The village can do a better investigation on my memory loss than I can, so it's only logical that I stay."

"What happens once you find out who did it to you?" She unconsciously clenches her fists. She's been so tired ever since Sasuke returned, but…she doesn't want him to go. If that's the only price she has to pay for him to stay, she wouldn't mind being tired for the rest of her life. If it means that he can rest easy at night, she'll do it.

"That depends, doesn't it?" He speaks about the matter without much care. "I can't determine what I'll do in the future if I don't even know what's going to happen."

"I hope you stay," she says quietly, hesitantly, almost hoping he doesn't hear.

If he does, then he doesn't respond. Instead, he asks, "Do you remember when I asked you to be with me?"

She laughs. "How could I forget?" After all, that was the night he kissed her. She still thinks of it sometimes—wishes that they were under different circumstances, so she could just let herself melt into his touch. She still regrets saying no sometimes, too.

"I don't mean to push the issue, but that offer still stands."

This is when Sakura freezes completely. Sasuke stops sharpening, and silence falls around them—she's almost afraid to talk, in case something irreversible spills from her lips.

(_Yes._)

"And my answer still stands," she says, nearly tripping over her own words. "I don't know why we have to bring this up again."

"Last time, you said it was because I couldn't give you what you wanted me to give you." Sasuke pauses. "I thought about that for a long time. You want a proper relationship, don't you?"

"This isn't a conversation I want to have with you of all people, Sasuke-kun," she laughs, even though she's so nervous her heart is nearly pounding out of her ribcage. She's afraid that if she takes Sasuke seriously, this entire situation will become startlingly real—and she doesn't want it to be real, not after how long it took for her to get over it the first time. Despite everything, there will always be a line between her and Sasuke—and it may never disappear.

Sasuke carefully pushes all the weapons to the side, the clinking of metal against metal making her stomach do flips. "I can give you that now. Itachi is dead—I don't want to be with you for any reason other than…for me." He moves closer to her—close enough for her to feel his warmth, to hear his quiet, trembling breaths. He's trembling.

She closes her eyes, and feels every beat of her heat pulsing through her veins. "I can't." Her voice is like the rattling wind on an autumn afternoon, as dry as the leaves on the ground.

His nose nuzzles the her temple, so soft she nearly doesn't feel it. Her breath catches in her throat. "I'm sorry. For everything I've done to you. And everything I don't remember doing to you." His apology is choppy and strained—Sakura can never help but be moved by it. He's trying, even now. Where is the worth that he sees in her now that he didn't see all those years ago?

"I can't," she says again. It almost sounds like begging. Begging for him not to do this to her—not here, not now. Not ever.

"Why not?" She can feel his lips moving against her hair.

There she is, hugging her knees so tightly to her chest that she can hardly breathe. Sasuke is sitting cross-legged, facing her side; his breath against her cheek, his lips just in her peripheral vision. She can turn her head and be in the place she's wanted to be since she was twelve. It could be that easy.

If she says yes, what will her efforts up until now have been for? What was her emotional struggle for? Sasuke being here is her second chance at friendship with him, not a romantic getaway. That can never happen now. Sakura closes her eyes and tries to convince herself of this.

For a moment, both of them just breathe—Sasuke breathes in her scent, and she breathes in everything that never was.

"You can be happy with me," is the last thing Sasuke says to her before she gathers all the willpower to pull away from him. It feels like she's stepping out of a life-changing moment—one that would have had everything go in a completely different direction, if only she made the other choice. A heavy air lingers over them, and Sakura fights the urge not to cry. She has a strong willpower, but Sasuke's words can bring down entire empires.

When she looks at him, there is a mixture of disappointment and hurt on his face, but she comforts herself by remembering that he doesn't look even half as crushed as he did on the day she found him amidst the burning trees.

—

Shikamaru knocks on the door of the Hokage's office early in the morning. When he enters the room, Tsunade looks just as exhausted and sleep deprived as he does. Normally, he wouldn't even be here this early in the day, but he had trouble sleeping the night before because of what Naruto had told him.

That possibility has always existed, lingering in the back of Shikamaru's mind, but he didn't want to look into it until there was nowhere else to look.

Tsunade yawns loudly. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

"I would like to request access to the second records room, Hokage-sama." Tsunade's calm demeanor immediately drops once he says this, and her lips curl into a frown.

"Why? I've read everything in it before, and there's nothing in there that would benefit you."

"That was because when you read them, you weren't looking for anything specific. And I don't mean to be rude, Hokage-sama, but I believe I may have a sharper mind than you." For a brief moment, irritation flashes across the Hokage's eyes, and Shikamaru braces himself for any sort of consequences of what he just said. He escapes his doom, though, maybe because Tsunade's still too sleepy to care—or maybe because she knows it's true.

"Alright," she finally concedes, rummaging in her drawer and tossing him a key. "Return it to me once you're done, don't talk to anyone on the way there or back, and report any findings to me."

He salutes. "Yes, ma'am."

The first records room is the one with all the general records—village history, profiles of past Hokages, architectural blueprints, you name it. The second records room is always locked, and only very few people have the key to access it. It's where the confidential records lie; any information that could be used against the village, anything that villagers would find controversial—or, in Shikamaru's case, any detailed information on the Uchiha massacre.

He fingers the key in his pocket as he makes his way to the second records room, greeting staff good morning as he passes them, all of them looking sufficiently more well rested than he is.

"_I was talking to Sai a while back, and I just remembered,"_ Naruto had told him the evening before as they were sitting atop Shikamaru's usual hill where he gazes at clouds. _"He said that Sasuke wouldn't have had a reason not to return to Konoha after he killed Itachi, but he never did come back. Why do you think that is?"_

The only plausible reason that Shikamaru can come up with is that Sasuke's revenge hadn't been fulfilled after all. The other possibility is simply because Sasuke didn't want to return, but that doesn't quite explain the sightings of him with his friends (friends? Accomplices, more like) constantly traveling about the nations without settling. It makes Shikamaru uneasy to think about. If killing Itachi wasn't the end of Sasuke's revenge, then what else could there be?

After having narrowed down the list of suspects that might have hostile feelings towards Sasuke, it did not slip past Shikamaru to have Konoha on the list as well. Sasuke has always been a potential threat to the village ever since he left—but Shikamaru had only wanted to look into that possibility when everything else had come to dead ends. Now that Naruto has mentioned it, though…

It may also do him some good to talk to Sai as well. Since he's part of Root, there will be things he's familiar with that Shikamaru isn't. After all, it's Sai who tipped Naruto off in the first place. Perhaps he did it intentionally? Shikamaru frowns in thought. He isn't sure, because he's never been very acquainted with Sai—he's never even been on a mission with him in the years he's known him.

Shikamaru doesn't know what he'll find in the second records room, but he knows the first place to look will be the records on the Uchiha massacre. After all, if you hit a dead end, the best place to backtrack to will be the source of it all—where it all started.

As he slips the key into the keyhole and turns the doorknob, he finds that his hands are trembling.

—

It's late evening when Yuko appears with a puff of smoke, slipping through the unmade sheets of Sasuke's bed. Sakura is in the middle of explaining the properties of some basic medicinal herbs to Sasuke. They're both sitting cross-legged on her bed, restless from not having done much all day.

"What's the situation?" Sasuke asks Yuko.

The snake's tongue pokes out of her mouth. "Their underground headquarters' circumference is almost the size of the entire village, and new tunnels are still being added. Right now, there are about thirty of them, and more are on the way from Oto."

"Thirty?" Sakura exclaims, eyes wide. "That many?"

"Where are they from?" Sasuke asks. "Do they have any identifying hitai-ate?"

"Some are from various hidden villages, but more than half are from Konoha." Yuko's voice is unnervingly quiet, smooth and silky the way a snake moves stealthily through the grass. "Do you know anything about this?"

Sasuke turns to look at Sakura, directing Yuko's question towards her. Sakura shakes her head. "I've never heard anything about that. All missing-nin from Konoha are S-class and in the bingo book—there's no reason for any of them to join forces with such a preliminary organization."

"I didn't see any familiar faces either," Yuko adds. "No sign of Akatsuki, and it doesn't seem like Oto's actions are of Orochimaru's will either."

"Then what exactly are we dealing with?" Sasuke asks brusquely. "What did you actually discover?"

Unfazed by her master's clear lack of manners, the snake says, "They plan to attack Konoha. And soon."

Sakura goes cold.

"How soon?" Sasuke's voice is hard. "I need _details_, Yuko—_'soon'_ isn't going to cut it."

"Within the month. Oto forces will be here next week. They'll have enough strength by then to launch a full scale attack."

"We need…" Sakura feels faint. "We need to get back. We need to warn them."

Sasuke and Yuko continue to exchange a few words, but Sakura isn't even listening anymore; blood is rushing to her head, her heart pounding loudly in her ears like a persistent drum. Her breaths come quick and shallow.

The last time Konoha was attacked, there were severe repercussions. Sakura still has nightmares about it, sometimes—the destroyed buildings, the fallen men, the smell of burning flesh—she wasn't there when it happened, since she was with Naruto, Shikamaru and Pakkun, tracking Sasuke down, but that doesn't mean that she didn't see anything when they returned. Every single image of a safe home had shattered; from that day on, she had never quite slept as soundly in her own bed ever again. Not even the space within the four walls of her home is safe.

Sasuke's hands gripping her shoulders somehow snap her back to the present. "Sakura." He looks straight at her. "Calm down." It's only then that she realizes her hands are shaking.

"We have to go back," she says again, struggling to get out of his grip so she can begin packing. "Konoha needs to put up defenses. We need several platoons to come and preemptively strike—there's no way the two of us can deal with it ourselves. We can't let this happen to Konoha—not again—"

"_Sakura._" Sasuke's palms press against her face and he forcefully turns her so she's looking straight at him. "Calm. Down. We have time. We have a month."

"Yuko said _within_ a month, not _after_ a month." But her paranoia begins to die down as Sasuke holds her steady, his palms warm against her cheeks. Solid. Reassuring. "You don't understand, Sasuke-kun—how much I love Konoha." _You've never understood._

His eyes are blank. "We have time," he repeats. "Take a deep breath for me." She inhales, and then exhales. "Good. One more."

Still trembling, she breathes.

Sasuke's thumb brushes her cheekbone, once—it could almost be considered affectionate, if it weren't him. "Better?" His voice is quiet.

"Yes."

His hands leave her face, and her shoulders slump, a sudden exhaustion washing over her. "I think I need some fresh air."

"I'll go with you." He pauses. "If that's alright with you."

Sakura smiles, faintly. "Yeah. It's alright."

—

They walk in silence outside, the sun setting beyond the horizon, casting a rich orange from east to west. The shops and vendors are beginning the close up, leaving only the restaurants open. They aimlessly walk past everything, their pace slow and unhurried.

"How long has it been since Orochimaru attacked Konoha?" Sasuke asks.

Sakura shakes her head. "It's been so long that I don't even remember. More than five years, at least."

"I was fighting Gaara at that time."

"Yeah. And I was chasing you." She smiles sadly at the memory. All she's ever done is chase Sasuke. How ironic is it that once she's finally found her own way, he's come back and shaken her up again?

"Time flies by," Sasuke muses.

"It does," Sakura agrees. So much has happened in these past few years that she would have never expected, both good and bad. Looking back on it, it feels like just a blink of an eye—it couldn't have been _years_, could it? Just like a dream, she closed her eyes when Sasuke knocked her out on that fateful night, and when she woke up again, she was here.

(_Sometimes, it's still hard to think that the world keeps turning, even without Sasuke in it._)

"I'll send Yuko to deliver a message to Konoha," he says as they walk past a public bath. "Meanwhile, I think we should stay here and keep an eye on things."

Just thinking about her home being in danger again makes her feel nauseous. "Yeah, that's a good idea. Sorry I just…freaked out earlier."

"You have bad memories. I get it."

"Do you have any bad memories, Sasuke-kun?" She pauses. "From after you left Konoha, I mean. Unless you had bad memories before you left." He glances at her. Her cheeks warm at her obvious mistake. "Other than the massacre."

Sasuke's eyes glint with humor just for a moment, before it fades away. "Bad memories go without saying. I was with Orochimaru. I was training to kill my brother."

"Oh." Sakura nods, not wanting to push any further. She isn't even sure if she wants to know what's happened between then and now. "Of course."

"It was always quiet," Sasuke continues, taking her by surprise. "Orochimaru and Kabuto weren't always with me, and even when they were, they weren't exactly sociable. Otherwise, there was no one around. I always trained by fighting against…disposable people." He pauses. "Death does not make good company."

For a brief moment, the image of Sasuke at age twelve flashes before her eyes, spending an eternity in silence because he couldn't find it in him to admit that he was lonely.

"That must have been hard," she says, quietly.

"Life is hard," Sasuke tells her.

By the time they've walked around the village once, the sun has set completely. No one is out during this time of night, although there are lights on in some of the houses. Under different circumstances, this might have been a nice place to live. Quiet and peaceful, without any of the turbulences of shinobi or their lives. Even civilians in Konoha are not as relaxed as the villagers here; there is a coexistence between them and the shinobi that always has them wondering if their lives will ever be in danger, and if anyone will come to their rescue. But here, in this tiny village, no one has those types of worries, because there are no shinobi here at all.

"I think Hayate and Kazuko would live good lives here," she says, more to herself than to Sasuke.

"I think they would live boring and meaningless lives," Sasuke replies without much hesitation or thought. Sakura is taken aback by such a morbid way of thinking. "Hayate and Kazuko are much better off being Sasuke and Sakura."

"Really? Do you really think that?"

Sasuke looks infinitely less harmful when he's wearing traditional civilian clothes, but his words are still like a blade. He's wearing brown tonight, down to earth and not intimidating at all. But that's only as far as eyes can see.

"What would Hayate and Kazuko do here?" he says. "They left their destroyed village and started a new life here. Chances are, they'll stay here because of the stability and the kindness of the villagers. Then they'll fall in love and have children. Then they live out the rest of their lives doing what everyone else does."

"I think that's lovely," she argues. "We've never gotten lives like that."

"I don't see why you'd want to."

She frowns. "Do you _like_ the life you have now? All that hatred and revenge, never being able to settle…is that the kind of life that you actually want?"

He shrugs, completely unbothered by the direction their conversation is going in. "We've all been dealt cards. No one said we had to like them."

Does he mean that Konoha isn't even worth fighting for? The thought hurts Sakura a little.

"I love Konoha," she says quietly. "I love my friends. Even if I didn't want to, I'd stay for them."

"That's fortunate for me, then, because I don't have anyone to stay for."

Sasuke hits a nerve with that statement, and Sakura can't even bother to talk to him anymore. Her steps quicken down the road as they make their way back to the inn, the irritation clear in her steps.

No one to stay for? In his entire lifetime, has _no one_ in the village made an impact on him? Is life as a missing-nin really better than the stability that being a Konoha shinobi would give him? It hurts Sakura to even think about—that out of all the lives she knows that are connected to Sasuke in some way, none of them make a big enough impression for him to even think twice about. Not even her, who he claims to have feelings for. And not even Naruto, who he can't even bother trying to remember.

Tonight, their room looks cold and empty. Sakura tosses her weapons pouch on her bed, irritably massaging her thigh where it's been strapped onto all day, underneath her clothes. What's up with Sasuke anyway? He goes spouting nonsense about wanting to be with her, and then acts like a decent human being, and then says something completely inconsiderate. What does he expect her to do when he acts like that?

"Are you angry?" She spins around to see him leaning against the wall.

She turns away. "Not that it would matter to you."

"Of course it does. Are you stupid?" His footsteps are the only sound in the room as he walks towards her. "Didn't I already say that you're someone important to me?"

_Obviously not someone important enough to stay for,_ she thinks bitterly. "I'm not going to take your half-assed attempts to win me over, Sasuke-kun."

"Since when were they ever half-assed?" he snaps. "Since when has anything I've ever done been half-assed?"

"If you really do care about me, you wouldn't be carelessly saying things that imply that you don't," she snaps right back at him.

"That bothers you?" There's an air of triumph in his tone.

Crap. What is she saying? Her arguing with him means that she _wants_ him to care. She needs to get a hold of herself—just because she has a mission alone with Sasuke for a short amount of time doesn't mean that she can get carried away with her feelings.

She remembers earlier today. They had been so close—so close to crossing the line that she had clearly drawn between them weeks ago. Just thinking about it now makes her heart beat faster. She knows she loves Sasuke—she does, but that is no reason for her to be with him.

Right?

She doesn't realize that Sasuke is right behind her until he speaks. "Why don't you believe me when I say that I honestly want to be with you you?"

"Because…" She's trapped behind him and her bed. "Because you're Sasuke-kun. You've never wanted that from me."

"I thought you knew that I changed!" She flinches when he raises his voice. "I hate this memory loss, Sakura. It's limited me in so many ways, and I can't even begin to describe how angry I am about it all the time, but…I'm almost positive that without it, I would never be where I am with you right now. I think…I think you've always been an important person to me, but I could never afford to be happy with you." As he speaks, his words get quicker and he sounds more and more frantic. "But I _can_ now that Itachi's dead, so why won't you let me? What part of _me caring about you_ do you not understand?"

It's not that Sakura doesn't understand. She understands perfectly. What _Sasuke_ doesn't understand that a relationship is a two-way street. It doesn't come into existence just because one party wants it to. And she still doesn't have complete faith that they'll make it very far, so what's the point of even starting? What's the point of hoping she won't get hurt, when in the end, she will?

She turns around and looks him straight in the eye, ignoring how close they really are, because in the end, there will always be a chasm between them. "What part of _no_ do not not understand?" she hisses, sounding much more menacing than she intends to.

For a moment, there's a flash of something in Sasuke's eyes, but it's gone before Sakura can pinpoint exactly what it is. Irritation? Betrayal? Hurt?

She almost wants to take back what she just said.

Sasuke's hands reach up to hold her face steady, and before she realizes what's happening, his mouth crashes onto hers. She makes a muffled sound against his lips, so startled that she tries to take a step backward and crashes onto the bed, taking Sasuke down with her. Him landing on her knocks the breath right out of her lungs, but none of that stops him from kissing her—hard and rough and everything Sasuke ever is and ever has been.

She pulls her hand back and curls it into a fist, and punches him right in the face.

There's a moment of stunned silence as Sasuke hovers on top of her. Sakura is breathing heavily, face flushed from both the kiss and the extremity of what she just did.

Sasuke massages his face. "You dislocated my jaw." The words are slightly convoluted because he can't form them correctly. Without too much of a thought, she reaches up and feels around his bottom jaw, and snaps it back into place without a warning. He grunts in pain.

"You deserve it," she tells him honestly. A dislocated jaw isn't anything that would hinder Sasuke anyway—especially if she's around to fix it.

He massages his jaw, but doesn't move from on top of her. He has his hands and legs on either side of her, supporting himself so he doesn't fall; she lays there, waiting for him to get off of her. He doesn't.

"Please move," she says. "I think I made my answer very clear."

His hand drops from his jaw to touch her hair, fingers gently running through it. "I didn't think…" His voice trails off, and she finds herself curious as to how that sentence would have ended.

This is the Sasuke who exists now. Not the one driven by revenge and full of hatred, but one who is trying to win her in all of the wrong ways. He lets his guard down a little more, he speaks a little more, and maybe—just maybe—he loves a little more.

Sasuke's head falls and rests in the crook of her neck. She stares at the ceiling, feeling his breath on her skin. "You don't know how to deal with your feelings, do you?" she asks quietly.

"No."

She smiles a little, bringing her arms up to embrace him. In the end, he's still nothing more than a child. "If you can't even deal with your own feelings, how can you expect to deal with mine?"

Maybe, she thinks. Maybe one day, she can be with Sasuke—fully and properly, like she's always wanted to be. Maybe it'll be far in the future, or maybe it'll be tomorrow—she doesn't know yet. Right now, Sasuke is so full of honesty that it almost scares her—how genuine he's being towards her right now—but at the same time, it gives her a tiny glimmer of hope that maybe—just maybe, they have a chance.

Sasuke's body is warm. Sakura gathers a large breath in her lungs, and exhales.

* * *

**A/N:** MY CLASSES ARE FINALLY OVER FOR THE SEMESTER. *collapses from sleep deprivation because now there are final exams*

That being said, longer chapters, yes or no? Updates will probably be less frequent as a result, though. I also changed the summary of this story because ten chapters in, I finally realized it was not a very good summary at all. The continued story of how I suck, etc. etc.


	12. 12

**don't touch my hand and call it love  
**_you said it was over, and then cried and cried; you were gone before i said goodbye._

12.

* * *

There is nothing inadequate about the beds this inn provides, but despite that, Sasuke finds it difficult to sleep when he can hear Sakura's steady breaths from across the room.

What has gotten into him…?

Sasuke is more angry at himself than anything. Memory loss or not, he knows better than to just act based on his feelings—but that's exactly what he's been doing for a while now, and it gives him a new freedom that he never thought he'd get to experience. He hates what it's doing to him; like running down a steep slope, he just goes faster and faster until he can't stop, and sooner or later, he is going to crash and there are going to be huge repercussions.

Sakura is infuriating. Sasuke has all of these memories of her confessing his love for him, showing him affection, peeling him apples and making him lunch—it's almost as though the present Sakura is a completely different person from who she was in the past. Sasuke can't stand that she's not compliant anymore.

(But it's also proof of how much she's grown over the years, and how she didn't need him at all to do so. She's learned to live and be happy without him, and that just makes her radiant.)

Not being able to remember even a whisper of how he killed Itachi is frustrating. Sometimes, bits and pieces of his past leaks through into his mind—if he tries really hard, he can remember Naruto's loud voice. Sasuke snorts, thinking of how Naruto used to always use shadow clones, as though quantity will beat quality—and then his smile freezes and he wonders how he knows that in the first place.

If he can remember bits and pieces of Naruto, why can't he do the same for Itachi? Naruto is a blip in Sasuke's life; in the weeks he's known him, he's learned that Naruto is nothing more than your average shinobi, special only because he's the Kyuubi's vessel. Why would Sasuke have befriended him in the past? What is so outstanding about him?

Sakura, on the other hand—she is absolutely extraordinary. It disgruntles Sasuke to even think so, but it's true. To be skilled in both the art of healing and the art of destruction is already something Sasuke himself isn't able to achieve—not to mention her resilience against anything that comes her way. Sasuke can see why so many people like her.

What is he supposed to do now? Logically, he knows that he should be focusing on their current mission, and also on regaining his memory. There is no time for feelings or love—there's no room, no space left in his already blackened and shriveled heart for anything as hopeful as that.

And yet he still hopes. Like a tiny glimmer in the back of his mind, it stays there like a thorn in his side.

He wants her. He wants Sakura to be with him—her smile, her singsong voice, her positive personality—he knows this kind of desire can—_will—_destroy him eventually, but that is forgotten when he thinks about the feel of Sakura's lips sliding against his own. He touches his mouth, almost able to feel the residue warmth.

Why won't she just accept him?

—

It comes to no surprise to Sakura that the next morning is filled with tense silence.

What frustrates her the most is Sasuke's ability to completely shut down. As they have breakfast at the inn, Sasuke eats his food as if he didn't just kiss her last night, and she didn't just dislocate his jaw right afterwards.

What is he thinking? What is he feeling?

He catches Sakura staring at him, and he raises his eyebrow over his cup of tea. Clearing her throat, she looks away.

They eat in silence for several more minutes, before Sasuke says, "Tell me about Naruto."

Sakura's food stops partway to her mouth, and she puts her chopsticks down. "Why?"

Sasuke's eyes are blank. "_You_ tell _me_ why."

She spends several seconds in quiet thought, wondering what to say. Where does she even begin with Naruto? How can words even describe how extraordinary he is?

"You know he's the Kyuubi's vessel, right?" Sasuke nods. "Well, the villagers always had an attitude towards him as a kid and no one bothered to give him the time of day…and even I hated him at first, you know? But…" Sakura laughs softly to herself. "But he never gives up no matter how many people step all over him, and he eats so much ramen it makes me sick sometimes, and he always forgets to check the expiry date on milk cartons, and he's always thinking of others and training for hours on end to be able to keep Konoha safe, and…" Her eyes start watering, and she needs to take a breath before continue. "And he never loses faith in people. Especially you, Sasuke-kun—he never lost faith in you."

It's a moment before Sasuke answers, and when he does, it's: "Not all of those points sound like very appealing characteristics in a person."

Sakura laughs. "It's true. He's gross sometimes. And he's an idiot. But I love him because I can always count on him, you know? He's stupid enough to always be there for me, even when everyone else has escaped while they can."

Sasuke stares into his tea. "I think I know what that's like."

She smiles. "You should. Naruto has never seen you as anything less than a brother."

"A brother who, on several occasions, has betrayed his trust, threatened his life, and left his home?"

"Yeah." Sakura is about to laugh, but then stops. "Wait. How do you know that?"

"Sometimes I remember," Sasuke says. "Not solid memories, but bits and pieces of things. I have a notion of how things used to be, or how they should have been—just hunches, nothing I'm ever sure about. But how you describe Naruto is exactly how I think I might remember him to be."

Sakura thinks it's strange that Sasuke can remember fragments of Naruto when Tsunade confirmed that the jutsu in Sasuke's mind is infallible. "Well, that's good," she says with a smile. "I'm glad you have at least an inkling of Naruto in your mind. He'll be overjoyed to hear about it."

He scoffs. "An extra bowl of ramen has him overjoyed."

Her smile softens, muted by both the sadness of the situation and the fondness she has for Naruto. "Yeah, it does."

Regardless of the reason why tiny fragments of Naruto are in Sasuke's memory, Sakura is glad. Sasuke sees that clearly on her face, and he scoffs and looks away.

Her smile just gets bigger.

—

Back in Konoha, Naruto heaves a mighty sneeze that has Hinata squeaking and dropping her scroll.

"A-Are you okay, Naruto-kun?" she cautions as he rubs his nose, sniffing.

"Yeah," he replies. "It must be winter. The weather's finally getting to me."

Hinata laughs, a little nervously, and retrieves her fallen scroll. She continues to read it as she was before Naruto's momentous sneeze of the century, and Naruto returns to napping in the grass beside her. (He's long since discovered that he can't do anything productive when he's around her; he gets too distracted staring at her.)

After several moments, he cracks open an eye at her. Her eyes are focused intently on the scroll, the autumn breeze blowing through her hair. He's always known that Hinata's beautiful, but—man, she's just freaking gorgeous.

It's been several months since they've started dating, but they've kept it on the down low for Hinata's sake. That, and things have been so hectic since Sasuke returned that Naruto hasn't even been able to spend much time with her anyway. This is the first time they've been alone in two weeks; she's just recently returned from a reconnaissance mission, and he's finally had enough of getting his ass kicked by Sai during training to give it a rest for a few days.

When Hinata realizes he's staring at her, a faint blush rises to her cheeks. "Is something the matter?"

He shakes his head, smiling lazily at her. "Nope."

She rolls up the scroll and places it beside her. "You never did tell me about Sasuke."

At this, Naruto's eyes open fully to look at her. "Why do I have to tell you about Sasuke?"

Hinata's expression is knowing. "Because you spend a lot of time thinking about Sasuke, but the only person you can really talk to about him is Sakura. I don't think you've been comfortable with telling her anything you've been feeling lately, though—right?" She takes his lack of answer as an affirmative. "I know I'm not Sakura, but please don't forget that I'm here, too."

It takes a few moments for her words to sink in, but when they do, Naruto grins and sits up, pulling Hinata into an abrupt kiss. She squeaks in surprise against his mouth, and his smile just widens against her lips.

When he pulls away, she asks, breathless, "What was that for?"

"I don't know," he replies happily. "I just felt like it." Even if Sasuke never remembers him, maybe—just maybe, Naruto thinks—things will still be okay. As long as Hinata is still here.

His girlfriend smiles at him, widely. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He sighs, and settles himself back on the grass, his head in her lap. Her fingers absently play with his hair. "There's nothing much to talk about," he admits. "Sasuke doesn't remember me, cue angst. Sasuke remembers Sakura-chan, and is even trying to win her over, cue resentment."

"You don't think it's fair, but you don't think it's anyone's fault," Hinata supplies. "Talking to Sakura about these feelings will just make her feel guilty, and you don't want that. Right?"

Naruto nods.

Smiling gently down at him, Hinata says, "I think you just have to do what you do best."

"And what's that?" He nudges his head at her hand when her fingers come to a stop in his hair, and she laughs, resuming the petting.

"Stay resilient. You're in on the investigation on Sasuke's memory loss, right? Just do your best with that, and focus on the positive things. You're the one who taught me that, after all."

Logically, even though Naruto knows that this conversation with Hinata doesn't actually help anything, he still feels much more at ease. He closes his eyes, enjoying the feeling of her fingers in his hair. "You know what, Hinata-chan?"

"What?"

He's overcome with the urge to kiss her again, but decides against it. "You're the best."

They fall silent again, both of them absorbed in their own thoughts, before a large gust of wind and a swirl of leaves has a messenger at their feet. "Naruto," he says, "Hokage-sama has called for you."

"What for?" he grouses, grumpy that he's being pulled away when this is the first time he's seen Hinata in ages.

"You know I don't know that."

Naruto sighs and sits up, running a hand through his hair. "Sorry, Hinata-chan. I have to go."

"Don't worry about it." His girlfriend smiles, and she plucks a blade of grass from his shoulder. "I'll see you later?"

"Yeah." He leans in and pecks her once. "See you."

He leaves her reading her scroll in the field, feeling a little bit sour that he has to do so. Being a shinobi sucks sometimes, mostly because work pulls him away from all of the people he never wants to pull away from. And also because people die. And also because best friends desert him and turn against his village and then return out of the blue but conveniently forget everything about him.

Naruto sighs, wistfully. Maybe, once he's Hokage, this will all finally be worth it.

He walks into Tsunade's office without even knocking. She glares at him, but only briefly, before tossing a scroll at him. He catches it deftly and unties it.

Neji and Shikamaru are reading their own copies of the same scroll; Shikamaru leaning casually against the wall, and Neji standing straight as a pole, as usual. Naruto skims over the mission, but his interest starts to pique when he notices something.

"Isn't this the place Sakura and Sasuke went for their mission not too long ago?" Shikamaru says, voicing Naruto's thoughts.

"Yeah." Tsunade pauses, before sighing. "I was going to wait for Kakashi to arrive before I started explaining things, but I suppose that means we can be here all day. Basically—" She's interrupted by a puff of smoke. "You're late," she accuses Kakashi, who greets her with a crinkle-eyed smiled.

"Some pretty girls asked me for directions on my way here."

"Go to hell." The Hokage clears her throat, and continues. "Sasuke and Sakura were dispatched on a reconnaissance mission earlier this week. They've contacted me since then and informed me on the situation; Konoha will be in danger if enemy forces grow too big, which is why I've decided to preemptively strike. And I'm sending you four not only because you have the abilities of two ANBU platoons combined, but also because you might gain information pertinent to your other mission."

"So basically," Neji clarifies, "there is a small but quickly growing organization that, for unknown reasons, wants to attack our village? And, given less than a month, will be able to?"

"Yes."

The hints of a smirk tug at Neji's lips, and Naruto scowls. What a creepy guy. "Understood."

"Collect as much information as possible before getting rid of the enemy. But of course, the most important thing…" Tsunade trails off, because she says this every time she assigns a mission, and they all know how that sentence ends.

_Come back alive._

—

It is nearing lunch when Yuko appears out of nowhere in a puff of smoke, almost causing Sakura to squeak in surprise. The snake casts her a look, and Sakura has a hunch it's one of judgement.

"Hokage-sama has sent a team to back you up," she hisses softly at Sasuke, who holds his arm out to her. She crawls into his palm and then twists up his arm, finding a comfortable spot around his neck like a tiny, reptilian scarf. "Until then, keep an eye on things, and don't engage in any combat if you don't have to."

"One team?" Sakura echoes. "ANBU level, right?"

"She said they won't disappoint."

One ANBU platoon, along with her and Sasuke, should be enough for an ambush. Thinking logically, Sakura knows this—but she's still paranoid and afraid because this is her home at stake. What if something goes wrong? What if there's still a factor that they don't know about?

Briefly, Sakura closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

"When will they be here?" she asks Yuko when she opens her eyes again.

"Sometime tomorrow."

One day. They can handle one day. Sasuke pats the snake on the head with the pad of his finger before it puffs out of existence, leaving them alone once more.

"You're shaking," he points out, and she clenches her hands into fists to will herself to stop being afraid.

"You're not," she counters, and somehow her statement weighs much heavier.

"Even if Hokage-sama didn't send reinforcements, the two of us can most likely handle the ambush alone. I killed Deidara and Itachi. You killed Sasori. We're more than formidable." Sasuke says this impassively, as if it's a fact—and although it is, Sakura can't help but glow a little. Yes. She is indeed a little more than formidable.

"Do you want to train with me?" she asks. "I'm going to be restless until the others arrive tomorrow, and I want to stay sharp."

Sasuke shrugs. "Sure."

They finish their lunch in silence and walk together through the village and out the main gates. Their weapons pouches are strapped to their legs underneath their civilian clothes like they always are; right now, they look like nothing more than two people having a stroll outside of the village. Sakura almost wishes that they're nothing more than that.

"Are you okay?" she asks, keeping her eyes firmly on the dirt road. "You haven't spoken too much about…Itachi, since that day." _The day you burned the world down._ "Do you want to talk about it?"

"You're a medic, Sakura," Sasuke replies curtly. "Not a second rate psychiatrist."

"I'm also your friend," she points out, with less affection than she truly feels.

"Why is that, actually?" His question throws her off guard, and she glances over at him in surprise. "As far as I'm concerned, I've never treated you the way a friend should be treated. Why are you still here?"

Sakura tries to find the words to explain it—how she believes beyond everything he's said and done that there is truly someone in there worth seeing. Beyond that harsh exterior is someone who needs people with him no matter how much he pushes them away—because she's sure that somewhere inside Sasuke, there is still that terrified seven-year-old boy who collapsed in front of the corpses of his parents, unable to stop his tears.

"Because you need someone," she finally says. "And until you're able to remember Naruto, I guess I have to shoulder all of that responsibility myself."

Sasuke scoffs. "Has no one told you that you're too emotional?"

"Of course. Shinobi rule number twenty-five, right? A shinobi must not show emotions in any situation, and prioritize the mission at all times." She smiles wryly, remembering the time she cried over his body, thinking he was dead. "I was the worst at that. Still am, actually. Don't you think it's ironic, Sasuke-kun? That shinobi can also be medics. I am the biggest juxtaposition to exist."

They leave the village and follow the road. When they arrived here not too long ago, they passed a large, open field, suitable for training in. It's a cloudy afternoon; the autumn wind is even chillier like this.

"What made you want to be a shinobi?" Sasuke asks.

For a moment, Sakura wonders if she should answer. She's only ever told this to Ino and Naruto—and Iruka too, back when she was still in the academy. "My aunt and uncle were killed in the last war," she says quietly. "Back then, kunoichi were still scarce, never mind medics. I just wanted to protect people—no one deserves to feel the way I felt back then." She remembers tears, she remembers helplessness—and anger and betrayal and the feeling that the world is closing in on her and suffocating her.

Sasuke doesn't reply, but she supposes he doesn't have to. He understands what she means, more than anyone else. Sakura supposes that's the good thing about him—she never has to worry about him talking too much when she doesn't want him to.

They reach the field ten minutes later, the tall grass prickly against her ankles. Sakura strips off her civilian yukata wordlessly, her skin tight shinobi clothing underneath; she always wears it just in case something unexpected happens. When she turns back to face Sasuke, he's done the same—he's wearing a black mesh shirt and loose fitting pants. He already has his katana in his hand and is crouched in a defensive stance.

Unsure of how this training session could potentially end (_both excited and afraid_), Sakura shoots forward, her fist already glowing with chakra.

—

She barely misses the fireballs shooting past her, so hot on her skin that she might actually suffer from burns. She does several flips on the ground, grass stabbing into her palms, before landing a safe distance away from Sasuke, who's predicting her next move.

It's clear that he does not intend to go easy on her just because he has feelings for her. For the past hour, they've been training relentlessly, not even stopping to catch their breath or for a drink of water. Sasuke truly lives up to his reputation; she's barely hanging on, sometimes on the verge of losing their spar altogether.

But that doesn't mean she doesn't have a thing or two up her sleeves. Her poisons are sitting patiently in the pack strapped around her waist—she doesn't intend to use them since he might actually die if she doesn't heal him quick enough, but they're always there as a last resort. There are some fissures in the ground from her fearsome chakra control, but she hasn't done any real damage yet; other than being sweaty and dirty with a few scratches here and there, Sasuke is unscathed.

But not for long.

She charges forward with her fist bared like she has several times before, all of which she has missed. Her fist is green with her chakra, almost greener than her eyes—eyes that watch Sasuke's movements carefully. She feints to the left—he leaps to the right. In the last moment, she propels herself to the right as well; her fist unravels in an attempt to reach for him, but only her fingertips brush his arm.

He lands several feet away, almost looking disappointed at her lack of strategy. Sakura waits.

It only takes two heartbeats for Sasuke's eyes to widen.

In the last moment before her fingers touched him, she remolded her chakra to something much more precise, doing it so quickly that he couldn't possibly have caught it even with his Sharingan unless he was paying close attention. In that moment, her chakra became an extension of her fingers, cutting not flesh, but nerves.

She's just rendered his right arm useless.

"Now you can't form your stupid jutsu anymore," she huffs, returning to a standing position and brushing her hands off. "Those were kind of annoying." Sasuke looks disgruntled, but impressed.

"Fine. But I can do more than just jutsu."

And they're at it again.

Sparring with Sasuke is exhilarating, breathtaking—she's never truly seen him fight before, so to watch him move with such grace, even with a limp arm, is simply extraordinary. It's a shame that she has to concentrate on not getting killed, because otherwise, she would spend every available moment analyzing his movements and battle tactics.

They continue until Sakura is sure her legs will give out from beneath her. Every muscle is screaming and burning, but Sasuke isn't much better. He's on the last of his chakra reserves, and one of his kidneys is failing; he may not look too roughed up, but all of his injuries are internal and much more severe than external injuries.

(_So even when he finally holds a kunai to her throat, both of them panting heavily, she can't help but grin with pride. Because she put up a fight. She made him struggle._)

"Okay," she finally concedes, holding up her arms in surrender. "You win."

Sasuke pulls away and pockets his kunai. He's panting. She flops onto the grass, the air chilly on her damp skin. She feels good. She feels refreshed.

He sits down beside her, and after a moment of brief hesitation, he asks, "Can you please heal me?"

She glances at him. "Did you just say please?"

"…Yes."

She smiles, widely, and sits up. Her chakra levels are already too low for her liking, but he said _please_. "Okay." They shift so she has better access to him, and her hands begin glowing green. "Let me fix your kidney first, or you might actually die. Can you lay down for me?" He flops to the ground, a little gracelessly, because he still has no control over one of his arms, and she does her best to stifle her giggles.

She pushes up his mesh shirt (most likely unwearable now as it has more tears in it than it has holes) and feels his left side. Sasuke winces. "It hurts there?"

"Yeah."

Sakura revives his kidney before having him sit up and reconnecting the nerves in his arm. "It'll be a few hours before it'll return to full function though, so don't push yourself."

"This is your fault in the first place," he mutters, giving his arm a few experimental movements.

"Okay," she says, "and who's the one who gave me these?" She points to her leg, which is swelling with ugly red blisters thanks to second degree burns. She was initially going to heal it, but she isn't sure if she has enough chakra for it now. It goes pretty deep, and there's a lot of damaged tissue to fix.

He shrugs. "We laid down no rules. Everything was fair game."

"Yeah," she says, glancing pointedly at his arm. "Everything was fair game. Stop complaining like you're some civilian."

"If I continue complaining, will you give me special treatment?"

Sakura raises her eyebrow at Sasuke's creepily insinuative comments. Is he flirting with her? "No." He turns away, a bit of a pout sitting on his lips. She gapes.

It takes her several moments to recover before she clears her throat and pats his shoulder. "I've healed all the major injuries. The rest will get better on its own. Let's go back to the village and get some rest—the others will be here tomorrow." It takes her a moment to get to her feet, and when she does, she's wobbly; it's hard to notice anything but the painful burn all over her leg.

Sasuke holds her by her shoulders to keep her steady. "Why don't you heal yourself?"

She shakes her head. "Not enough chakra. I'll do it tomorrow morning." She smiles ironically at him. "I've always been good at conserving my chakra and using it in moderation, but I guess I had to go all out on you."

"As it should be," he says, vainly.

(But he holds her, keeps her steady and helps her walk all the way back to the village.)

—

Shikamaru used to hate being bothered when at home, but now, he isn't so sure anymore.

It's Ino who's at his door, a bottle of wine in her hands. He raises an eyebrow in question, opening the door wider to let her in. "Mission tomorrow, right?" she says, heading straight towards his kitchen and grabbing two wine glasses. She has come over with a bottle of wine so many times that she knows where he stores his wine glasses better than he does.

"Yeah. Backing Sakura and Sasuke up."

"Will it be hard?"

"Maybe. I don't know. I'm not the captain this time around so I haven't thought much about it." They settle on the couch like they always do, watching the television, but not really seeing.

"You shouldn't stop thinking, you know," Ino tuts, handing him his glass of wine. "It defines you."

He swirls the dark liquid in the glass, thinking about how he'd rather be having a smoke instead. "Yeah, well. Not like it's done me much good."

Ino is quiet after that, just drinking her wine. Shikamaru knows why she comes over, even if it's under the pretense of babbling about her life or talking about boys or Sakura or the flower shop. She comes because she's worried—because they're all worried—but Shikamaru doesn't know how to ease their hearts. It's been years, and he still doesn't know how to pretend he's okay.

"Sakura and Sasuke," she says after several minutes of silence, refilling her glass. "Do you think they'll work out?"

"Do you want them to?" Shikamaru asks, rhetorically, because he already knows the answer.

"I don't know," she answers anyway. "I want whatever is best for Sakura."

"I don't think what's best for her is an either-or outcome of whether or not she works things out with Sasuke," he says, finally taking a drink of his wine. It burns all the way down to his stomach. "I think it's how she sees it."

"What do you mean?"

He places his glass on the coffee table because he doesn't foresee himself drinking any more. (He's never been much of a drinker, and yet Ino always insists with the alcohol.) "The way I see it, there are four ways this could happen." He holds up one finger. "The first is that she gives in to her feelings and to Sasuke, but she spends an eternity feeling afraid and guilty because of it." He holds up another finger. "The second is she resists her feelings, and spends an alternate eternity wondering about the what-ifs and could-have-beens. In both of these options, she loses."

"Okay," Ino says, nodding slowly. "Those are the only options I've ever thought of. What are the other two?"

"Number three." A third finger. "Sakura doesn't give in to her feelings, but accepts them. She accepts Sasuke and forgives herself for it. Or number four: she moves on, she doesn't regret, and she finds happiness elsewhere." Shikamaru would much rather Sakura come to one of these conclusions. "In these two outcomes, she wins."

Ino snuggles more into the cushions, cradling her glass of wine in her hands. "How come you can see a victory for Sakura, but not for yourself?"

It's not that he can't see. Shikamaru can see perfectly well. A world where he wins is a world where he'll stop blaming himself for Asuma's death. A world where he wins is one where he's able to reconcile with the monsters that live in his mind. But seeing and doing are completely different things—it's not a matter of just getting off his ass and doing it. You can't change your feelings just because you have the determination to.

"There are no victories for me," he tells her. "No matter what I do, I'm destined to lose."

"No," she says, voice laced with more heartbreak than he thinks is fair. "You can win, Shikamaru. You just have to let us help you."

But there's no helping him, is there? He's on his own. He'll always be on his own.

"Like you said, I have a mission tomorrow." He stands from the couch and turns off the television. He didn't even notice that the next program had started. "I should turn in for the night."

Ino is reluctant, but she gets up anyway. Over the years, she's said everything that she's wanted to say and could possibly say—there are no more words, no more empty comforts to whisper in his ear. So she just pulls him into a long hug, so tight it's almost suffocating. "Come back safe," she says, like she always does when he leaves for a mission.

He hugs her back halfheartedly, one arm wrapping loosely around her waist. "Yeah. Protect the village while I'm gone."

"That goes without saying." She pulls away and smiles at him, and for a moment, he feels a surge of warmth.

It's the small victories, he supposes.

—

It's quiet between Sasuke and Sakura for the rest of the evening. Sasuke buys dinner and they eat in the privacy of their room, with no one to please. Sakura is resting on her bed, recuperating her energy and gingerly keeping her injured leg from doing anything.

For a while, Sakura thinks that Sasuke might try something on her now, especially because she's in a weaker position—but never once does he loom too close, or ask any uncomfortable questions. All there is tonight is a silence that has her breathing easy; a type of silence that, she realizes, is difficult to come across with Sasuke. So rarely does she ever feel completely at ease when she's with him.

What is he thinking about right now? Is he thinking anything at all? (_She hopes he isn't. She hopes he's resting his mind in addition to his body; it's a big day tomorrow. Right now is the calm before the storm._)

The idea of the approaching day no longer terrifies Sakura, but she's still anxious. Their actions will determine the future of her home, and that doesn't sit well with her. What if they fail? What if, by some sick stroke of luck, the enemy stands victorious? That thought is so foreboding that it has shivers running up Sakura's spine.

She stares down at her leg, red and swelling and stinging. It occurs her that she has some ointment in her pack that can ease the pain for the time being. She glances at where her pack is, on the table across the room—heaves a sigh, and slowly gets off the bed and limps over.

Sasuke exits the bathroom in that moment, wearing casual clothes and toweling his hair dry. He's silent as he watches her rummage through her pack, supporting her weight on her good leg. "Do you need help?" he offers, with hesitation.

"No," she replies distractedly, pushing through the vials of poisons and common antidotes, each of them labeled clearly and carefully. "Just looking for something…" He brushes past her to his own bed, and for a moment, she catches a whiff of his scent, mixed with soap and shampoo. Unbeknownst to herself, she breathes him in and savors him.

She jolts herself out of her reverie when her fingers finally grasp the small container of ointment at the very bottom of her pack. A sigh escapes her lips as she hobbles back to her bed. She's exhausted. Her muscles ache, and it's only going to hurt more later on.

"Are you sure you don't need help?"

"I'm not a damsel in distress, Sasuke-kun. I can tend to my own injuries just fine."

"It's just," Sasuke sounds unsure, "I just. Want to do what I can."

Sakura blinks, and after a moment, smiles. "Thanks. But I really am okay—you don't have to worry about me. You've never worried before."

"I'm different from I was back then."

_You are,_ she thinks sadly, and she hates herself for being more upset with this change than she is happy about it. This Sasuke cares about her so much more, and it's painfully ironic that it takes a memory wipe for that to happen.

She can see that he's still struggling with this change. All of his actions are overlapped with uncertainty, as if he doesn't remember what it's like to be concerned about someone, what to do when he wants to help someone. How is one supposed to react to affection? How does one let a person know that she is loved?

Sasuke, she thinks, is the saddest person she knows, and he doesn't even know how sad he is. He is so sad and she's hopelessly in love with him.

"If you want to be helpful," she says quietly, "you can start by making amends. Apologize to those you've hurt in the past. Do your best to remember Naruto and spend your lost days with him. That's the only thing you can do right now." Sasuke doesn't answer, but he looks deep in thought. "You can't just take and take—it's about time you started giving back."

"Okay," he finally says. "I will do that once we return. I'm…" He hesitates. "I'm sorry for trying to push you into something you didn't want."

"Oh," she says with surprise. "It's okay. Just understand when no means no." It's not that she doesn't want it—of course she wants it—but she supposes Sasuke doesn't know that. And maybe it's better that way—maybe it'll be easier to pretend that way.

As she's applying ointment to her burn, Sasuke turns off his bedside lamp and lies down on his pillow. "I'm sleeping. You should sleep soon too."

"Yeah. I will." She stares at her leg in the dim light, thinking that her entire life is just a severe burn inflicted by Sasuke that she's constantly trying to recover from. Maybe she'll heal one day, but the scars are never going to go away.

It's not long later that she turns off her light and goes to sleep as well, on top of her covers because she can't stand anything touching her sensitive skin.

It's been a long day. It'll be an even longer day tomorrow.

—

She's hardly able to jolt out of her own slumber before a kunai strikes down, stabbing the mattress where her shoulder used to be.

"Sasuke-kun!"

"I know!" Sasuke is already on his feet, his katana unsheathed. He's facing two masked shinobi, the third who was very close to stabbing Sakura.

It takes a moment for it to click. _We're being ambushed?_

She has no time to think before she springs to her feet, avoiding the enemy's next attack. Pain shoots up her leg, and she swears, loudly. She's forgotten about that.

Her weapons pouch is on the table across the room, along with the rest of her supplies. She turns to her enemy; he's several feet taller than her, with broad shoulders and a very large build. Sakura can only see the outline of him in the dark, but it's good enough; she charges her fist with chakra (still low, still not quite enough), but before she gets a chance to punch, he grabs both her arms and spins her, holding them tight behind her back. She redirects her chakra flow to her foot instead, but he delivers a swift kick to her injured leg. To keep in her scream, she nearly bites through her tongue. The metallic taste of blood in her mouth makes her slightly nauseous.

"Take it easy, will ya?" the shinobi says with a low, gravelly voice in her ear. "It's not like we want to kill you."

"Doesn't seem like a friendly visit either," she hisses, spitting out a mouthful of blood.

He chuckles. (_She can still hear the clashing of metal in the room, Sasuke's swift attacks—if she concentrates, she might be able to imagine him move, the way he did earlier today._) "You guys don't exactly seem nice though, snooping around and investigating us."

Dammit. _Dammit. _How did it become like this? She was supposed to be on the winning side—she wasn't supposed to be neutralized, held down by a burly man who's probably several ranks too low to even touch her.

"Just sleep for a while, won't you?" In the moonlight, she sees the gleam of a syringe, filled with a colorless liquid. Her eyes widen and she begins to struggle, but with such low levels of chakra, an injured leg and very aching bones from the training session (a stupid idea in retrospect, a very, very stupid idea), she's unable to break free of the man's hold.

"Sasuke-kun," she croaks out weakly as the syringe pierces the skin of her neck, cold and sharp and feeling like terror and disappointment all rolled up into one. "Sasuke-kun!"

The last thing she sees is Sasuke running towards her, but being pulled back and having his arm broken as an enemy shinobi takes it and snaps it like he's made of nothing more than sheets of paper wrapped around brittle glass.

* * *

**A/N:** (And maybe that's really all he's made of.)

So this is me being put to the test: how well can I write, edit, and proofread while being sleep deprived and more stressed than I have been in my entire life? I've always hated it when writers used real life as the reason for not updating, but now I know it really is the reason (when being uninspired is not the case). I keep on wishing I could go back and fix so many things with this fic because the more I think about it, the less I like it. But. That may just be the exhaustion talking, who knows.

Like I've said several times before, if you think there's a way for me to improve this story, please let me know! I've lost a lot of my confidence as a writer in the past months.


	13. 13

**don't touch my hand and call it love**  
_you said it was over, and then cried and cried; you were gone before i said goodbye._

13.

* * *

In Sakura's perfect life, everything would be normal. Everything would be routine.

She's thought about it so many times that she knows exactly what she wants. It's nothing grand; she'll go to work, have lunch with Naruto, tea with Ino, spar with Sai, go on missions with Kakashi—things that seem so boring have, in her chaotic and unpredictable life, become a luxury.

(_And in her perfect life, Sasuke would come home, and he would be okay. Sakura wouldn't prefer him to have never left at all, because she would have never grown otherwise. She would have been twelve for the rest of her life, and he would've been angry and broken and never looked at her twice. Sakura does not hate that Sasuke left—but she hates that his return is not the one she wanted._)

In Sakura's perfect life, Sasuke would be happy.

She doesn't care if he loves her or if they get married or if they just remain as distant teammates—none of that matters, because she's learned to find her own happiness.

But the thing that makes Sakura's perfect life perfect, is the fact that Sasuke is happy.

If he is not happy, then her life is not perfect.

—

Sakura is abruptly woken up with a bucket of water to her face.

Someone grabs her hair and yanks so he can get a better look at her face. "Who's this?"

"No clue. Never seen her before. A chuunin, maybe?"

_Chuunin my ass,_ she thinks bitterly, although she can't deny that she's grateful for being forced to dye her hair. The pink would have given her away immediately.

"Idiot." The first man whacks the second over the top of the head. "Why would a chuunin be with _the_ Uchiha Sasuke? And anyway, why the hell is Uchiha Sasuke affiliated with Konoha again?"

"I-I don't know! Why are you asking me?"

"Because _you're_ one of the people who's responsible for gathering information, you idiot!"

Well, Sakura thinks, at least they're disorganized. They'll be easier to destroy later.

The first shinobi turns to her again, and without hesitation, slaps her across the face. Sakura gapes in pure shock—she hasn't even said anything yet.

"Who are you?" he demands. "What are you doing here?"

She's tied to a chair, and upon some struggling, she realizes that there are also chakra seals on her binds. "So persistent," she bites out. "At least take me to dinner first."

The shinobi scowls, and hits her again. Sakura coughs, spitting out blood. "Don't be difficult. We'd rather you not be difficult."

"Who are you guys?" she demands. "Why are you planning to attack Konoha? You were once a shinobi there too." This shinobi is old, she thinks—Kakashi's age, maybe. Around his arm is his Konoha hitai-ate, thoroughly scratched out.

He scowls. "Do you think you're really in the position to be asking me questions?" He turns to the second shinobi, and says, "Go see what the progress on Uchiha Sasuke is."

Sakura laughs as the second man scurries out of the room—partially because she's exhausted and delirious, she's sure, because at the same moment, icy fear also grips her heart so hard that she finds it difficult to breathe. "You're never going to get anything out of Sasuke-kun."

"Sasuke-kun? Sasuke-_kun_? What is he, your _boyfriend_?"

"Are you jealous?" she asks—and he kicks her, right in the gut, hard enough for her chair to topple over onto its side. Sakura's head bashes against the hard ground, and for a moment, she sees stars.

"Noisy bitch," he mutters, before stalking out of the room.

Now, on top of being drained with chakra and having an injured leg, Sakura is also sore in other places, with a very painful headache. It takes her a moment to gather herself together, and when she does, she takes a deep breath, trying to ignore the painful throbbing in her head. There are goosebumps on her skin, and the air she's breathing in is damp—they're underground. Most likely in the base that's underneath the village.

Another deep breath. Okay. She can do this.

"What's the status?" he hears the man bark to someone else outside of the room.

"As expected of Uchiha Sasuke. He hasn't said a word."

Have they been torturing Sasuke? Have they been treating him the same way they've been treating her? At this thought, Sakura struggles against her bonds again. Chakra seals be damned—she's going to break free of these, even if it's the last thing she does.

"Should I kill the girl, sir?"

"Not yet. She can't possibly just be a nobody if she's with Uchiha. See if you can get anything out of her."

Someone enters the room, but it's not the same person as before. Sakura glares up at him with as much poison as she can muster, and he kneels down, inspecting her face closely. "Your eyes are very green," he murmurs, holding her chin to keep her steady. "Where have I seen those eyes before?" He thinks for a moment more, before picking her up and setting her chair straight. He doesn't look as tough as the first shinobi, but his expression is more guarded, his eyes more calculating. As a kunoichi, it did not take Sakura long to learn that it is not those with trained bodies that are frightening, but those with trained minds.

He places his hands on his hips, tutting. "Well," he says, "you can answer the questions I have for you, and then I can kill you quickly—what is what I prefer, because then my clothes won't be stained with your blood. Or," he pauses for dramatic effect, "I can slowly pull every single answer out of you. Which would you prefer?"

"Go die in a hole," Sakura spits out.

He sighs and pulls a senbon out of his pouch, stepping close and kneeling in front of her. His eyes are grey and speckled, and under different circumstances, Sakura would think that they're beautiful.

"Well then," he says softly, holding up his senbon and looking thoughtfully at it, "how should I make you hurt?"

—

Sasuke spends what feels like an eternity in silence before he hears the screams.

They're not loud because she's so far away, but he can clearly distinguish her voice—it's Sakura. It's Sakura's screams.

There are two shinobi in the room with him, but after their initial failed attempt to crack him open, they let him be. Right now, they're keeping watch—but they're probably chuunin, jounin at most. If Sasuke really tried, escaping shouldn't be difficult—but easy or not, he and Sakura are outnumbered, and Sakura in no condition to fight. The best thing to do right now is just wait for reinforcements to come.

He can't help but smirk. If they think they're going to get anything out of Sakura, they're wrong.

(_But her screams still rub on him the wrong way—it reminds him of the night she screamed at him, begged him to stay, cried her throat hoarse for him—_)

They just have to wait this out. Sasuke wonders if he's going to spend the next several hours listening to agony being engraved in Sakura's very bones. He closes his eyes and focuses on keeping his mind blank; a trick he picked up during his days with Orochimaru. He does his best to believe that Sakura would not want to be saved—she is not the damsel in distress, she does not need Sasuke's help to get out of her situation.

It's hard, he thinks. To know the person you care about is hurting, and not being able to do anything about it.

(_Is this how she felt every night since he left?_)

"Who is she?" one of the shinobi asks. "Just out of curiosity." Sasuke opens his eyes and glares at him. He hasn't said a word since they brought him here, and he doesn't intend to start. "Not for interrogation purposes"—and here, the man smirks a little—"you've just been on edge ever since her screaming started."

Sasuke doesn't realize that he's completely tensed up. He forces himself to uncurl his fists and take a slow, deep breath.

"If you tell us what we want to know, we'll stop torturing her."

And then they'd kill her.

"You know, when you refused to join our forces, I thought it was because you wanted to do things your own way. Why are you getting in our way now? We have the same goal."

At this, all thoughts of Sakura disappear—he even stops noticing her cries of agony. "What?"

"Oh, he speaks!"

"What are you talking about," he demands, his throat dry.

"What are _you_ talking about?" The shinobi swaggers forward, hands on his hips. "A long time ago, we asked you to join us since we're aiming for the same thing. You said you didn't want our help, and you'd finish the job before we'd even be able to start. What happened to that?"

This is something he doesn't remember—Sasuke has never even had an inkling of something like this.

"What goal?" he snarls. "What was I trying to do?"

The shinobi crouches down and stares at Sasuke with confusion. "What happened to you?" he asks, voice low. "Where did all of your hatred go?" He stands up again and circles around Sasuke slowly. "The last time I saw you, you had the most beautiful hatred burning in your eyes." He leans down over Sasuke's shoulder, his breath hot and disgusting against his cheek. "Hatred against, Konoha, that is."

Hatred against Konoha? What was he talking about?

"The look on your face…" Realization dawns on the shinobi. "You really have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?" He quickly rushes out of the room, dragging the other shinobi with him.

Sasuke hears them speaking in low voices just outside. "Does he suffer from memory loss? Is that why he's with Konoha again—because he has no idea what's happened?"

What happened? What happened that Sasuke doesn't remember? What has Konoha done?

…Was it Konoha that wiped his memory?

—

"Stop it, you're going to kill her before you even get anything out of her."

"She's not budging anyway."

Sakura's face is soaked with tears, although she doesn't consciously remember crying. It's just a response her body had to the pain.

(_She thinks back to a long time ago, when Sai once told her that Root members actually had to go through interrogation training. When she asked him what interrogation training was, he had said that they were given a piece of information, and had to survive twenty-four hours of torture without giving away what they were told. She thought it was horrible at the time, but now she wishes she went through it too—so she'd know how to deal with this better than just unconsciously crying._)

How long has it been? One hour? Two? Sakura isn't sure—every passing moment feels like an eternity. Her head is throbbing, and everything hurts—she can't distinguish one injury from another. One of her eyes are swollen; she can't see past her eyelid.

What about Sasuke? What have they done to him?

She tries to pull free of her bonds. She's not sure if her arms even move.

It takes Sakura several moments to realize that when the chains fall from her arms and legs, it's not because she was strong enough to break free—it's because she's being untied. Two shinobi yank her to her feet—she takes one step, and her knees give out from under her. If the two weren't holding her steady, she would have crashed to the ground.

"Where are you taking me?" she asks, her voice no louder than a whisper. If they hear her, they don't show it. They bring her down the tunnel, lit by torches dug into the dirt walls, into another room.

"Here's your girlfriend, Uchiha." She's tossed to the ground, and she lies in a heap, staring in some direction, but not with Sasuke in her line of sight. She doesn't even have the energy to get up. "Tell us how many more of you there are out there, and you won't end up in the same state as her." Silence. "Okay, then how about this…" She's yanked up by her hair, and she feels the coldness of a blade pressing against her throat, slicing her skin and already drawing blood. "Tell us and we won't kill her."

Silence again, and Sakura's blood runs cold, but then: "None. No one else is coming—we were just dispatched on a recon mission. We weren't prepared for an ambush like this."

The shinobi drops her head, and when a tone of distaste, says, "Idiot. That's what you two kept silent for?"

They would've killed them either way. And this way, they bought more time—because of course Sasuke's lying. Of course others are coming. These people really are stupid to think that he would tell the truth.

"What do we do with them now?"

"I don't know. We should ask the boss."

Sakura is slipping in and out of consciousness so she can't quite follow what's happening, but the next time she hears something, it's Sasuke's voice. "Sakura. Can you hear me? Sakura."

"Hi," she mumbles, weakly.

"Can you stand?"

"Don't think so…" She tries to move. Nothing does. "No."

Sasuke doesn't answer her, but she hears a puff of a jutsu, the sound of chains dropping, and suddenly—warmth against her icy skin, being lifted up, cradled against his chest. "Let's get out of here," he says quietly. "They're going to kill you if we stay here any longer." She winces as he jostles her. Are those broken bones? She can't be sure. "My arm is broken, Sakura—try to move for me. Get on my back."

"It'd be safer to wait for backup to get here," she says. Her voice is raspy.

"It won't be safer for you."

"There are too many of them, Sasuke-kun—you can't do anything if you have me with you."

Sasuke balances her on her knees and turns, baring his back to her. "Yes," he agrees, "but I would rather you not die. Now get on."

"I'm not a damsel in distress," she protests.

"I know. But to put it bluntly, you're useless right now, and I would like to see the look on their faces when you're able to kick their asses." She looks up at him, and she wonders what it is that she's seeing in his eyes. Affection, maybe. Tenderness. Something large and unidentifiable wells up in her stomach, and she almost wants to be a damsel in distress.

She swallows. "Okay." Very slowly and with much pain, she gets onto his back. Sasuke stands and manages to support her with his one good arm, and she does her best to hold onto him, too. He motions for her to be quiet, and slips out the door.

"Hey, isn't that—"

"It's Uchiha and that girl! They've escaped!"

"Who even left them alone, those idiots!"

Sakura closes her eyes (since she can't see out of one of them anyway) and lets Sasuke do the work. Everything still hurts as he runs dodges attacks, but she does her best not to show it. She's not the one fighting right now, after all. She relishes his warmth against her cheek—she didn't realize how cold she was until she felt him against her skin.

"Hah, look at her. I really did a number on her, didn't I?"

"Is she even alive?"

"Sakura." Sasuke's voice is low and slightly menacing in her ear. "Is that the person who did this to you?"

She forces her eyes open.

(_"Who did this to you?"_)

"I think so."

He places her gently on the ground, leaning her against the wall. "Don't move." She watches as he straightens up and faces the two enemies.

(_Ugly marks marring his skin and even uglier chakra leaking from him like a parasite, like a plague of poison and hatred._)

"Uchiha Sasuke protecting his little girlfriend. That's pathetic. I liked you more when you wanted to destroy everything in your path."

A burst of light. Scorching heat. Not enough time for even a scream.

(_A strangled shout as an arm snaps in two._)

Sakura sees two corpses, burnt to a crisp, falling to the ground. She smells cooked meat.

"Come on." He kneels down in front of her, and she gets onto his back—and they're running again. She wants to run with him forever, she realizes—as far and as fast as they can, never looking back. As long as they're holding onto each other and staying together the entire time, it doesn't matter where they go or how long they go for—Sakura just wants to have adventures and run for her life with Sasuke. She wants to move in sync with him the way she does with Naruto and Sai and Kakashi, she wants him to have her back the way she has is—she wants to be able to trust him with her life.

And it hits her—suddenly, like kick to the gut, as Sasuke races through the tunnels, so fast that she almost finds it difficult to breathe—that she does. She trusts him. She didn't trust him at first, when he returned—and then she was too busy trying to keep him at arm's length and protecting him all at the same time to realize, but—yes. Yes.

Sakura trusts Sasuke with her life.

Being with him now, letting him protect her not because she's incapable, but because he's making up for her shortcomings the way she makes up for his, makes it clearer than day.

Sasuke is different from before. Sasuke is so much better than before—Sasuke is so much better for _her_ than before. And she doesn't mean before he knocked her out and left her to freeze on the bench on that fateful night; she means he's better than he was yesterday, he's better than he was two weeks ago, when he was blindly trying to take her heart by force. He's grown and he doesn't even realize it.

Feeling a new surge of energy, she clutches to him tighter. "Sasuke-kun," she says in his ear. "Jump up."

"What?"

"Jump up. These tunnels are too complex to find a way out of quickly—we should just take a shortcut."

Sasuke stops in his tracks. There are still echoing shouts as more enemies close in on them. "Do you even have enough chakra?" he asks, the doubt clear in his voice.

"Just do it!" They're surrounded now, the shinobi armed and ready to attack, even though they wouldn't stand a chance against them if they were in good condition.

There's nowhere to run. Sasuke grits his teeth and jumps, giving them an extra push with chakra. Sakura reaches up and her fist meets the ground above them, and everything crumbles, like shattered hopes and dreams.

And suddenly there is light above them, the sunrise that's starting a new day. Sakura has to squint, but she feels cold wind against her skin, breathes fresh air into her lungs—nothing has ever felt as new as everything does in this moment.

They've come out just outside of the village, and Sasuke just runs—leaps through trees, going south, back in the direction of Konoha.

Sakura closes her eyes, feeling safe on his back.

—

When she comes to, it is midday.

"Sit up." She barely registers Sasuke forcing her into a sitting position. With half-lidded eyes, she sees him holding out a canteen to her, nudging it against her lips; she opens her mouth and tilts her head back, and he slowly pours the water down her throat. It's sweeter than anything she's ever tasted in her life. "How do you feel?" he asks her.

"Better than before," she says, although she isn't sure what that means, exactly. She still hurts everywhere. "You don't look so good either."

"I look better than you, trust me." Sasuke takes a drink from the canteen as well. "You've regained some chakra, right? You should heal yourself."

"I'll fix your arm first—"

"Heal yourself, Sakura." His eyes are hard, and perhaps a little worried. She can't be sure.

She smiles. "Okay."

Her chakra levels aren't full yet, but they're already much better than they were hours ago. She starts with her internal injuries first—the bruising, the fractured bones—and then her eye, and then her burned leg. All of that takes some time, and Sasuke's eyes never leave her even once.

"What are you thinking about?" she asks, standing up to test her body. She wobbles at first, but manages to keep her balance. She's still tired, but at least she's not a broken doll anymore.

"Nothing," he replies. "I'm just"—he pauses, as if unsure—"I'm just glad you're okay."

After testing out all four of her working limbs, she sinks back down into the grass again, on her knees and gingerly inspecting his arm. "I'm glad I'm okay too," she says. "I'm glad we're both okay." And although she won't say it, she's very, very glad that he refused to leave her behind. "Sasuke-kun, I'm going to have to move your arm; there are bone fragments in your flesh and the angle that the broken bone is from the main bone is too large for me to heal."

"Okay."

"You should probably find something to bite onto. It's going to hurt."

"I've experienced pain before, Sakura—just do it."

Sakura sighs, and pulls off one of her fingerless gloves. Sasuke looks at it with distaste. "Bite on it, Sasuke-kun. You're really going to need it." They stare at each other for a long moment, before he finally concedes, taking the glove and placing it between his teeth. "I'm going to count to three, okay?" He nods. "One…two…"

She does her best to slip into her medic mode, detached and unaffected by her patient's response, but as expected, it's difficult when it comes to Sasuke. His entire body tenses and he bites on her glove to keep any sign of weakness bottled up inside as she shifts the broken bone. She heals him as quickly and cleanly as he can; reattaching bone and moving bone fragments. She can't piece together such intricate puzzles like that—the best she can do is maneuver them so it'll stop hurting and his flesh will grow around them. His arm is never going to be the same again.

"Done," she finally says after what feels like forever. She reaches out and gently pulls the glove from his mouth, and brushes his bangs from his forehead, covered with a thin sheen of sweat. "I'm sorry about that."

"I'm fine," he says, but he doesn't swat her hand away.

"Your arm will be weak for a while. Don't strain it too much." He nods.

Sakura shifts closer on her knees, subtly numbing the sore area so he won't have to suffer more than he already has. If he knew what she did, he'd probably snap at her.

"I'm sorry I wasn't much help back there," she says, sheepishly.

He shakes his head. "It's fine. We shouldn't have trained the way we did—it attracted attention and drained too much of our energy. I should have known. I should have been more careful—"

"You shouldn't blame yourself for everything, Sasuke-kun."

"I wouldn't have made a mistake like that before."

"You're different now, remember?" She smiles gently. "Everyone makes mistakes—nobody's going to hold them against you except yourself." Sasuke doesn't look like he believes her. Of course he wouldn't; that's not the kind of person he is, memory loss or not. "Thank you, by the way. For not leaving me behind."

"We're teammates. How can I leave you behind?"

Tears almost well up in Sakura's eyes. Struggling to swallow the lump in her throat, she leans forward, and very softly, presses her lips against his forehead.

Sasuke stares at her with hard eyes, trying to analyze her and take her apart. "What was that?"

"That was me." She leans in again and his eyes flutter shut as she kisses his eyelid. "Giving in."

She can be brave. She can be brave for Sasuke. She can be brave _with_ Sasuke.

"I…" His voice is quiet. "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything."

"I feel like I should."

Sasuke has apologized to her. Sasuke has proven himself to her—there's nothing more for him to say. She smiles at him and sits down cross-legged beside him. "Now we wait for backup to get here, right? Then we go back and kick ass."

"Yeah. I've already sent Yuko to fetch them. Until then, you should rest."

"You need to rest too! As your medic, I prescribe lots of sleep for you." She smiles. "I've already had my nap; it's your turn."

Sasuke looks unsure for a moment, but then he finally sighs. "Alright." He looks exhausted; dark circles under his eyes, movements slow and sluggish.

Sasuke lies down on the grass and closes his eyes. Sakura watches him fondly, her hand hovering over his hair for a brief moment, wondering if she should touch it—and changes her mind at the last moment.

There will be time for all of that. For now, she needs to keep watch and keep Sasuke safe until the others come.

* * *

**A/N:** The theme song for this fic that I never knew existed up until now: Christina Perri's _A Thousand Years_.

Throwing myself a party because I finally have a few chapters written in advance. Thanks to everyone for their kind words last chapter! I hope you guys like how Sakura and Sasuke are finally falling together.


	14. 14

**don't touch my hand and call it love  
**_you said it was over, and then cried and cried; you were gone before i said goodbye._

14.

* * *

Neji nearly falling out of a tree is what alerts them of the snake's presence.

It's clearly an animal summons, but not one that Shikamaru has ever seen before. The small snake's tongue darts in and out of its mouth; Kakashi holds his arm up, signaling for them to stop, and they all land silently onto the forest floor.

"You're the platoon the Hokage sent, right?" she says, her voice as slithery as she is. "Sasuke sent me."

Kakashi kneels down to speak with her properly. "Did something happen to Sasuke and Sakura?"

"They were ambushed last night." These words cause a stir within their group. Shikamaru frowns. "They're fine now, don't worry." She backs up when Naruto stomps towards her, demanding details and answers. "They sent me because they've relocated a few miles from here; they're no longer in the village."

Naruto picks her up and his hand. "What happened? How were they found out? Are they hurt?"

"Please don't touch me. Your breath reeks." (Shikamaru has to stifle a laugh. How typical of Sasuke's animal summons.) "I will lead you there."

Kakashi nods. "Please do."

"Wait." Shikamaru speaks up. "There's something I want to discuss with you guys first." He's been waiting for the right moment to say this, but there hasn't quite been one on their entire trip here. "It's about our other mission." He glances at the snake, who is waiting with her tail moving back and forth. "Can you give us a few minutes?" Without a word, she slithers away into a bush.

Shikamaru is still shaken up by it. He tries to find a way to word it so it won't hit the others as hard, but there really is no nice way to put it—that their village isn't as perfect as they grew up thinking it was.

"I talked to Hokage-sama about this just before we left," he starts out. "I was looking into the details of the Uchiha massacre—on record, it says that Uchiha Itachi went on a rampage to prove his own strength, and killed his entire clan." This, everyone knows, so they all nod. "I looked at the records of the past Uchiha clan members just a few months before the massacre—there was, of course, the death of Uchiha Shisui, who was supposedly Itachi's best friend. The clan was also planning a coup d'état, but records say that the Third had already dissuaded them from doing so. But…"

"What," Naruto says impatiently. "But what?"

Shikamaru sighs and looks up at the sky (blue, as blue as Ino's eyes), not wanting to see the looks on their faces. "If the Third really had dissuaded them from the coup d'état, then that would be the end of that, and there would be no more leads again. So I was just thinking hypothetically, that…what if the Uchiha clan's annihilation was planned? What if it was intentional?"

"Of course it was intentional," Neji says. "Itachi planned to do so from the start."

"That's not what I mean." Shikamaru shakes his head. "What if it was planned by Konoha?" Silence meets his ears. "Look, I've never known Itachi, but even if assuming that he was weird and an insanely good shinobi who had ulterior motives, why kill his best friend first? Why not just wipe everyone out in one go? And why leave Sasuke alive?"

"Because he was weak. Because he wasn't worth killing." Naruto's voice is shaking.

"Sounds like a pretty stupid reason to me. There were several people in the clan who weren't even shinobi. Even at age seven, Sasuke could protect himself better than them. So why spare his life?"

Naruto shakes his head. "No. That's stupid. There's no way Konoha would have wanted to destroy the clan. If they did, that would mean…" He trails off, afraid to say what everyone is already thinking.

"That Uchiha Itachi wasn't actually a psychopathic mass murderer," Kakashi finishes quietly, sounding very solemn.

"But Baa-chan would know if that were the case, wouldn't she?" Naruto exclaims. "If negotiations with the Third didn't work out, she would know! It'd be in the records!"

"Which is why," Shikamaru says, "we think Uchiha Itachi's orders came from somewhere else in Konoha. People who had different beliefs from the Third—Konoha's secret faction that we almost know nothing about."

"Root." Naruto swallows, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down.

"Danzou." Kakashi sighs, and runs a hand through his hair. "He always looked down on the Third's way of running the village."

"There is no solid proof on this yet. But this may be a likely reason behind the massacre."

"So how does that relate to Sasuke's memory loss?" Naruto asks.

"I don't know yet." Shikamaru has a few inklings, but they're not worth discussing right now—not before he gives it some more thought and digs a little deeper. He regrets ever accepting this mission; what he's discovering is information so dangerous that it could have him killed if the wrong people found out. If it really was Root's doing—Danzou's doing—then anyone within Konoha could be an enemy. Nothing is safe anymore. "I'm just telling you guys this now before we meet up with Sasuke and Sakura, so you know what the situation is. I also think it's best not to tell Sakura about this." He casts Naruto a wary glance. "I know she can be trusted, but she did opt out of this mission because she doesn't want anything to do with it. She'll find out about it once everything unravels."

"I don't like it," Naruto says quietly. "All of these secrets. We were supposed to be together for this—me, Sakura-chan, and Kakashi. We're the original Team 7, you know? How can we leave her out—"

"Things have changed since then," Neji interrupts brusquely. "Grow up, Naruto."

"Stay out of this," Naruto growls. "This isn't your business."

"I believe it is. This is my mission too."

Kakashi claps his hands, dispelling the tension between Naruto and Neji. "Okay, guys, break it up. Is that all you wanted to tell us, Shikamaru?" Shikamaru nods. "Okay. Let's go meet up with Sakura and Sasuke—you can argue about this once we're safe and sound back in the village."

Not that the village is safe anymore, Shikamaru thinks. But hey, at least the others will still be able to sleep easy at night.

—

"Sasuke? Sasuke-kun?" Sasuke's eyes flutter open, and the first thing he sees is the brown of Sakura's dyed hair. "The others are here, Sasuke-kun. Wake up."

_Sakura,_ he registers. And then he feels warm. Sakura.

It couldn't have been more than two hours. The sun is still up—but already, Sasuke feels more refreshed. It's the first time in a long time that he's woken up, not feeling angry.

That's new. He's not angry.

Sasuke sits up, still groggy from his nap. He looks around, and is surprised to see familiar faces—Kakashi, Hyuuga, Nara, and Naruto. "Naruto's in ANBU?"

"Hey!" Naruto shouts indignantly. "No. Being in ANBU is stupid."

"Yuki said the platoon won't disappoint. Why are you here?" (It takes both Kakashi and Nara to hold Naruto back from punching him in the face.)

Meanwhile, Hyuuga steps closer to Sakura to speak to her in a quiet voice. "The snake said you two were ambushed. Are you alright?"

"Somehow," she says with a smile. "It's thanks to Sasuke-kun that we even escaped." Before Hyuuga can respond, Naruto has already scooped her into a large bear hug—and once he lets go, Kakashi pats her on the head and ruffles her hair. She laughs, tilting her head into his touch.

Sasuke stands up and brushes the grass off his pants, trying to look busy. Everyone loves Sakura so much. She's adored by the entire village.

The village that Sasuke no longer trusts. He originally never felt any attachment to it in the first place, but now, he even feels hostile towards it. What secrets are hidden there? What about it does he not know? Why did he used to hate it?

Why does he always meet so much misfortune in the place Sakura loves so much?

"Let's recuperate for one more night," Kakashi says. "We've had a long day of traveling, and you two need to get your strength back, too. There's a river two miles west of here—we'll set up camp there." So they gather their things and set off. The entire while, Sakura chatters and fills them in on the information they've gathered. Sometimes, Naruto cracks a joke and she laughs—in a way that she's never laughed around Sasuke. It irritates him, so he forces himself to look away.

It's silly, he thinks. It's stupid. That even though he should have other things to worry about—_better_ things to worry about—this is what sets him on edge, this is what upsets him—the fact that Haruno Sakura seems happier with some bumbling idiot than with him.

"Are you okay, Sasuke?" Kakashi asks, aligning himself beside Sasuke to speak to him. "Sakura said your arm got quite the hit."

He reaches over to massage where his arm was snapped in two, still feeling phantom pain. Or is that real pain? He isn't sure. "It was a nasty break," he says simply. "I'll be fine."

"Of course you will." Kakashi's eye crinkles in a smile. "You're always fine."

Of Kakashi, Sasuke remembers some, but nothing that stands out. He remembers being trained by him and he remembers some missions, but that's about it. Kakashi was the annoying teacher who was always late for one reason or another. And yet, Kakashi talks to him and looks at him the way everyone else looks at him—like he knows more than Sasuke does, like he's seen the secrets that Sasuke can't even remember letting him see. He still hasn't quite learned how to deal with that yet.

"We never did get a chance to talk since you returned, did we?" Kakashi says conversationally as they leap through the trees.

"You've never made much of an effort to," Sasuke points out.

"Yes, well, there were things to do, books to read…" Kakashi glances over at him when he doesn't respond. "What I've been wondering about all this time, actually, is why Naruto? Why not me or Sakura? What's so special about Naruto that you have to forget about him?"

"I can remember him sometimes," Sasuke says. "So he's not completely gone."

"I see." Kakashi thinks for a moment. "Maybe, sometimes the big things aren't so big after all."

"What do you mean?"

He shakes his head. "Nothing."

They arrive at the river not long later, not giving Sasuke a chance to word his question properly. Everyone drops their packs and stretches their tense muscles. Sakura is the first to announce hopping into the river a little ways downstream to clean up, and Shikamaru and Neji go to collect wood for their campfire. For a moment, Sasuke doesn't know what to do—but then he remembers the promise he made with Sakura. He glances over at Naruto, and heaves a heavy sigh.

When Naruto notices Sasuke approaching, he doesn't even wait for Sasuke to utter a word. "Dude," he says with a familiarity Sasuke isn't comfortable with, "what happened during that ambush? Sakura-chan's a little jumpy."

Sasuke remembers the hours of torture they put her through. "It's just been a long day," he says.

"Are you sure?"

"I was there, idiot."

Naruto glares at him, but not with hostility. "Fine."

It takes a moment for Sasuke to pluck up the courage—to set aside his pride for a moment to speak to this person who claims to be his best friend. "I just wanted to"—Naruto listens intently, and it almost scares Sasuke off—"apologize. For anything that I may have done to you in the past that I don't remember."

Naruto stares at him—one heartbeat, and then two, and Sasuke wonders if he said this speech to the completely wrong person—but then: "Forget Sakura-chan. What happened to _you_ during the ambush?"

Sasuke scowls. "Nothing. Forget I even said anything."

He turns around and stalks away too quickly to catch the Naruto's blinding grin, big enough to split his face in two.

—

The last of her hair dye finally washes away down the river as Sakura gives it a final scrub. It never stays for long; it seems like she'll be stuck with pink for the rest of her life—distinguishable, but never quite as bold as she's always wanted it to be.

She's still shaking, but not from the icy water.

She's never been tortured before—never been injured without the intention of killing, never had every single scream pulled from her like it was an art. Sakura doesn't think she'll forget it for as long as she lives.

First they drew patterns into her skin with a senbon: the words _Konoha is sick_, over and over again—all over her arms, her legs, written a million times and then some. That wasn't too bad—they're only flesh wounds, after all. Superficial. Shallow.

But that was before they tugged at her hair, held her still and punched her in the face, until her nose was broken and a few of her teeth were loose. That was before they decided it'd be funny to tip over her chair until she fell to the ground and kick her until she was sure she was suffering from internal bleeding. That was before they took her pinkies and broke them without any hint of mercy.

Sakura has healed her body, but she doesn't know how to heal her mind. She was able to sleep earlier because of pure exhaustion, but she isn't sure if she'll ever be able to sleep easy ever again.

She returns to the others and immediately huddles close to the campfire that they already have going. She may be clean, but now she's cold as ice.

"You're pink again!" Naruto exclaims when he sees her.

She smiles. "Sorry to disappoint."

"No way, man. Pink is my favorite color on you." He hugs her again, and she relishes his warmth.

"You're being really touchy today. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Maybe I'm having withdrawals."

"Withdrawals from what?"

It takes Naruto a moment to answer, which Sakura finds a little odd in itself—but when he does, his grin is so stupid and goofy that it has Sakura wondering what the matter is. "Hinata."

Realization dawns on her. "You don't mean…?" Naruto nods. "Oh my God! Congratulations!" It's her turn to pull him into a hug, as hard and as fierce as she can. Tortured or not, she's glad for Naruto—he's finally found a little piece of his own happiness. "How long?"

"It's been a while now, but we haven't really said anything about it. It's been busy, you know?"

"Still, though." Sakura grins so hard her face hurts. "I'm so happy for you."

"Really? Damn, I thought you would've finally realized your love for me or something." Sakura laughs and punches him affectionately.

"You wouldn't want me now anyway."

"Hey, you never know!"

"Do you want me to tell Hinata that?" Naruto shuts up right away, and it has Sakura feeling giddy, feeling warm—feeling like everything is finally falling into place. Things have finally started being right.

He shakes his head. "Anyway. You should get some rest. You can rest easy now that we're here—we'll protect you!"

"I don't need protecting, Naruto."

"I know." He smiles. "But I want to anyway."

And somehow, that means more to her than anything.

He pats her shoulder. "Get some rest. We'll keep watch." Sakura nods, and crawls into the one tent they have set up.

"Sasuke-kun!" she exclaims in surprise when she already finds him in there. He's crouched on his knees, his back facing her—in the process of pulling off his shirt. "Sorry, I didn't know you were in here—"

"It's fine." He throws his shirt—tattered and ripped—to the side, and pulls on a new one. (Despite herself, Sakura does her best to engrain the image into her mind; sharp shoulder blades, defined muscles, numerous scars decorating his skin.) "Kakashi lent me his spare change of clothes."

"Oh." Something occurs to Sakura. "We don't have any weapons either. We lost everything."

"I'm sure the others have extra."

She sighs. When she returns to Konoha, that's where her next paycheck will be going.

"About before," Sasuke says, sounding unsure. Sakura turns to him and waits—always listening, always waiting. "What…did you mean, exactly?"

"It means…" And suddenly, it feels that much harder to breathe. "Yes. It means yes. That question you asked me all those weeks ago—I'm saying yes now. That is, if you're still okay with it." The tent they're in feels tiny, it feels almost too close for comfort—but then Sasuke reaches out and his fingers brush against her hair, his palm pressing against her cheek—she leans into his touch and feels a lifetime of longing and desire and unrequited love lift from her shoulders. It's the best feeling in the world.

His thumb touches her bottom lip and she winces slightly; there's a cut there that she didn't bother to heal because it'll do it just fine on its own.

"I should have come to you sooner," he says quietly.

She shakes her head. "You did what you could. And it wasn't that bad anyway." That's a lie, but—she doesn't want him to worry about her. She's never wanted to look weak in front of Sasuke, and now she is finally capable of that. She won't let it go. "Don't worry about it."

Sasuke leans forward, uncertain—but Sakura is sure, so sure—she's been sure all her life and she closes the distance and their mouths press together, a cut lip be damned, she doesn't care, she wants Sasuke, she loves Sasuke and this is it, this is finally where she's always wanted to be and it's more than she could have ever imagined, because a million wonderings and a million daydreams could have never prepared her for the real thing: Sasuke's warmth, Sasuke's lips, almost frozen with the fear of doing something wrong and she thinks he is the most beautiful person in the entire world.

Their first kiss can't compare to this. Their first kiss when he was still too broken and she was still too fanciful could never compare to this.

What Sasuke has yet to know, and what Sasuke probably will never know, is that she would never leave him, even if he did something wrong, even if he hurt her. She's tried to leave him once—she's distanced herself emotionally and she's forgotten about him, but it always comes rushing back. She can't escape him. She could either walk away and spend the rest of her life hurting over it, or she could do her best and work through it with him. And she would much rather choose the latter option.

When they pull away from each other, Sakura's face is flushed. If she looks carefully, she can see that the tips of Sasuke's ears are red. "You're blushing," she points out, breathlessly.

"So are you," he replies haughtily. This kind of response makes her laugh—because this is so ridiculous—that amidst everything that's been happening, they can still find a little salvation in something so simple as a kiss. Sakura wants to slowly fall in love with Sasuke, to giggle over stupid things and to feel butterflies when they hold hands. She wants to be normal with him.

_I love you,_ she thinks, but maybe it's too soon.

(_But she loves him anyway. She'll love him forever and ever and ever._)

"I'm going to just," she points behind her, in the direction of the tent opening, "going to go back out now. Because. Yeah." She's doing her best to hide the goofy smile on her lips, but it's proving futile. Sasuke clears his throat and looks away, not even answering her.

Sakura nearly trips on her way out, but she doesn't care.

Kakashi spots her first. "I thought you were resting?" He's sitting against a tree, a worn and well-loved copy of Icha Icha in his hand.

"It's kind of stuffy in there. I'd rather rest out here." She takes a seat beside him, breathing in the crisp autumn air. They sit in silence for a long while, but Sakura takes note that Kakashi never once turns a page. He likes to do that; pretend to read literary porn so people will leave him alone when he's actually thinking about something.

"What's on your mind?" she asks Kakashi. He turns his head to look at her, movements sluggish and lazy.

"Nothing," he lies.

"What are you thinking about?" she asks again.

They stare at each other for a long moment, competing to see who will give in first. Of course it's Kakashi; neither him nor Naruto go against her if they can help it, because they know how scary she can be. "I don't know if you know, but I'm on the team investigating Sasuke's memory loss. Just thinking about that."

This piques Sakura's curiosity. "Have you guys found out anything?"

"I thought you didn't want anything to do with it?" he asks wryly. "After all, you were the one who refused the offer to be on the mission as well."

And thinking about it, it was a good decision on her part, too. That mission may have caused a conflict of interest; whatever she found out would have to be kept a secret from Sasuke, and that's not something she ever wants to do. She waves it off. "Forget about it. I'm interested, but I guess it's not worth it."

"Not worth what?" Kakashi grins a little. "What's happened?"

"Nothing! I'm just saying. It's not worth anything." She smiles. "It's nice to not have everything revolve around Sasuke-kun, you know? I have my life, and he has his."

He stretches his arms above his head. "Well, regardless of whether you accepted the mission or not, I'm glad you're happy now. You kind of worried me when Sasuke first returned; you were a wreck in every way."

"You could have dropped by, you know. Just to check up on me."

Kakashi clicks his tongue. "I don't exactly think I'm an expert at dealing with emotional problems, if you know what I mean."

"That doesn't mean you couldn't have checked up on me anyway. I've missed you! Where have you been?"

"At the epitaph. Being old. Hiding out."

"Have you been spending more time there lately?"

"It's almost that time of year again."

She looks at him with earnest eyes. "Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?" There was one night two years ago that she found him standing in front of the epitaph in the pouring rain, so spaced out that he didn't hear her the first three times she called him. Kakashi isn't always late to appointments because he's lazy—he's late to appointments because he spends every possible moment with Obito and Rin.

"Nope," he says cordially. He's never talked to her about it, but she always asks anyway—in case that one day, when he really does need it, she's long since given up on him. (Sakura never gives up on the people she loves—not after seeing what happened when Sasuke gave up on them.)

"How's Naruto been doing?" she asks him, changing the subject. "I don't think he wants to talk to me much about Sasuke-kun."

Kakashi shrugs. "He's holding up. As expected of him."

"Sasuke-kun remembers a little bit of him, though," she says with hope. "Maybe more of it will come back with time."

"Yeah, he did tell me that." Kakashi's voice remains blank; she isn't quite sure what he thinks about the matter. "Do you not find that strange? That some things on certain subjects come back to him, but nothing about Itachi, which is so important to him, ever returns."

"I did find it weird, yeah, but I never thought too deeply about it." Sakura doesn't want to take everything and analyze it anymore—she's done enough of that in the past. She's just glad that Sasuke remembers Naruto. "I mean, it's just that…I know I shouldn't be ignorant towards this. Clearly, someone messed with Sasuke-kun's memory for a reason. But at the same time…" What? At the same time, what? "I just really want him to be happy. I want Naruto to be happy—all of us have been waiting for Sasuke-kun to come back. I'm…still trying to deal with how this affects me. I can't deal with his problems too—that's for him to fix."

Kakashi listens quietly, as he always does, taking everything in before giving her a response. "Well," he says, "I'm very glad that you don't revolve your entire life around him anymore. You've really grown up." He smiles and ruffles her hair. "As expected of my smartest student."

"It took me a little longer than expected. Sorry."

"You know what? You're doing a hell of a lot better than I am."

"Nah, I could learn a thing or two from you."

Kakashi closes his book and places it on the grass beside him. "What happens if the reason behind Sasuke's memory loss destroys everything you've fixed?"

"Then…" Sakura smiles sadly. "Then I'll pick up the broken pieces and put them together again."

He leans back, staring up through the golden leaves of the tree and at the blue sky. "It's always been him, hasn't it? There's never been anyone else."

"I don't think there ever can be."

"Do you still love him? The same way you did back then."

Sakura takes a moment to think about this. "Not in the same way, no. But I still love him." And maybe she loves him even more than she did when she was twelve—she didn't think it was possible, but maybe it is. Because the Sakura of several years ago didn't know how to love the way she does now. The Sakura of several years ago didn't realize how complicated love could be.

"Are you going to tell him?" Kakashi's speaks lazily, but she can detect the tone of curiosity in his voice.

She bumps her foot against his in a playful reprimanding kick. "You're so nosy," she laughs. "Maybe he already knows. Hasn't he always known that I love him? He's never forgotten me, after all."

"Maybe that means something," Kakashi says, encouraging.

"Maybe it does," she agrees.

And even if it doesn't—even if it was a stroke of luck, just a chance happening—she's sure that she and Sasuke can make it into something meaningful. That, she knows.

—

It is windy outside, but Sakura barely feels it.

"Take the tent!" Naruto had insisted. "Seriously, take the tent or I will physically tie you up and put you in there."

"Naruto," she had deadpanned, "if I couldn't handle a little cold weather, I would not have chosen this profession. Trust me."

"Still! If there's a tent, you should use it. Please?"

Which is how she finds herself in the tent while the others—the men who are more capable, according to Naruto (that comment earned him a well deserved punch)—are outside, huddled around the campfire. The wind makes it difficult to keep burning, though.

Sakura doesn't like being alone—not yet. She still can't shake off the anxiety that the ambush brought her—can't make herself forget what she's gone through. But she doesn't want to talk to Naruto or Kakashi about it, who are her main sources of comfort. They're worried enough about her already—and if they knew, they would only do more stupid things like stuffing her in a tent. So she'd rather not.

So she does the next best thing.

"Sasuke-kun." She pokes her head out of the tent. "Can you come in here for a sec? There's something I want to talk to you about."

The others give Sasuke a look before glancing at each other, but Sasuke pays no heed, wordlessly standing up and getting in the tent.

"What is it?"

She shakes her head. "It's nothing," she says, keeping her voice quiet so the others don't hear her. "Can you just stay with me? I don't want to be alone."

"Why not?" When she doesn't answer, he sighs. "You're a very bad liar, Sakura. Everyone knows something happened to you during the ambush." She hugs her knees to her chest.

"Nothing happened during the ambush. I just don't want to be alone."

Sasuke reaches out to touch her hand—his fingertips make contact with her pinky first, and she flinches as though she's been burned, feeling the phantom pain of her bones being snapped. He draws his hand back.

"The first time is always hard," he says, looking away. "It gets easier after that."

Sakura wonders what he's been through—how many times he's been tortured for him to even be able to say that. Sasuke, who has been fragile from the start, being broken and over again. Her precious Sasuke-kun.

"Just don't go anywhere," she says softly. "Please." He nods, and reaches for her sleeping bag. He unzips it so it acts as a large blanket, and—with much caution—moves closer to her until they're pressing arm to arm. He wraps the blanket around both of them, and she rests her head on his shoulder—feeling a little bit of the darkness surrounding her subsiding.

(_It's funny, she thinks. That Sasuke, who has always been shrouded by darkness, is the one who takes hers away._)

"Do you ever regret it?" she asks. "Choosing the path you did."

"No."

She hesitates before asking her next question. "Do you hate this memory loss because it's brought you back to the place that you left behind?"

"I didn't leave Konoha because I hated it, Sakura. I left it because it wasn't moving fast enough for me." A heartbeat. "But I do hate this memory loss, yes."

"Do you hate what it's given you?"

"What is this, an interrogation?"

She keeps her head low, afraid to look at him. "Sorry." She feels ashamed because she's thankful for what he hates. This memory loss is what brought him back to her. It's what brought him home.

"I will be frank, Sakura," Sasuke says, not gently. "Being with you like this is a mistake. I know that." She stiffens up beside him, and she knows he feels it. "I've always known that being with you would be wrong, which is why I've never done it even when I wanted to, before I left Konoha. I've…" He trails off, but Sakura finishes his sentence in her mind. _I've always wanted to be with you._ "But I remember you. And that…is earth-shattering."

"It could just be chance."

"How I feel is not chance. I've felt this way for a very, very long time."

"Even when we were twelve?"

"Yes."

It's only then that Sakura relaxes, just a little.

"I don't regret the things I do. I don't regret leaving the village. And I don't regret coming back and being with you like this, even though I know it's a mistake. So don't ask me stupid questions like that."

"Why is being with me a mistake?" she asks, fearful of what he might say.

He chooses his words carefully, reminiscent of the night he first asked her to be with him. "Because there are things I still need to do, and I don't have time for such hindrances."

"But you've killed Itachi," she points out. "There's nothing after that, right? This memory loss probably isn't even anything as big as killing your brother."

"You never know." He shrugs.

"But you're okay with us being like this?"

"For now, yes."

Sakura doesn't like that to Sasuke, he only sees this as temporary—but that's one aspect that has never changed about him, she supposes. It seems like Sasuke prioritizes everything backwards—the things that hurt the most being the most important, the things that make him happy being the least important. Sasuke has never quite allowed himself the simple joy of being loved.

"I don't regret this," she tells him honestly. "Even if it might only be temporary. I hope it's not, but if it is, I wouldn't regret it anyway."

"I don't regret this either," he tells her, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

Behind her hair that's hiding her face, she smiles a little. "Okay."

Sasuke reaches up around her shoulders to pat down her hair, slightly frizzy because she washed it with nothing but river water. "Go to sleep. You need to reclaim your victory tomorrow."

"Okay," she says again, and closes her eyes.

She's always wondered what it'd be like to fall asleep beside Sasuke, but as expected, the real thing is much better than her whimsical fantasies.

Sakura sleeps easy, away from the memories of being tortured, because Sasuke is there to keep her fears at bay.

(_So this is what it feels like, to know that the one you love isn't going to walk away._)

* * *

**A/N:** Somewhat of a transition chapter! And some fluff for you all. :D


	15. 15

**don't touch my hand and call it love  
**_you said it was over, and then cried and cried; you were gone before i said goodbye._

15.

* * *

"This is station one. We're all clear."

"_Station two. We're all clear as well."_ The crackly sound of the intercom rings loud in her ear. She crouches in the bushes with Kakashi, waiting for him to give the signal.

"_Station three, ready to go—stop breathing on me, moron—"_

She and Kakashi are currently a little ways away from the village, a large patch of collapsed ground in sight. It's the place that Sasuke and Sakura broke through the day before during their escape. Shikamaru and Neji are around the main entrance in the village, remaining undercover and entering later to back them up; Sasuke and Naruto are waiting for the signal to enter. It's time for their ambush.

Sakura feels much better today—the victory already in her veins. There are still several chakra signatures underground; it's as though they don't expect something to happen after two prisoners escape. How stupid can they get?

Today, she's going to take back everything they took from her.

"_Naruto, your breath reeks. Did you even brush your teeth earlier—"_

"_Shut up, bastard, that has nothing to do with anything!"_

Kakashi sighs beside her. "At this rate, you're going to give away our ambush. Shut up or I'm going to request Hokage-sama to demote the both of you."

"_Not like Sasuke's got anywhere to go since he's still a _genin_—ow! Kakashi, he just punched me!"_

"Shut up, you two," Sakura growls into the intercom.

"_Kakashi-senpai,"_ Shikamaru reports, _"Naruto is pulling at Sasuke's hair."_

How is it that several years have gone by, and they still haven't learned how to grow up?

"Okay, guys." Kakashi crouches down low, preparing to spring off of his feet. Sakura follows suit. "Go." She and Kakashi fly out of the bushes and into the broken entrance of the tunnels. The bickering on the intercom has stopped as well, thankfully.

Their mission is to find and kill. If possible, they're to bring one of them back for interrogation, to discover why this small, preliminary organization came into existence. (Sakura has no guarantees for being able to do that.)

She and Kakashi race down the tunnels, quiet as death, planting explosive tags as they go. It feels good to work with him, after not being able to do so for so long. They move in sync after years of fighting together; they know each other's minds, can predict each other's movements—there is not a single flaw to their coordination.

The explosive tags start going off a moment later, and Sakura runs harder as the tunnels begin to collapse around them. Enemies emerge from rooms at the rumbling vibrations; a sick grin, a grin that Sakura can't control, grows on her lips and she heads towards the very first one. He doesn't have time to react before his skull is smashed in.

"Angry, are we?" Kakashi comments lightheartedly as he leaps past her, currently engaged in combat with three shinobi, all of them with scratched out Konoha hitai-ate.

Sakura still can't comprehend why anyone would want to betray such a beautiful, precious place.

"Well, they _did_ ruin my reconnaissance mission." That's not the true reason why she's ruthless today, but it's reason enough. She hears the sound of footsteps and someone's shout as they charge at her from behind—she ducks and swivels on her heel, throwing her other leg out and tripping the attacker.

This shinobi has dark hair and a lean body. He leaps to his feet and she recognizes grey, speckled eyes—and immediately her resolve hardens.

"Oh?" he says in amusement. "Have I seen you before?"

She tilts her head to the side in question. "Green eyes," she says, echoing his words from a day ago. "Where have you seen them before?"

It takes a moment for him to realize. "You've recovered from all of your injuries already? It's only been a day." He dodges her punch, just narrowly missing a punctured lung.

"I've been told I heal quickly." She doesn't give him the chance to counterattack; her hands are lined with chakra as she aims blow after blow, careful to follow a particular pattern. He's smart—he will being analyzing her every movement.

"Although," he remarks, "I don't remember you to have such an audacious shade of hair. I liked the brown better. Did you think I wouldn't know who you were if you made it pink?"

"Actually, I think the question is"—he moves to the left because he predicts that her attack would go to the right, but she changes her direction of movement at the last moment the way she did with Sasuke—"did you think you wouldn't know who I am because it's finally the color it's supposed to be?"

His arm falls limp at his side, the nerves severed.

(_There's only one kunoichi from Konoha with pink hair and green eyes, and frighteningly precise chakra control._)

"No way." His voice is filled with disbelief.

"I couldn't have been a nobody if I was with Uchiha Sasuke, right?" She smirks, pulling on her gloves tighter. "Well, at least you got that part right." She leaps forward, and in his state of incredulity, he's a moment too late in avoiding her; they topple to the ground, her straddling his torso and pinning his wrists to the ground with chakra.

"You're—"

She smiles, sweetly. "Haruno Sakura at your service."

The man scowls, perspiration dotting his forehead. "Why is Uchiha Sasuke siding with Konoha again? What did you guys do to him?"

"Us? We didn't do anything." She leans down closer to his face, stares right into this stardust eyes. "But I don't think you're in any position to ask me questions. So why don't you tell me: why are you doing this to Konoha? Why are you trying to destroy the place you came from?"

He is unable to move and clearly in a vulnerable position, but never once does he lose his nerve. "Because you're traitors," he hisses. "Your despicable village which is full of secrets that even you probably don't know about—the number of people it's disposed of without second thought, right under your very noses—you'll never know of the scum your beloved Konoha is built upon if you keep loving it."

Sakura pushes his wrists harder against the ground, cracking the rock. She feels some of his bones fracture. "Explain."

"There's no point if you don't find out for yourself. You wouldn't believe me anyway."

"Tell me!"

He smirks, victorious because he knows he's gotten underneath her skin. He's an interrogator, even in this situation. He knows how to play with people's minds. "Let's just say, Konoha's done a little something to your precious Sasuke-kun too."

Sakura squeezes his wrists so hard that they break completely, and relishes his piercing scream. "_Tell me,_" she hisses, voice like venom.

He shrugs, still capable of keeping a calm demeanor despite being in extreme pain. "I don't know what happened specifically. I just know that in the past, we've gone to him and asked him to join our ranks." _What?_ "He said no, of course, but not because he had any lingering feelings for Konoha—it was because he wanted to do it himself, in his own way. That's the reason why we were inactive until now—because it's better to let Uchiha Sasuke do what he wants instead of getting in his way." His voice is smug. "But you didn't know any of that, did you?"

Why would Sasuke target Konoha? Itachi has nothing to do with village; after killing him, Sasuke's revenge should be complete. There's no reason for him to target Konoha.

"Confused?" the shinobi jeers. "Scared?" For a brief moment, uncontrollable rage flares up inside her, like every fear and insecurity inside of her manifested into one beast. But then she remembers the night before—she remembers Sasuke, sitting beside her, wrapped up in a blanket with her. She remembers the leap of faith he took—believing blindly, when he's never believed in the first place, that maybe something will come out of them being together. Something good. Something beautiful and irreplaceable.

And that rage disappears.

"No," she tells the man beneath her, "I'm not scared. Because right now, I have Sasuke and you don't. A Konoha shinobi has succeeded in taking Sasuke for her own, while you, an organized criminal organization, could not even get him to look twice at you." One of her hands lets go of his broken wrists, because she's done with him. "So no, I'm not confused." He can't move his arm, because it's the one with the severed nerves. "And no, I'm not scared. Do you know why?" Chakra flows to her free hand, molding itself into a scalpel at her fingers. His eyes widen. "Because I'm not you."

She kills him, cleanly and quietly, even though she imagined so many other ways to do it in her head, all exponentially more gruesome and painful. In the end, she's decided to be a better person. She will be above him. She will not make someone hurt more than she has to.

She and Kakashi meet Sasuke and Naruto halfway. There is blood on all of their clothes, but none of it is their own, which Sakura is thankful for.

"Shikamaru and Neji?" Kakashi says into his intercom.

"_Still up top. We're fine—caught some of them escaping. It's under control."_

"This entire place should be collapsing pretty soon," Sasuke says. "We need to get out of here." From both entrances that they entered from, they've planted explosive tags—the quickest and most efficient way to wipe out the entire place, since the base is located underground. Everything is collapsing from all sides; the very earth is quaking, as if shaking with fear.

Kakashi smiles at her, his eye crinkling in that familiar way. "Would you do the honor, Sakura?"

She grins. "Gladly." And she jumps, like the way Sasuke jumped the day before, her first meeting the earth above them, and sunlight pours down like a breath of fresh air. Moments later, they find Neji and Shikamaru peering down at them, looking slightly roughed up but otherwise fine.

Sakura has heard some unsettling things today, but otherwise, she would deem the mission a complete success.

Sasuke catches her eye and she smiles. He doesn't smile back, but maybe she can see a twinkle in his eye.

—

They don't waste a single moment. After briefing each other on the situation, they head right for Konoha. Right for home.

In the end, they weren't able to bring one of the enemies back with them—but Sakura shares what she's discovered, and that's almost the same thing. Everyone is uneasy about Sasuke's unrecoverable memory, and what he's done during that time. Sakura herself is uneasy as well—was that man telling the truth? If so, why would Sasuke want to attack Konoha? What has Konoha done to him? She realizes that back then—and even now—he's had an irrational temper, but it couldn't have been something small that triggered a desire to destroy the village.

(_Is that why he never came back after killing Itachi? Is that why she spent days and nights and every waking moment hoping that he would step through those gates again, only to be disappointed day after day?_)

Sakura wants to think, wants to wonder, wants to probe—wants to sit Sasuke down and have him tell her everything he knows, even if it might not be much—even if it might not be anything at all. She just wants to know that, at least right now, he doesn't want to tear down the only place she could ever call home.

Is it possible, she wonders? If this is true, can they still be together? Would she still be able to accept him unconditionally even if somehow, his memories return, and the next thing he wants to do is burn down her sanctuary?

It's not something she wants to think about right now.

As they travel south, the air gets slightly warmer, but not by much. Winter is here; if they're lucky, Konoha will get some snow this year.

(_Sakura travels close to Sasuke for warmth—not of the body, but of the heart._)

The others are strangely quiet, most likely because the four of them are assigned to the mission for Sasuke's memory loss, and are not allowed to disclose information to either of them. However, that doesn't stop Naruto from talking to Sasuke, telling him things that he doesn't remember—good things, like the time Kakashi scheduled an overnight training session and never showed up, so they spent the night stargazing in the training grounds, or the time Sakura finally had enough of their constant rivalry, so she locked them in a broom closet together. All of these stories bring laughter, and even a slight smirk to Sasuke's lips.

"And the time," Sasuke says, but stops. Naruto and Sakura wait, anticipating. "The time," he tries again, "I went to the bathroom so Naruto took my pay for our mission and spent it all on ramen."

Sakura is caught somewhere between doubling over laughing and crying her eyes dry.

—

They're walking calmly down the dirt road, through the gates and back into Konoha when she sees him.

"Sai!" Sakura runs towards him, the one so similar to Sasuke and yet so different, her arms open to greet him with a hug like she always does. He accepts her as she pulls him close, and picks her off her feet to spin her around.

"Word of mouth among the higher-ups told me that you were in a pinch on that mission," he says with a smile. "I'm glad you look unhurt."

She pokes his cheek. "You shouldn't be eavesdropping on others. It's rude."

"You shouldn't kill for a career," he replies pleasantly. "That's rude too." She laughs, and steps away to let Naruto slap him hard on the back and exchange a few words—crass ones, she's sure, considering the friendship that the two share.

Kakashi steps up. "Good job on this mission, all of you." One of his hands finds its way into Sakura's hair, the other into Sasuke's. "Especially you two." He ruffles their hair (Sasuke doesn't even bother to hide his frown of distaste). "We should report back to Hokage-sama."

Sai has Naruto in a headlock when they begin to move. "I'll see you guys later," he says. "I have a few days off—let's do something."

"Let's catch a movie or something." Naruto manages to break free of Sai's hold without snapping his own neck. "I'm beat."

"Finally accepted defeat for all of our spars, Dickless?"

"Go to hell."

Sakura waves goodbye to Sai and goes with the others to see Tsunade. She's exhausted to the bone; she just wants to eat a proper meal and sleep for the next two weeks.

Kakashi lets her and Sasuke report first; their mission details are shorter, since their main goal was to gather intelligence on the small organization. As to what the organization wanted to do and what they were aiming for and what happened during the ambush—that's more in the other team's field. Sakura is interested and wants to stay to hear their discussion, but she knows that she's not allowed to. She missed the chance when it was offered to her.

So even with the curiosity niggling at the back of her mind, she exits the office with Sasuke, leaving the others with Tsunade to discuss things that may potentially bring down everything she's ever believed in. She trusts them—she trusts that they can make things right. They have to make things right.

"I'm going to go home and get some rest," she tells Sasuke once they're outside. It's already long dark, and getting cold as well. "You should too."

Sasuke nods. "I'll see you soon, then."

They both stand there, awkward. Then they open their mouths at the same time.

"Bye—"

"Do you—"

_Do you what?_ Sakura is curious as to what Sasuke would have said, but he's already clamped his lips shut.

She wonders why she has to be afraid and nervous, around him of all people. Then she decides that she shouldn't be. She smiles at him, gently, and stands on her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. "Goodnight, Sasuke-kun."

He stands up straighter, as if trying to regain his pride. "Goodnight."

And they part ways.

Sakura laughs quietly to herself at the thought of Sasuke, confused and uncertain because of a girl. It's a cute fantasy she used to entertain, but never one that she thought would come to life. She's realizing that everything with Sasuke is better when it's real and not just all in her head.

When she reaches her apartment, she stares blankly at the door for a moment. Right. She lost all of her belongings when she and Sasuke were ambushed—meaning that she lost the key to her place as well. This is too common of an occurrence for her; she needs to leave a spare out.

Sakura wonders how many times she's had to break into her own house. A sigh leaves her lips and she turns to go back downstairs again and scale up the side of the building to enter through her window, when her door opens.

She blinks.

"I sensed your chakra signature," Sai explains, even though it does nothing to explain why he's in her home.

"Everyone has a key to my place except for me," she mutters, stepping through the door and kicking off her shoes. Her home smells stale, as it often does, since she's a shinobi and leaves the village for long periods of time.

"I dusted your furniture," Sai offers. "And bought dinner. You haven't eaten yet, have you?"

"I thought," she accuses, turning and poking his chest, "that by 'see you later', you meant 'see you another day'. What are you doing here?"

He blinks. "Do you not want me here?"

"No, that's not what I mean—it's just _weird_, to go to people's places and wait for them to get home. It's not normal."

"Oh," he says, frowning as though this is completely new information to him. "I'll keep that in mind."

Sakura sighs, shaking her head. She supposes he still has a long way to go.

"Food!" she exclaims, forgetting all proper social norms when she sees the takeout boxes sitting on her kitchen table. "You're a star, Sai!" The only proper meal she's had today is a meager breakfast this morning before their attack. She's been on soldier pills ever since. She opens the boxes and doesn't even bother to sit down before shoving the tepid takoyaki into her mouth.

Sai watches her eat for a moment, before commenting, "I still don't understand why you don't eat with the grace that women are supposed to eat with." She would throw a takoyaki at him, but decides that it's a waste of decent food.

"Did you visit Naruto too?" she asks him with her mouth full, heading to her fridge to find something to drink.

"Earlier, yes. Although he kicked me out because Hinata came over."

Her eyes widen in excitement. "They're dating, did you know?"

"I did think that there was something more intimate about their friendship. Why did Hinata choose him, out of all people?"

She smiles and holds out a takoyaki on her toothpick. Without much thought, Sai leans forward to eat it, wiping excess sauce off the corner of his mouth in the process. "You wouldn't understand," she says. "And I don't say that because you're from Root—I say that because I think a lot of people wouldn't understand. Some love is just unconditional." Unconditional love. She likes the sound of that. Love despite anything and everything.

"That's stupid," Sai remarks. "That's only going to get her killed one day."

"Humans are like that," she singsongs, "hoping even when we know there's no hope."

"I think that's counterproductive to life."

"I think it's _beautiful_," she retorts. She shoves the last of the takoyaki in her mouth and washes it down with some water. "Thanks a lot for the food. I was starving."

Sai smiles—the smile that she thinks is more genuine every time she sees it. "You're welcome."

Later, when she's boiled some tea (and subsequently thrown out all of the rotten fruit in her fridge with much dismay) and they're sitting comfortably on her couch, Sai asks her, "How are you supposed to court a woman?"

A brief image flashes in Sakura's mind—Sai holding a bouquet of flowers in front of a faceless girl and not knowing what to do with them. She does her best not to laugh. "Is there someone that you've taken an interest in?"

"Yes, I suppose that's one way to put it."

"Is she a kunoichi? Do I know her?"

He smiles, cryptically. "I'll tell you if I'm successful in winning her heart. I don't think I will be though, so don't get your hopes up."

"Why are you keeping it a secret? I want to know! And it'll help me help you—trust me."

He leans back on the couch, pulling his knees up and cradling his mug of tea against his chest. "I don't know," he says. "I've always been open to you about my concerns about being normal, but somehow, this feels different. Like if I accidentally do something wrong, then…there's no turning back. I've never felt that way about anything before. I've never been uncertain like I am now."

Another image flashes in Sakura's mind: Sai standing outside in the middle of the night, all alone and weighing a million possibilities as if it's as easy as determining the survival rate of a mission.

She reaches out and pats his knee in reassurance. "It doesn't matter as much what you do, but the thought you put into it. It's the heart that matters. As long as your feelings get through to her, I can't think of a single reason why she wouldn't feel the same way about you."

"Really?"

"You're a great guy, you know? But the great guys just never know how great they are." And sometimes, Sakura admits, that's what makes them great at all.

"I think," he says with a frown, "I may have done something to upset her."

"Then you apologize. Simple as that."

"Somehow, I don't feel like it's that simple."

"It can be if you just make it that way." This is the first time Sakura's seen him like this before. "Don't worry about it! Just do what you feel is right, and everything will work out in the end."

"I hope so." Sai drinks his tea, contemplative. "Human beings are so complicated, aren't they? I'm never going to stop trying to remember how to be one."

Sakura moves so she sits closer to him, until she's able to feel his warmth on her skin. Something about Sai makes her so sad sometimes—maybe the fact that he always knows that he's lacking something, but is never upset because of that—or maybe the fact that he's constantly striving to be normal again, when a lot of the time, being normal is what leads people to their destruction.

Sometimes, she wonders if it would've been better for him if he'd never met them at all.

They sit there in silence, side by side on the couch, until their tea grows cold and she's nodding off in exhaustion.

"I should probably go," he finally says, his voice breaking through the impenetrable quiet. "I'm sorry for disturbing you right after such a strenuous mission."

"What time is it?" she mumbles, too tired to even turn her head to look at the clock. Weird—she doesn't remember dozing off against his shoulder. For someone as bony as Sai, he's surprisingly comfortable to sleep against.

"Past midnight."

"Whatever." She snuggles closer to him, not wanting to lose her warmth. "Just stay the night. I don't care."

"Are you sure?"

"Whatever," she says again, her voice already turning into a mumble. She feels her cup of tea being gently pried from her hands, and its soft clink as it's placed on her coffee table. She lets Sai shift into a more comfortable position, his arm resting comfortably around her shoulders.

Sleeping close to her teammates is something that happens so often on missions that it stops being awkward even after they've come home. Sai is no exception. So while Sakura may feel awkward if Sai openly puts his arm around her in public, all of those feelings disappear when it comes to the simple act of drifting off into unconsciousness. What Sakura loves about sleeping next to Sai is that he's soundless; his breathing is at a minimum, and he doesn't move an inch. She supposes it comes with being in Root. Naruto snores a lot, and Kakashi likes fidgeting in his sleep. But Sai is completely still.

"Why do you think people would want to wipe Sasuke-kun's memory?" she mumbles, her voice slurring as she sinks deeper into her sleep. "On my mission, I was told that Sasuke-kun was targeting Konoha…do you think that's true, Sai?"

"If it is," comes his distant reply, "then maybe it's better that he doesn't remember."

"It'd be nice if we could all be a team. You, me, Naruto, Sasuke-kun, and Kakashi. It's my dream for all of us to go on a mission together."

"Unlikely. Too much power for one platoon. Amongst other reasons."

"Shut up. Let me dream."

She feels him chuckle more than she hears him, a gentle puff of his breath in her hair. "Go to sleep. You need rest."

Sakura doesn't need telling. She's out cold in the next moment.

What she doesn't know is that Sai doesn't sleep for a long time after that, and when he does, it's with his head resting on top of hers and a slight frown on his lips.

* * *

**A/N:** THE SEMESTER IS FINALLY OVER, YAY. I've hit another roadblock, but hopefully, it'll be gone by the time I've run out of chapters to post. Unlikely, though. Writing generally comes easy for me, but this one is hard. I guess it means I'm still challenging myself.

Also, I have a new LJ! The link is on my page, if you're interested. I post my thoughts about fandom, writing, and sometimes my life. But mostly fandom and writing.


	16. 16

**don't touch my hand and call it love  
**_you said it was over, and then cried and cried; you were gone before i said goodbye._

16.

* * *

_**what are you, jealous?**_

Sasuke stands at the door, wondering what he's doing here first thing in the morning.

He shouldn't be here. He should be doing something productive—he should be investigating the village, finding links between it and the small organization they crushed—but instead, he's in front of Sakura's place, contemplating whether or not he should ring the doorbell—

Which, clearly, isn't necessary, because the door opens of its own accord—but it's not Sakura that's doing the opening. It's Sai.

"Your chakra signature," he explains to Sasuke's questioning silence.

Of course that's how Sai knew he's here. What Sasuke wants to know is _why_ he's here.

"Why are you here," he deadpans.

"I stayed the night," Sai answers with the same deadpan. He doesn't open the door wider to let Sasuke in. "Why are _you_ here?"

"Visiting Sakura," he replies, stiffly. "Not to see you, obviously." And what is Sai doing, staying the night anyway? What kind of relationship does he and Sakura have? Surely not _that—_?

No, of course not. Sakura is _his_. And she wouldn't—not with this washed out comparison of him—

"Thanks for letting me in." He forcefully pushes past Sai and into Sakura's place. He hears the boiling of water in the kettle and smells coffee in the air. Sakura is sound asleep on her couch, a blanket draped over her with care.

Sai closes the front door and goes to turn off the stove, the water having reached a full boil. "I was going to let her sleep for a little longer. She's tired. Would you like coffee or tea?"

Irritation eats away at Sasuke. "Tea is fine, thanks." Sai maneuvers himself in Sakura's home as if he's been there countless of times—as if making tea and coffee has become so normal that it's routine. Since when did Sai become so close with Sakura? When did he become everything Sasuke could have been in a world where happiness was easier to come by?

Sai makes two cups of tea and one cup of coffee, putting in two spoons of sugar with familiarity. With the coffee in his hand, he walks over to Sakura and kneels down in front of her. "Sakura, wake up. You have a visitor." She groans and rolls over so her back faces him. "Sakura." No response. "You look uglier than my dead grandmother."

_That_ has her kicking the blanket off of her, her hair a disarray. "What did you say, you asshole?"

Sai smiles, holding out the coffee to her. "Good morning."

Sakura takes the steaming mug, slightly baffled. "Morning." It takes her a moment to notice Sasuke, but when she does, she jumps to the point where she almost spills her hot drink. "Sasuke-kun! What are you doing here?"

It's a question he legitimately does not know the answer to, so he doesn't respond. Sai smiles at him, but it only looks triumphant and prideful.

Sasuke scowls. Sai wins this round.

—

_**the cat's out of the bag**_

Unfortunately, Ino finds out before Sakura even has the chance to tell her.

"What have I told you about being _careful_?" she snaps at Sasuke as she heals his arm. "I already told you that there are bone fragments that I can't fix—it's weaker than it was before. Stop overestimating yourself—your pride may be indestructible, but your body isn't!"

"Tch." Sasuke turns away. "It's because Naruto took the spar way too seriously."

"_You're_ the one making everything a huge deal, you bastard!"

_This is why men are impossible to manage,_ Sakura thinks irritably to herself. They're always so irrational.

She feels a tap on her shoulder, and she turns around. "Ino. What are you doing here?"

"Hokage-sama is looking for you, but…" Ino's hands are clasped behind her back, blue eyes knowing as they look at Sakura healing Sasuke. "When did you two start going out?"

Sakura and Sasuke jump apart from each other immediately. Naruto yells in surprise.

She hasn't even told anyone yet. How did Ino know?

"W-We're not going out!" she stutters. "What made you think that we are?"

Ino puts her hands on her hips and leans forward, inspecting Sakura. "Liar."

"It's true!" She turns to Sasuke, who's still sitting in the grass, massaging his arm. "Tell her, Sasuke-kun!"

"I'm not entitled to say anything," he replies, a hint of smugness in his tone.

_This is why men…!_

"You two are dating?" Naruto grasps Sakura by the shoulders and shakes her frantically. "When? Since when?"

"It isn't a big deal, Naruto! Calm down!"

"That's true," Ino says. "It really isn't that big of a deal. It was always going to be those two." She's beaming. "Congratulations."

Sakura smiles sheepishly. "Thanks. Just don't go around telling everyone, okay?"

"Sure, sure, whatever you say."

Naruto is still wailing when Ino treats them all to lunch to celebrate.

—

_**love grows slowly, from an ember to a wildfire**_

"There's too much excess chakra," she says in a steady tone, keeping her voice low. "If you connect too much tissue or regenerate too many cells, you're going to end up with a weird patch of flesh or too much scar tissue. Back off a little."

Sasuke doesn't respond, but he does as he's told. Luckily, the civilian patient hasn't noticed anything.

"Good. That's good, Sasuke-kun!" she tells him when he finally withdraws his hands, the green glow of chakra fading away. Her finger runs along what used to be a gash in the patient's thigh. "Almost perfect." Of course, this is just a shallow wound—at his skill level, he still wouldn't be able to handle internal injuries, poison extraction, or anything complicated like that. But being able to at least close wounds, messily or not, may make all the difference in a life or death situation.

When the patient has thanked them and left the room, Sasuke sits down in a chair, exhaling slowly. Sakura laughs. "Tired?"

"A little."

Although healing does not require a lot of chakra most of the time, the energy spent controlling the amount of chakra that _is_ required is more or less equivalent to using a lot of it. Sasuke has only seen three patients, all of which only have superficial wounds, but he's already wiped out.

"Let's call it a day," she says, patting him on the shoulder. "You did good. We'll do more tomorrow."

"I can still continue."

She shakes her head. "You can't push yourself with healing the way you do with training. One slip and you could ruin someone's life or have them grow an extra limb."

"I'm not tired," Sasuke insists (haughtily) and stands to his feet (with wobbling knees). "I can still continue."

"Let's have lunch instead, shall we?" Sakura claps her hands together. "I'll get an intern to finish up our work here. You did good today, Sasuke-kun."

"But I can—"

She grabs him by the arm and drags him out the door.

(But not before she kisses him on the cheek first, still as giddy as she was on the very first day.)

—

_**you think you're finally getting it right**_

Tsunade is well on her way to drunk when Sasuke enters her office in the evening.

"Do you need something, Uchiha?"

"I would like you to tell me what you know about the Konoha Council."

The Hokage seems to sober up immediately. She removes her feet from her desk and sits up in her chair. "Why are you asking about it?"

"So I can have a reason to trust the village."

If he wants to investigate Konoha, how does he do it without looking suspicious? How does he do it without worrying Sakura? How does he do it without toppling over everything that he's finally begun to rebuild? Sasuke faces these questions every day, and every day he comes no closer to an answer.

Sasuke is slowly remembering that one cannot have everything. This is why he abandoned Konoha in the first place; he made sacrifices, he cut off what would slow him down, he destroyed all weaknesses. It's not that he never cared—he just made himself stop caring. Because he cannot have both—he cannot have both Itachi's blood on his hands and the continued support of those he holds dear. The world doesn't work that way.

But he still finds himself making the same mistakes as before. He's getting comfortable, he's finding happiness—even when he still wakes up angry with the emptiness of Itachi's death and the suspicion of Konoha's deceit. Sasuke is hoping again (_and he hates himself for it_) to have both victory and an intact heart.

(_But the world would never be that kind._)

Tsunade's eyes are hard. "I know you heard things on that reconnaissance mission. Let us do the work—don't concern yourself with it."

"How do I not concern myself with something that clearly has everything to do with me?"

She leans forward, arms crossed in her desk. "Uchiha. I'm doing this for both your good and the village's. You're notorious for making rash decisions. We don't know what we're going to discover—and depending on what we find, Konoha may go through a serious reform. I don't want you to make things more difficult than they already will be."

"Then at least let me join the investigation."

There's no way anyone understands this helplessness he feels. No amnesiac would be able to explain the agony of the black hole of a memory, sucking away everything that makes you alive until all you can think about, all that you know is the fact that you _don't_ know.

Tsunade considers this for several moments before responding. "You may not join the investigation." Sasuke stiffens. "But we will keep you updated. And I give my word that we will not keep anything from you."

He relaxes, imperceptibly. "Thank you, Hokage-sama."

"Just know that I'm not doing it for you."

It doesn't matter who she's doing it for. What matters is that she's doing it.

Results are all Sasuke's ever cared about, after all.

—

_**we're reborn, you and me**_

"Sasuke-kun? What are you doing? Where are you taking me?"

He's leading her through the forest areas of the village, used mainly for training and exams. He doesn't respond; only continues to walk with determined steps, at such a pace that he has Sakura jogging to keep up. Finally, he stops in front of a large fenced area, with a large bold sign that reads _PRACTICE AREA #44_.

Sakura grows silent, curious as to why he's bringing her here, out of all places.

"My memories of this place are very fragmented." Sasuke is staring up at the large trees, looming over them with eerie silence. This is the place, Sakura realizes, where everything changed. Where all of their fates turned a different direction.

"I'll be honest, there's nothing too great to remember," she says, even though it's not entirely true. It's done some good to her—and maybe for them, too.

"Isn't this where you finally got rid of all of that long hair?"

"Yeah. And it's also where…" _Where Orochimaru found us. It's where you turned into such a monster that even I, with all of my faith and devotion and love for you, was shaking in my skin._

"I remember that bit." Sasuke's voice is wry. "Chuunin exams are in three man-teams, right? Was Naruto our third teammate?"

"Yeah. We wouldn't have gotten out of there alive if it weren't for him."

"Tch. I guess I owe him a favor."

Sasuke owes Naruto more than just one favor, but Sakura decides not to tell him that. A moment later, Sasuke leaps into the air and over the large fences—and she follows, but not without a sigh because she's not exactly excited to fend off giant snakes and poisonous slugs and the ghosts of her past. (_The ghost of who Sasuke used to be._)

"Why are we here, Sasuke-kun?" she asks as they leap through the trees. The air is damp and musky, but cold at the same time; it feels uncomfortable and sticky on her skin.

"Because I have something to say," is his cryptic response. Why he can't say it anywhere else is absolutely beyond her.

They travel for fifteen minutes more before they land in a small clearing, surrounded by trees hundreds of years old. It takes Sakura more than a moment to recognize this specific spot—the little nook in the tree trunk, the bushes opposite from it—

(_"Who did this to you, Sakura?"_)

The words still echo in her memory, clear as day, unfamiliar as a stranger.

"I still have it," Sasuke says, turning towards her. "The cursed seal." He tilts his head and brushes away his hair to reveal his pale neck, unmarred save for the the three tomoe. That seal is the source of her nightmares, sometimes.

She reaches forward, uncertainly, but he lets her fingers touch his skin. She draws in a shallow breath before pulling away, afraid.

"I have it under control," he says, as if to appease her.

She smiles sadly. "Remember when you didn't?"

"Vaguely. You're the one…" _You're the one who brought me back._

He is uncertain as he reaches out for her hand. Sasuke is still like that, she's noticed—almost as if he's afraid of her, afraid he'll break her, afraid he'll do something wrong, afraid she'll leave him. Sakura wonders if he's ever stopped being afraid of anything, even for a moment.

"What did you want to tell me?" she asks quietly, grasping his hand tightly. (_She'll never let go of him. Not if she can help it._)

"That…you changed me. Even back then, before I left the village, before I lost my memories."

Sakura's heart is beating so frantically in her chest that it actually hurts. "And that is a good thing?"

"It feels like a good thing." And perhaps that is not the perfect answer, but it's good enough. Sakura swallows, biting back the tears, although she doesn't know why she wants to cry.

"Sasuke-kun—" But she doesn't get to talk, because he's pulled her in and in the next instant, their mouths are pressed together, fierce, messy, like they still don't know how but are trying so hard to get it right. It's the first time they've kissed since their mission (because Sasuke is still too hesitant, Sakura still too wary), but all of that falls away now because here, right here is where they first saw each other as they really are—that Sasuke is nothing more than a fallen angel, the shadow of an antihero, and Sakura is more than the girl on the sidelines, because she's a fighter and everyone's hopes and dreams rolled up into one. This is the place where all pretenses fall away and they're no more than just Sakura and just Sasuke—not defined by their surnames or blood, but by their bones and their feelings etched deep into them.

What do you do, when you become too small to hold all of the love that you have for a person?

"You've changed me too," she whispers against his mouth when they pull apart. "Loving you has been the biggest adventure I've ever had."

The smirk (_smile?_) is faint on his lips. "I'm an adventure?"

"A never-ending one, I'm afraid." He kisses her again, softly. "Mind you, it does have its ups and downs." But the important thing is this: Sasuke taught her how to be brave. He's taught her bravery in loneliness and bravery amidst other people. Sakura can withstand anything because of Sasuke.

Both of them freeze as they sense movement around them. Sakura sighs. Well, she couldn't have expected anything too romantic in the place dubbed the Forest of Death.

"Looks like we've got company," Sasuke murmurs in jest, before pulling away and tossing a kunai into the bushes.

Of course, this only angers the giant snake.

—

_**there's happiness, if you just look for it**_

"They're at it again?" Sakura sighs exasperatedly.

Naruto shrugs. "Apparently. That's what Kiba told me, anyway. But hey, maybe that's how socially retarded people bond or something."

"I'm a little worried. That's almost every single day this week."

"Let them do what they want. It's good that they're spending time together, isn't it?"

Since Sai returned from his most recent mission, he's been at the training grounds with Sasuke, sparring. Well, sparring is what they call it—Sakura calls it complete decimation. They've destroyed three training grounds so far; if this continues, Tsunade said that she'll have to put the two on probation.

Sakura doesn't understand the relationship Sasuke has with Sai, if it can even be called a relationship. They're constantly at each other's throats, no matter where they are, whether it's in the form of verbal fights or a full on onslaught. They're not even playful banters like the ones Naruto and Sasuke throw back and forth—it's like they literally hate each other. That makes Sakura a little sad.

There's a distant explosion, and that pulls her from her thoughts. Several birds scatter as they fly through the air. "Maybe we should check on them?" she asks Naruto anxiously.

He looks worried as well. "Yeah."

When they reach the training grounds, the place is in a state of disarray. Sasuke is standing alone, his katana in his hand. His eyes are closed in concentration.

Naruto leans in to whisper in her ear. "Do you even think Sasuke stands a chance? Sai's in Root! Sasuke's good, but he can't be _that_ good, can he?"

"Did you forget that he killed Itachi?" she whispers back. "I'd say they're on par."

They watch for a few moments more before Sai drops down from the trees. As expected, Sakura didn't notice him at all. He's perfect at masking his chakra.

"Sakura," he greets with a smile, completely disregarding Sasuke, who was expecting an attack. "What are you doing here?" She's pulled into a one armed-hug and she grins, hugging him back.

"Just checking on you and Sasuke-kun to make sure you're not close to destroying the entire village."

"That would be counterproductive, would it not?"

"Counterproductive to what?"

"Yo, Sasuke!" Naruto waves as Sasuke walks over, sheathing his katana. His expression is hard and slightly angry. Sakura giggles. He must be frustrated over Sai. She pecks him on the cheek in greeting, but he doesn't spare her a second glance—he's too busy glaring at Sai. Rude.

"Have you guys had lunch yet?" she asks Sasuke and Sai. Both of them shake their heads. They're dirty and sweaty; they must have been sparring all morning. "Well, you're in luck today—Naruto said he'd treat us to Ichiraku!"

"What? I never said that!"

Naruto and Sai argue all the way to Ichiraku. Sakura walks behind them with Sasuke. Sasuke is quiet (probably sulking), so she asks him playfully, "So, how many times has Sai beat you?"

"None."

"Hm? Really?"

"Why do you think I'd lose to someone like him?"

"You wouldn't be moping if you won," she points out. He looks at her out of the corner of her eye when she fails to stifle her giggles. "Sorry, I can't help it."

He scoffs and turns away, very clearly having a tantrum now. She walks closer to him and reaches out when the backs of their hands brush. It takes a moment (and a little consideration on Sasuke's part) before their fingers intertwine, even if it's just loosely.

Sakura's always dreamed of this—doing the little things, slowly falling in love with Sasuke. Like it was always supposed to be. She doesn't need anything grand. She just needs to know that he's here and trying just as hard as she is.

And every day, she thinks—she's getting closer to that dream.

—

_**what is relinquishing weakness if it means letting go of you?**_

It still haunts her, Sasuke knows.

His home is far too cold, far too empty—and in ways, just as haunting as the Uchiha compound. Sakura notices the way Sasuke does his best to avoid going home, whether that means training until ridiculous hours of the morning or taking up Naruto's offers to do whatever it is that he wants, so she mentions it one day in passing, _You know, you can always live with me if you want. I don't mind._

It takes him two weeks to show up at her doorstep with a packed bag (_doing so immediately would damage his pride_), but all that matters, in the end, is that he shows up.

There are pictures on most furniture surfaces, of different faces and different times. There are always some clothes lying around on the floor, and it smells of coffee every single morning. Sakura has her very essence written into this place; he walks in and she is all he sees, she is all he breathes.

(_Sometimes, Sasuke wonders how he could have ever given this up. How could he have ever chosen something other than this?_)

He sleeps on the couch for a week. After that, he finally gives in—accepts her subtle hints of leaving her bedroom door open at night, sleeping only on the left side of her bed—and crawls under the covers with her. Her back is facing him and she doesn't move, but her breathing is too still for her to be asleep.

Sasuke is fairly certain neither of them sleep on that first night, both of them unsure of how to slip into unconsciousness in such a quiet, intimate setting.

(The second night, though—the second night is better. She bids him goodnight and drifts off, her back still facing him. Her wonders if he should reach out and hold her—does she want that? Would she like that? He's afraid, afraid he'll do something wrong.)

The third night, and then the fourth. On the fifth night, he finally shifts; reaches out for her shoulder to pull her closer. She jolts suddenly, and her entire body tenses—he pulls back, lightening quick, so fast that he could even say he never touched her at all.

A pregnant silence hangs over them. "Sorry," she says, her voice sounding quiet because she's not facing him. "I guess I'm still paranoid."

Some shinobi take torture like it's nothing. Some others take it like it's everything.

And although Sasuke doesn't like seeing her like this, he can't imagine what kind of person she'd be if it didn't affect her.

Sakura rolls to face him, her eyes startlingly green in the moonlight. "I guess in the end, I'm still weak."

"That isn't weakness," he says. "That's human."

She smiles at him, faintly, and this time when he reaches out for her, she can see, so she doesn't flinch or shy away. She lets him brush her hair out of her eyes, lets him scooch a little closer, close enough to almost feel her warmth.

"Did you know?" she asks quietly. "I've never loved anyone other than you."

_Did you know? I've never opened myself up like this to anyone other than you._

"I'm honored," he says, and she grins, poking his cheek.

"You should be! You don't know how many guys would kill just to have me look their way." Sasuke wonders if she's actually telling the truth. "What about you, Sasuke-kun? Who have you loved before me?"

He thinks for a moment, and the first answer he comes up with is Itachi. But he supposes that's not what Sakura means, is it? "No one," he tells her honestly. "I didn't have time for any of that."

"Really? No random girls that you've met on your travels?"

"Do I look like I was traveling to find and indulge in exotic women, Sakura?"

Her tone is sneaky. "I think you just don't remember."

He sighs. "There's no helping it if that's the case."

"I'm just joking, you know. We should all learn to forgive and let go."

Sasuke thinks that is too romantic of an idea.

"After all," Sakura continues, moving so she's curled up against him, her head in the crook of his neck and shoulder, "I've forgiven you." Sasuke wonders if he should hold her, if he should wrap his arms around her—if he even _can_, if it would be appropriate.

_I'm sorry,_ he thinks again, and allows himself the luxury of holding her close, of cradling what's become (_or maybe always has been_) so, so precious to him.

"You think of the good things," he speaks suddenly. Sakura shifts to show that she's listening. "To get through torture. You focus on the good things and hold onto them as hard as you can, because that's what you're returning to if you make it out of there alive."

"If," she echoes against him. "That's a very scary word."

"We live in a scary world." He thinks of days spent with Orochimaru, and days spent hunting down the last of what he could call home.

"Well, it's not as scary anymore now that you're finally back."

And here, Sasuke still doesn't quite feel that Konoha is home—and admittedly, he's not sure if he'll ever feel like Konoha is home—but home is a mentality, not a place. This village is a home for Sakura, but perhaps one day, far into the future, Sakura will become a home for Sasuke.

This is what the small part of him, the part that blindly dreams and is still treacherously human, hopes for.

—

_**something deeper and more terrible than you've ever known**_

"Why do you even hate him that much?"

"Don't use such a petty word," Sai says. "I don't hate."

Sai doesn't hate, Sai doesn't love, Sai doesn't anything. He doesn't feel anything. At least, that's what he's been telling himself.

"If you don't hate Sasuke, then what is it? Why can't you just get along with him like you get along with the rest of us?" Naruto is completely oblivious to the frown set on Sai's lips. "He's not a bad guy, you know."

Logic says Sasuke is not a bad person. Logic says he was driven too much by senseless emotions, reaching for a goal made beautiful and glorious by rage and revenge. Logic says that Sai should let go of these emotions too, if he doesn't want to meet his own demise.

This is why he was purged of them in the first place. Feelings destroy.

He should not be feeling guilt for the things he's done in the past, years too late. His stomach should not twist uncomfortably every time he sees Sakura, eyes gentler than he's ever known, and Naruto, brighter than the sun.

He should not.

But he does.

—

_**something niggling, something wrong**_

"Sasuke? What are you doing here?" Sakura is signing in for her shift at the hospital to see him in the lobby, talking to Ino.

"He's here to help, he says," Ino tells her. "What have you done, domesticated him?"

Ino is also a medic, but not as formidable as Sakura, of course. She dabbles in many things, shinobi and civilian skills alike, and is fairly good at all of them.

"I'm not _domesticated_," Sasuke retorts, spitting out the word as if it's plagued.

"Oh?" Ino raises an eyebrow. "Then what are you, _kind_?"

Sakura drags her away before Sasuke does something irreversible. "I'll deal with him," she says. "He's still a little touchy about publicly studying medical jutsu."

Originally, Sasuke was completely fine with it—after all, medical jutsu is a delicate and intricate skill that not many can master—but once Naruto started to make fun of him for it (_"You? A medic? Ha! Funny that you'd want to be a medic _after_ you've destroyed everything!"_), Sasuke withdrew immediately. Even now, he doesn't mention it, and he's grumpy whenever he's in the hospital.

"Are you really here to help?" she asks as she steps close to him, closer and closer still. Her fingers linger at his wrist.

He pulls away, the walls having suddenly come up. "I'm just here to see you. But you're busy, so I'll catch you later." Sakura watches the doors close, the chains around his heart locked securely, and for a brief moment, he is a stranger. "Don't eat—I'll make dinner."

"Okay." She takes a step back, brow furrowed in confusion. Sasuke leaves the hospital with brisk strides, not once looking back.

Ino sidles up. "Was it something I said?"

—

_**would you still love me if you saw what i saw?**_

"If Ino did something to set you off, she says she's sorry," Sakura says later that evening. Sasuke's made onigiri (a little messy but filled with umeboshi, and perhaps a little love) and they're eating at the kitchen table. Sakura has a large scroll rolled out in front of her; she's studying for the follow-up surgery for one that she conducted earlier today.

"It wasn't," Sasuke replies gruffly. "Not really."

"Then what is it?" She looks up from her scroll, all thoughts of medicine leaving her mind. "What's wrong?"

He shakes his head, midnight hair falling into midnight eyes. "Nothing. I don't know."

Sakura wants to pry (_wants to see every last secret of his laid out in front of her_), but she gets the feeling that he's telling the truth—that he really doesn't know. So she draws away, wondering if there will ever be a day when she will know every part of him, every dark corner and every shimmer of hope tucked away in the tiny recesses of his heart.

Living with Sasuke is surprisingly easy. She never thought it would be, considering his volatile nature, but he is tidy and he is quiet. Sometimes, she even forgets that he's there altogether.

And she can't help but wonder if this is what she's dreamed of as a twelve-year-old hopeless romantic. Living with Sasuke in a quiet coexistence, all titles and all assumptions stripped away—just Sasuke and just Sakura, drifting in a comfortable peace.

(_It is, she thinks. It is._)

"I just want you to know," she says later when they're washing the dishes, "that I love you."

He doesn't answer for so long that she wonders if he heard her at all. But then: "I know. You've said it too many times for me not to know." Sakura bows her head, because she was hoping (blindly hoping, stupidly hoping) for an _I love you too_. Of course it wouldn't come as easily for Sasuke. Of course.

"And I want you to know," she continues (_to make up for whatever it is that he can't say_), "that I'll never stop loving you."

"Did you stop?" he asks. "Between the time that I left and the time that I returned."

"I thought I did," she admits. "But now I'm not so sure." Her hands come to a stop on the plate in her hand, coated with suds.

There were nights when she laid in bed thinking about him, as if he'd appear before her if she thought hard enough. There were days when she saw him around every corner, a ghost, a shadow of what used to be, haunting her all the way to her dreams. There were moments where she was too blinded by the fact that she missed him that she couldn't notice anything else that happened around her—which almost cost her her life once, if not for Sai's quick thinking. There were times when she thought the pain would never end.

But then it did. Slowly, ebbing away in such a manner that she almost didn't notice. _I wonder what Sasuke-kun's doing today?_ turned into _I bet he's fine_, which eventually became nothing at all. Sakura stopped thinking of Sasuke altogether, save for the brief moments when she lingered in the realm between consciousness and sleep. And she almost felt guilty for it, because didn't she swear that she'd love him forever?

But does that really mean that she stopped loving him? Or does that mean her love for him had changed?

If she truly stopped loving him, then why did she never look at any other men? Why did she gently let Neji down and let him go when he asked her out, at the tender age of seventeen, flushed pink in his usually pale cheeks? She liked Neji, and even thought she could come to love him—but she still said no.

Sasuke takes the plate in her hands and finishes rinsing it off. She wants to ask him if he loved her all those years ago, or if he loved her while she was gone. She still remembers his memory of that night, so different from what she imagined it to be; his wavering determination, his bittersweet regret as he knocked her out and placed her on the bench, (almost lovingly) brushing her hair out of her eyes. She still doesn't know what to make of that.

But maybe not today. Today is not the day to indulge in such selfish requests.

"You have—" She turns to Sasuke when he stops mid-sentence. "You have some soap on your cheek," he tries again.

"Where?" He flinches right before she swipes the back of her hand across her right cheek, completely forgetting that her hand is still covered in suds as well. She sighs, slight embarrassment manifesting in the form of a blush. "I look ridiculous, don't I?"

"That's nothing new." She opens her mouth to tell him off, but he grabs a rag and gently wipes her cheeks off, both of them. Her face flushes a deeper red; she didn't even get the correct cheek. "It's a little endearing," Sasuke reassures, even though his flat tone doesn't quite do the trick.

"I didn't know you liked ditzy girls," she teases, washing off her hands before she causes another mishap.

"I don't," he says. "I just like you."

(_And maybe that is enough._)

It is so close to the _I love you too_ that Sakura was hoping for that (and maybe it's the same thing?) the simple statement, those tiny words spin around in her stomach to the point where she forgets how to breathe.

Sasuke stares at her, his eyes burning straight through her.

"I'm glad," she breathes, and he swoops down to kiss her.

His hands move tentatively, skirting down her sides and only gently holding her hips—but she reaches down and grips them tight, pressing them harder against her—_you can have me, you can have all of me_—and there is a push and a pull and she finds herself with her back against the wall. Her hands card through his hair and his rise from her hips, back up her sides and _oh_—

The sun sets early in winter so it's already completely dark when they tumble into her room and onto her bed. This is all so new to her (she likes to think that she's never done this solely because it never felt right, but maybe it's really because she was waiting for Sasuke); the electric touch of someone else's fingers on her skin, the excitement of not knowing what's going to happen, where the warmth will appear next. She's nervous but thrilled at the same time.

He tugs off her shirt slowly, and she lifts her arms to make things easier. She knows she's not as lithe as Ino; not as curvy or as soft, due to years of training and pushing her body's limits. She sits nervously under his expressionless gaze, and it's several moments before he leans in and kisses her neck, her collarbones, littering her expanse of skin with jolts of warmth.

(_Actions that say, you are beautiful. Tender touches that say, you are precious. Loving caresses that say, you are irreplaceable._

_There is no way this could last._)

When she reaches out to pull off his shirt, he freezes. She stops, too, wondering if she's done something wrong.

His hand encases hers, pulls it away. "Keep it on," he says,

"Why?" she asks, but he's pushed her back and she falls against the pillows.

She doesn't ask again after that.

—

_**a final falling into place**_

"Remind me again why I'm here?" Shikamaru mutters as he's being tugged along by Ino through the Hyuuga compound, the chilly air biting his cheeks.

"Because I'm _sick_," Ino grinds out (she's the one doing the tugging), "of seeing you _sulk_ all the time."

"I'm not _sulking_," Shikamaru snaps. "That would imply that it's only temporary."

Ino turns to him suddenly and they halt in their tracks. In the glow of the lanterns decorating the compound, her eyes are glassy—Shikamaru chooses to ignore that she's close to tears. "Just stop it," she says—a tired plea, the words of someone who's just about ready to give up. "Just for tonight. Smile, just for tonight."

It's Christmas Eve. Everyone is celebrating (Shikamaru is still pondering how Hinata convinced the clan elders to allow such an insolent celebration to take place here), but he does not feel it. He hasn't felt it in years.

In the distance, he sees Sakura and Sasuke talking quietly. She hands him a small velvet box, and he opens it to pull out a delicate necklace with a thin pendant. A few words are exchanged, and when a smile blooms on Sakura's face, Shikamaru turns away.

It's nice that Sakura found what he couldn't.

—

_**your past, like a broken fairytale**_

A month later, when there is a thin layer of snow on the ground, he sits her down on her bed (_their_ bed), cross-legged and prepared.

"Do you want to see?"

"See what?"

He reaches, and pulls off his shirt.

Sakura has caught glimpses, through tears and mesh shirts, but never in his entirety—never fathomed the reason why he never wanted to show her. But now she sees—now she realizes what made Sasuke hesitate, a fear so insignificant but so gnawing at the same time:

Scars. Scars, everywhere. So many that she doesn't know where one ends and another begins. The result of not having a medic, for not knowing medical jutsu—letting everything heal by itself, scabbing and scarring, the pain disappearing but the phantom ache never going away. Sasuke is covered in scars, head to toe, and this is just his body—she can't imagine how many he has on his heart.

"Oh, Sasuke," she breathes, and pulls him close. His face rests in the soft curve of her neck, eyelashes fluttering against her skin. "We all have shortcomings. It's nothing to be ashamed about."

Proof that he's failed. Proof that he didn't know how to cope, just gritted his teeth and sat through it.

Sasuke, a grown man, but still seven years old on the inside.

She takes his hand, laces their fingers together—an action they've done several times before, but so much more intimate now. "You've seen mine, right?" She pulls down the waistband of her shorts by an inch to show the short but thick scar—the only one that she decided to keep.

"Where's it from?" His fingertips touch the scar tissue, barely, sending shivers up her spine.

"My fight with Sasori. It could've killed me, but it didn't." She smiles softly. "Scars don't always define our failures. They also count the number of times we've survived." His thumb traces those two inches, over and over again. Sasuke is lost in thought—she places her hand on his and makes him stop. His eyes rest on her, unguarded, tired. She smiles. "Look at how many times you've survived, Sasuke."

She spends the next several hours lying him down, pressing gentle kisses to every single one of his scars—making sure he knows that he is loved. Letting him know that he will always, always be loved.

* * *

**A/N:** This chapter (and subsequent chapters as well) will be in slightly different formats from the chapters leading up until now. Because things are finally building, and with any luck, I'll actually be able to finish this.

I know you guys liked this chapter (because I definitely do), so please let me know what you think! Please inspire me again, because I want to be able to pull through. This fic is what got me back into writing for this fandom and I have a stunning ending planned—I just need to be able to get there. So please, tell me your thoughts! Or your suspicions, or anything of the sort. :)

(NejiSaku even in a story where it shouldn't exist. You're welcome.)


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